The Vibe Expo In Los Angeles

Susan Bratton, known as the Intimacy Expert to Millions, is a sex educator who teaches passionate lovemaking techniques, bedroom communication skills, and intimate health and wellness. She advocates for using various sex toys and tools to explore different types of orgasms and enhance pleasure. Bratton encourages slowing down and taking time for arousal, as well as open communication between partners about their desires and boundaries. Her goal is to help people have fulfilling and satisfying sex lives throughout their lives.

Full Transcript

Susan: My name is Susan Bratton. They call me Intimacy Expert to Millions, but that’s what my publicist likes me to say my title is. My favorite title for myself is Trusted Hot Sex Advisor to Millions. I want you to be like, Is the sex hot? Is she hot? I’m like, yes. Why would I be a sexpert if I wasn’t? I like to be as sexy as possible.

What I do is I write passionate lovemaking techniques. Bedroom communication skills. And I teach intimate health and wellness, because I, at 62, am having the best sex of my life, so far. Hallelujah! It just keeps getting better when you know what you’re doing. So today I want to talk to you about a little something that was Inspired by two of my mentors, one of whom is in the room, Miss Kristen Tribby of Fun Factory. Who taught me about how there were categories of pleasure, and I like to call them tools, not toys.

Toys makes sex tools sound frivolous, when there’s so much more than that for our body. My mentor, Sherry Winston, who wrote a seminal book called Women’s Anatomy of Arousal. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, she came up with the concept of orgasmic cross training. And like anyone who stands on the shoulders of giants, as I do, I combined sex tools with orgasmic cross training.

I’d like to also call myself an orgasmonaut. I like to go to the far reaches of outer space of orgasmic pleasure. And I like to come back with a map to the territory so you can get there too. So as an orgasminaut, I have had and discovered that my body and all bodies of any gender, rainbow, sparkle, gender, spectrum, penis, bulb, owner, whatever you got.

Can have 20 kinds of orgasms. And number 20 is wild card because I always think there’s more. As a matter of fact, when I say sex, I think about it as a brand. Sex. There’s always something more. And I want it. I want it all. And I want you to have it too. So there’s a couple things I want to tell you about.

So I’m going to talk about libido desire and arousal very briefly. I want to talk about the shame, pain, numb, pleasure situation we’ve got going on that we need to work on. I want to talk a little bit about that number one sex organ and the mind body connection and the neural pathways to pleasure. I’m going to teach you how to play your instrument.

So you can just cum like crazy, really long, really hard, really well, lots of cums, cums of all kinds, so much cums. And I want to talk about the vulva, vagina, and yoni, and then I’ll briefly show you the 20 kinds of orgasms, they only take half an hour. And then I’ll explain what I mean by orgasmic prostrates, I’ve got a little build to the So, let’s start with the libido desire arousal matrix.

You are in the middle. Your libido is the other side of the same coin as your health. How healthy you are is what drives your libido. If your libido is down, check your health. Something going on in there. You got to get that fixed. Your desire is kind of the mind piece of it. How do you feel about yourself?

And how do you feel if you’re in a partnered relationship? Or part nerds, like me, nerds. Uh, part nerd relationship. That’s me. And, really, what I find with desire often is that it actually goes deeply into a core wound of, I’m not lovable. I’m not enough. It’s hard for us to feel desire when we have a core wound.

And so often it goes to something very essential inside us, that didn’t get put in there right, that we, we gotta go fix to get our desire really online. And then arousal is actually where I spend a lot of time. Because if you want to come long, hard, and well, frequently, you gotta understand how your arousal might be different than your partner’s.

And I’m going to make a A big bucket of generalities right here, and I just want you to forgive me that I don’t have the time to go into every aspect of people’s gender differences and similarities, etc. But I’m just going to use man for a person with a penis, just for now, like X, Y chromosome individual who is testosterone dominant and has a penis.

An XX person. Who is estrogen dominant and has a ball body. And I know there are variations, there are a lot of them. But I got a half an hour you guys, so just let me start with that and we can, you know, more from there. So, the issue is, not a lot of times when I’m talking to women I say, Do you know you’ve been having patriarchal style sex instead of matriarchal style sex?

You’ve been fucking like a dude, basically. And that’s why it hasn’t been so good for you. And that’s why, by the time you’re 40, you’re like, phew, menopause, glad that’s over by, daddy. You don’t want it anymore because it hasn’t been that good. And that really comes down to the fact that for most penis owners, they get nighttime erections if they’re healthy.

Sometimes they wake up with boners so hard, they’re like, well, I just spray it and the sheets are sticking straight up. That’s good news. We want that. That’s good heart health. You wake up with a morning wood, and you’re basically available like, Hey babe, do you want to fuck? Ready to go. Which we love about you!

But, for the vulva owner, Oh, and don’t forget he is also masturbating pretty much every day. He’s probably looking at porn to do it. Like, sex is on his mind. He’s ready to go. And his testosterone not only makes him horny, but it also makes him very focused on the goal. Like, if you’ve ever asked a dude who’s doing something to do something else, he’s like, uh, don’t bother me right now.

I’m doing my thing. And the woman’s like, I’m thinking about 37 things at the same time. I’m up in my head. So, you know, when you’re in this pair bonded situation, she’s got the same amount of erectile tissue as he does, but she’s estrogen dominant. I want to show you my Play Doh thing. Hang on, I’ve got to find a place to put this down.

This is a penis. Imagine this is a penis. 50 percent of it sticks out of the body. 50 percent of it goes in and down toward the testicles. And if I peeled a penis like a banana, what would be inside it would be pretty much just some capillaries, veins, and erectile tissue, and some nerves. The erectile tissue, there’s three chambers in the penis.

And it’s all erectile tissue in there. Which is why it marvelously goes into its wonderfully large size because it’s sponge that fills up with blood. But let’s say that that’s the penis. And I’d probably need more Play Doh, but If that’s the penis, then essentially for a vulva owner, she’s got that much erectile tissue that comes to a point, which is where her clitoral structure is.

She’s got her arms and her legs, her vestibular bulb. She’s got the clitoral body. She’s got a urethral sponge. She’s got a perineal sponge. All this spongy tissue. And it’s all in there, and it’s as much as is in a dick. But it’s all these nooks and crannies, and it takes a long time to get the blood flowing in there.

So, the biggest issue is that when you’re in partnered sex, and you think about, if you’re, you know, a dude and his lady, this is what I’m working with right now, and I know there’s lots of variations, but when you’re with a male body partner and they get, you know, they look at your boobs and they’re like ready to go, then the kind of religious, patriarchal society in which we’ve been brought up says sex is intercourse.

Because that’s appropriation only. Sex is intercourse, and everything else is just foreplay. Like, it’s like a throwaway thing. If it was matriarchal sex, it would be all that stuff is sex for us. We need all that stuff. So, that’s the first thing I want you to hold in your mind. And then I want to tell you, I’m adding some little pieces here.

I want to talk about shame, pain, numb, and pleasure. There was a study that was done by some nurse practitioners where they took 41 women and they touched them on their breasts, on their nipples, on their clitoral, uh, glands, the tip of the glands, the labia, the entroidal sphincter, which is the entrance to the vagina, and the perineum.

And they said, tell me how it feels when I touch you in these places. And the answers, if you read all the verbatims, came down to these categories. It hurts when you touch me there. I’m numb when you touch me there. I feel shame when you touch me there. I feel pleasure when you touch me there. And for most of them, the 53 percent said that the entrance to the vagina was where they felt some pleasure.

Only 40 percent said that the tip of the clitoris was where they felt the pleasure. And I thought to myself, it’s so interesting that we, we hold so much emotional experience in the vulva and the penis. I’m just talking about the vulva for now, it’s the same. You know, we have, we have so much shame about our sexuality and our culture.

We’re taught that it’s bad, we’re not taught about our genitals, we don’t understand our anatomy, we don’t have names and words for them. It’s no wonder they’re numb or they’re painful or they cause us shame. But that was what really led me to this notion of orgasmic activation.

Because what happened for me was that I talked to Dr. Nan Wise. She is a sexologist neuroscientist. She worked with Eric Hossar and Beverly Whipple. You know, they’re like the OGs of sexual neuroscience. And, uh, she worked with couples where they would put the woman in the MRI machine and have her partner touch her body and pleasure it. And they realized that when the partner touched different parts of her vulva, that different parts of her brain lit up.

And so the more parts that were pleasurably incorporated into the touch, oxygenated and created the sensations of pleasure, the brain is what tells us something feels good. So now you have this understanding that different parts light up different places in your brain. That your brain processes it as pleasure.

That most women currently, when you touch them on their vulvas, have a wide variety of not pleasurable sensation. Well, oh well, let’s just give up on, you know, sorry, sorry, I don’t feel good. No, I, I, I, I’m not gonna give up on pleasure. Let’s just touch all the parts in safe and consensual ways, slowly. In honoring, allowing the enteric nervous system to release the pain and the shame and the numbness and get it, bring it online.

Let’s light that vulva and that penis, prostate, perineal connection. Let’s light up that brain. So how do we do that? Tools. And that’s where we come to the different kinds of tools. So, you’re going to have twenty kinds of orgasms. Let’s look at those quickly. Twenty kinds of male and female orgasms. So here’s our beautiful vulva, and here’s what it looks like inside.

This is those three erectile tissue systems that I was mentioning. There’s the clitoral shaft and glands, the arms, the legs. There’s the urethral sponge, that’s the second, erectile tissue structure. And the third is that little green blob down there called the perineal structure. Now, if you look at the vagina, it is surrounded.

That’s that bracelet of erectile tissue. When it’s flaccid, It doesn’t send very many signals because it is small and compact and not full of blood. Not engorged, erect, tumescent, swollen with blood. When she’s rushed for sex, when she’s worried it hurts, when it’s painful and she’s nervous, or she hasn’t had pleasurable experiences.

The blood’s not flowing. That’s one of the beautiful things about kissing, lips, breasts, and vulva. They’re an axis. They’re a solid stool of pleasure. When you kiss, when you play with breasts, they start the letting down. Your eyes will tear. Your mouth will water. You’ll begin to lubricate. The blood will begin to flow in.

It’ll plump up that tissue. And when that tissue goes from small to big and plumped up, it’s got all this delicious surface area, sending way more signals to our brain. So when a male body person, you know, a penis owner, he’s got an erection in a minute or two, if he’s a young healthy guy or an old healthy guy.

Then, he’s ready to go, but the problem is, she needs 20 or 30 minutes of very focused pleasure and comfort to get that blood to give her lady boner, or yoner, I like to call it. Because I like to call the whole thing, everything, it’s like, I don’t want to name all the freaking parts all the time. And the bulb is the outside, the vagina is the inside, blah blah blah, let’s just call it a yoni.

The tantric people knew what they were doing. The yoni in the lingam is the penis. And also, it’s like, we’ve got to get our lady boner, or our yoner, before we can start to have the same amount of pleasure that our male body partners do immediately. Which is why we have this I have this desire for us to slow down.

April and Amy said it, if you were watching her earlier, slow down, slow down some more, then slow down again. And really take our time. With all the pleasure gettings, we get the blood filled. I want to tell you one more thing about the vagina. So, the vagina, Timmy, yeah, yeah, thank you. Um, the vagina looks like this.

I don’t know if you ever saw The Great Wall of Vagina, that they renamed The Great Wall of Vulva by J. D. McCartney, the artist. Did you ever see that, like, the bas reliefs, and there’s like a whole bunch of vulvas all enrobed, and they’re all different, so you can see like the marvelous beauty of every single vulva, and how gorgeous every single one of our vulvas are?

So, Jamie was like, Well, I’ve done the great wall of vulva. I know I want to do castings of vaginas. And so, he really gave us the first look at what the vagina looks like. And you know, the vagina is named after Uh, a Greek word for a sheath. And so, of course, the penis is the sword and the vagina is the sheath.

Again, more of that kind of like patriarchal detritus that we must, you know, let go of, so we can move forward and fully embrace our genital, um, orgasmic potential. So basically, this is what the vagina actually looks like. You can look up Jamie McCartney and you can see his vagina castings. And what’s really cool about it is that it’s, it’s basically like my pocket.

It’s just, it’s flat. It’s not there just waiting for a big penis to go inside of there. It’s just this flat little thing. And it has a little introidal sphincter. So it has a little round muscle. And it has a little crooked neck. And then it has this flat cavernous area. With a little dimple at the top where the cervix kind of pops down on, into that canal.

And,

it tents up, and sucks up, and gets bigger when it’s turned on. And so when all of that happens, it gets roomier, and the other thing that’s really important to know about the vagina, like all things, is, I guess I could sum it up this way, the um, have you heard of a massage technique called effleurage? I’m saying it very French.

If you have ever had this technique. I’m proud to be, oh God, there’s a Frenchman in here. I probably, am I saying it all wrong? I have a great accent. Oh good! So, I thought it was risky. I didn’t know he was French. Um, so, effleurage, effleurage is when instead of rubbing the skin skin. You rub the meat of the body below.

That’s what we like, and that’s what vaginas like too. So when you look at a lot of, a lot of explicit material, what you’re seeing is a lot of, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, against that poor little sphincter muscle. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good pounding when I’m warmed up. But when you start to think about the penis as a pool cube and that it’s touching and almost, there’s a technique that I like to teach called the heart tongue.

To men, to penis owners, and I say, imagine that your penis is like a heart and a tongue. It’s your extension of your heart right down into your penis. I wanna feel your love inside me. I want you to connect those two things together. It’s not a disembodied piston coming out of you. It’s your heart. And so, when you have the heart, and you think about licking with your penis, in getting all that tissue warped up, then that vagina gets activated.

So when people say, They’re, you know, they’re only 30 percent of, I heard it today, they’re only 30 percent of women can actually have an orgasm from intercourse. Well, why don’t we teach the other 70 percent how to do it instead of thinking they can’t? Because she thinks she can’t, and then her partner thinks she can’t, and they friggin give up on it, and then they get divorced.

Because she doesn’t want to really have sex with him anymore because it’s no good for her anymore. And so this is what I see time and time again is that people think they can’t. So when you have 20 kinds of orgasms and you know that they are all simply learned skills, and you have the step by step directions to have them, you begin to come in marvelous ways.

So what I want to do is I want to show you some of the tools that I recommend So we’re beginning to activate all of the tissue in the genital system, which is why you should have a pleasure chest beside your bed with as many of these tools that you can get one by one by one. So you can hit a cross train and activate and get all that tissue sending pleasure signals to your brain.

It might start numb, shame, pain, but it’s going to turn into pleasure. You can take a little tiny finger, and rub it along the outer edge of my inner labia, the little frilly edge that gets dark first when you get turned on. Just a little bit, and I’ll come so beautifully just from that. Could I do that when I was born, no, I learned how to do that, and that’s one of a thousand examples of orgasmic activation. So let me show you the tools.

One of my very favorites, this is the VIM from Fun Factory, and it has been completely redesigned to penetrate into that tissue instead of on your skin, which is obnoxious. And send that vibration to bring that engorgement to the whole outer vulva.

As a matter of fact, female ejaculation is extremely aided by pleasuring the mons. So the blood and the fluid that you ejaculate can come out of there because it comes from blood plasma. Number one.

Number two. And this, I’ve got one to give away. I’ve got a beautiful purple. This is called the Lady Vibe, and, uh, this is the Miss Vibe.

I was with Lisa Bilyeu. She’s a pretty famous person. Yesterday I was on her show, and she’s about this big. And I brought both of them, and I was like, I’m going to guess you want this one. Now, I’ve got a giant yoni, so the Lady Vibe is my size. But she was just a tiny thing, so it’s really nice when you have a rabbit.

That stimulates the external clitoral structures as well as the internal vaginal structures. This is what I consider to be ground zero trainer vibration for orgasmic activation. Fabulous German motors. This is Porsche stuff here.

Next kind. Oh, thank you for shutting that door. I appreciate that. This is, I mean, there are a lot of women for whom this is the ultimate vibration for them.

Something called, this is the Volta from Fun Factory. This is, uh, essentially a licker style. And, uh, this is wonderful on male bodies as well. But this kind of thing, it’s unparalleled. Really incredible.

Then, of course, there’s also a clitoral air stimulator. So, Satisfire, they gave these out. I think many of you got them.

So, the air stimulation of a on the clitoral shaft gets that shaft all poppin Which you want. You need a, you need a big clit boner to have super good orgasms. And, you can quote me on that. You have to do it. You have to do it. That has to do it. Super good orgasms.

So, um, another thing is a pulsator or thruster, and I love these for women who are like going back out in the dating world, but haven’t gotten laid in like a decade and I’m worried it’s broken and there’s cobwebs in there and I’m like.

What you need is this because it’s hands free. And remember, you can combine vibrators too, so you can put this internally while you put a nice little bullet vibe. I like this little ring pop from Hot Octopuss. Because you can use all the lube you want and it doesn’t go anywhere. It doesn’t fly off your hand.

It’s also great for partnered sex because it’s small and you can get it in there on your clip while you’re having, while you’re having penetration intercourse. So, thrusters, pulsators, uh, the little, the little, uh, bullet vibes are great.

And then, of course, your G spot wands. Thank you. G Spot Wands. This one’s a combination of, uh, Pulser, Pulsator and, uh, G Spot Wand.

This is a curved, this is a Hot Octopusss product. I particularly like this because it has a very soft tip, which the G Spot honestly appreciates.

So, this is a very nice thing as well. So those are some examples, and then of course there’s large sizes, small sizes. There are products that are great for people with some, who are fixing their erectile dysfunction.

This, uh, from Mystery Vibe is called the Tenudo 2. Traps the blood in, gets her vibration, gets him vibration. Really great for partners intercourse. Same with The NOS. This is probably the number one thing I sell. Uh, this NOS from Fun Factory is, uh, it’s got these lovely little, uh, ears that want to just right on that little clit shaft.

Once you get that clit shaft poppin ooh, it feels good. And it helps him maintain a really firm erection, which is nice too. And it’s great for a woman who wants to learn how to move from being slid in and into and out of to grinding and sliding on top in cowgirl. Taomi was here earlier, and that’s what she teaches.

So, you can see that many, and then for the penis owner, I really like these particular tools. This one is the, this is from Hot Octopusss, it has this little frendulum plate. This is a stroker. Then you have the manta, which is really great for oral pleasuring a penis while you give it vibration. That’s my favorite thing to do with this, but there’s a lot of things you can do with this.

Or the prostate stimulation simultaneously with any kind of other pleasuring. There are two products I like a lot for that. One of them is the Plex, which is a Hot Octopuss product. And I really like this Aneros product. And it comes with a remote control as well. And there’s this really fun thing. What I like to do is, I like to put this in my partner and, uh, have him give me a yoni massage.

Because I like to start my lovemaking with a really nice long yoni massage so I can relax, get in my body, get really engorged. And I have two non negotiables in my sex. One is that I will be patient with my body, and I will allow her to tell me when she’s ready to move on from the pleasure of getting the blood flow.

And sometimes I’m like, oh, this is taking a long time. I’m like, but you just have to wait, she’ll tell you when she’s ready. And she always comes through for me, but it just sometimes takes me longer. And sometimes I’m ready to go shorter, but I really listened to that. And then I also don’t continue to do anything that’s not giving me really a lot of pleasure in the moment. I’m like, Hey, I got to stop now. And I used to think like I would have to give my partner an ejaculation. I would have to have it. And now I’m like. I got to stop now. I might, I might just need a rest, but I might be complete for this session. And so those are really two non negotiables for me.

One is always allow myself full engorgement until I’m ready for more. And the second is never do anything that my body isn’t absolutely loving in the moment. And that really helps a lot. But when I’m giving, when he’s giving me a yummy massage, This, uh, this has a really neat thing where it has 18 different, um, like, vibrations.

And so when he’s stroking my vulva, and vagina, and g spot, and all my parts, and he does a really good, like, oh my god, I give him another vibration. And then it has a turbo thing, a turbo booster on there. If it’s a really good one, and it, like, gave me a really good orgasm, because I come and come and come now from getting that.

I, I call this the zhuzh button, where he gets like an extra bonus, it’s like zhuzh, a little zhuzh, so he knows he just did a really good job. And so he can be pleasured while he’s pleasuring me, and I get to be in control of the remote, which is a really fun thing. So some of the things I like to do are like to come up with these kinds of ideas, because what I’ve found is that people like techniques and they like the communication skills, but they love erotic play dates.

So I will leave you with this. I came up with 48 erotic play dates, and I put it together in the Sex Life Bucket List. Because I want you to have a bucket list. I want you to have, like, things you want to learn and do so your sex life can keep getting better. I call that getting on the upward pleasure spiral, where sex keeps getting better your whole life long, and I am a testament to that.

And so that’s at SexLifeBucketList.com if you want to download it, it’s a PDF that has um, all 48 ideas and if you have, if you’re lucky enough to have a partner and you want one and you have it, do it together and see what their A list is, see what yours is, your B list is, well, it wouldn’t be for me, but if you want it, I would do it with you.

And C is, it’s not for me right now. Never say never, because as you evolve sexually, you’re going to realize oh wow, now I’m masturbating to that thing I used to think was like the weirdest thing that would never be on my list. So, um, with that, the only other thing that I didn’t have time to tell you is the 20 kinds of orgasms, and they’re all on the Sex Life Bucket List.

So if you were like, but she didn’t say it! Yeah, they’re on there, so you’ll get to learn about those. And number 20 as a wild card, you know, if you, if there’s something on there that you guys are doing, but it’s not on the list, please let me know, because I gotta add it to my list, because I just want to activate everyone’s orgasms.

Alright, last but not least, my time is up. I have had such a good time, and you’ve been a very rapt audience. You guys are the best! Thank you so much!

 

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