The Five Essentials Of Dirty Talk

I’m Susan Bratton, trusted hot sex adviser to millions, and you’re reading a series on dirty talk including how to talk dirty without feeling weird, a dirty talk secret trick, dirty talk fantasies, recognizing your and your lover’s dirty talk style, and the five essentials of dirty talk.

Want hot steamy sex and a deep connection with your lover? You need a fearless adviser who can show you the nuances that make for the best sex ever and that my dear is what you found in me?

Dirty talk can be a difficult subject. It bumps up against all sorts of resistance and boundaries. Men and women alike get triggered by dirty talk. So I’m going to proceed very tenderly and introduce you to this exciting territory bit by sexy bit. First, we’ll start by setting a context for dirty talk. Like I always say – “it’s all in the setup.” If you want a foundation of trust and understanding with your lover, understand certain fundamental differences between a man or the masculine partner and a woman or the more feminine partner. Once you’ve got that foundation in place, start slow with the soft stuff. I’ll teach you more and more and we’ll build from there and explore the five essentials for an effective dirty talk which are:


Freedom to speak is number one. How to overcome the resistance that stops you from talking dirty and having agreements in words that are off-limits if necessary.

Number two. Playfulness. How to turn dirty talk into your private love language and deepen the bond between you at a biological level.

Number three. Right-sized dirty talk. Learn to talk smack that’s tailored to your lover’s turn on but doesn’t go over the limit where dirty talk becomes a turn-off or just makes you feel weird.

Number four. Creative dirty talk. How to create a flow of sensual feelings, anticipation that enhances libido including telling fantasy stories during lovemaking.

And number five. Elevated dirty talk. Send your lover into ecstasy with vagina or yoni and penis or lingam worship.

Before we get into the nuts and bolts of dirty talk, let’s lay that foundation. This is the all-important setup. It creates a context of safety so you can both fully surrender to your pleasure together. You’ll never look back. Let’s explore the differences between what’s most important for a woman and a man and by man and woman I mean whoever is holding that polarity. Sometimes I like to switch and be dominant as many women these days do so. When I say man or woman often it just means whoever is holding that role. Other times, I mean specifically a male-bodied person because they are testosterone dominant or a female-bodied person because she’s ruled by estrogen.


Our sex hormones in part make us who we are and how we respond to things like dirty talk. For example, guys are fantastic because they’re so easy to please. What they want most is the respect with a capital R. They want and need to be held in high regard. Better still, they love to be admired. Girls aren’t the only ones. In addition, men want to win. It’s in their DNA. That desire to win is hardwired in the masculine. So get used to it. Better yet, revel in it.

The feeling you want to instill in a man is a sense of pride that comes with knowing he’s doing an awesome job that bolsters his own self-respect and increases his sense of competence as a man, and don’t you love a competent man. “You gave me so much pleasure I melted into the sheets. I can’t imagine there’s a hotter man out there than you. You’re such a stud the way you move inside me is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. If my girlfriends knew how good in bed you were, they’d steal you away so I can’t ever tell them but I wish I could brag about you.”

An important factor to keep in mind is the power of acknowledging a man for his strengths and I’m not just talking about his physical strength though I love that. I’m talking about the strength of his character and values. Guys thrive when they get respect for all that they bring to the table, and they bring so much. You’re a lover who has always made sure his woman has the ride of her life.


Let’s talk about the feminine. There’s a secret most men don’t know about women. If you’re the feminine, you’re going to love this part so Mister masculine listen up because this is key information that is both practical and actionable. You’re about to be clued in on precisely what to do to make your woman feel like the luckiest woman in the world. What a woman wants most from her man is to feel both cherished and desired in equal measure. There’s a world of difference between these two feelings and balancing them, essentially toggling back and forth between the terms of endearment and the raw sexy desire, keep her from feeling like your dirty talk is too dirty.

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