I’m Susan Bratton and you’re reading my wonderful series on dirty talk including how to recognize your lover’s dirty talk style, a dirty talk secret trick, how to talk dirty without feeling weird, the five essentials for dirty talk and dirty talk fantasies. You can take your newfound dirty talk expertise to level 11 just by moving from single phrases to telling fantasy stories to your partner before, during or after lovemaking, and this is a skill you can both hone. You can make up stories together.
The best lovers are people who can switch between being the giver and being the receiver. A good receiver knows how to completely surrender to pleasure. They can let go and allow themselves to truly feel a variety of sensations. They can follow rather than lead, open rather than manage, let go rather than attempt to control. They can listen rather than talk, and ultimately, they can allow themselves to come good and hard. Someone who truly feels the full measure of their pleasure, someone who can get lost in the sensations of the moment, who can lose themselves to lusty feelings, that’s a lover who’s a really good receiver, and receiving is as potent a gift as giving pleasure.
Too often, a lover will get caught up in making their partner come instead of being in the moment together. When you become as good at being a receiver as a giver, then you’re getting some mastery. A good giver, on the other hand, knows how to give their partner an experience and be open to receiving with pleasure. The hottest couples are those where each partner’s comfortable. Both taking either role-giver or receiver.
Here’s how that plays out in my boudoir. Sometimes, I get on top of my man and I make love to him. He’s on his pillow throne and all he has to do is receive while I slide myself up and down on him varying the strokes, the depth and the speed and teasing and tantalizing him and bringing him so close and backing off, all the while I’m spinning an entire fantasy story in his ear. “Oh, what’s that knock on the door? The cheerleaders are here. I forgot to tell you I invited them to come over. They’re all wearing miniskirts, but they’re not wearing any panties and when you pull off their cheerleading sweaters, they’ve all worn cup-less bras because I told them to. You are amazeballs at breast massage and they all want your hands all over their boobies. You’re gonna love all the different sizes and shaped breasts and the whole time you’re giving all the cheerleaders a breast massage, I’ll just go down on you while you pleasure them. Okay honey?” All the while I’m making love to him, and in this scene, I am totally taking on the role of giver.
My guy just gets to simply lay back and receive and enjoy the fantasy I’m painting for him, and here’s where it gets really fun. Because he’s auditory in his theta state, in his lovemaking state of mind, he’s gonna barely remember what I spurt in his ear. I couldn’t believe it when I discovered I can say the dirtiest things. He remembers only little snippets of what I said. That’s what emboldened me to make up crazier stories. I can talk about whatever wild and crazy stuff pops into my mind. I open the channel and I tell him all these sexy things, and it doesn’t even make any sense. It’s just a verbal ride, a roller-coaster of sexy ideas. My dirty talk are all just sexy ideas strung together. I don’t need to make sense. They’re just sexy and in service to my man’s turn-on.
When you get really good in bed with each other, you can switch it up whenever you feel the need. Sure, switching into the giver mode might take you out of some aroused highly sexual state, but there’s a deep pleasure in being the giver. When your partner’s the receiver, you get to give them exactly what they want. That’s a tremendous amount of satisfaction you get from giving someone you love what they need to feel sexually completely satiated by you sexually using dirty talk and switching it up. The key is to be able to mix and match. Over time, good lovers become extremely fluid with each other.
You start to flow easily between who’s giving and who’s receiving. I might give Tim oral for a while and then we flip and he gives me an Expanded Orgasm Genital Massage, and when he’s massaging me he’s telling me a dirty fantasy about something he knows will turn me on. Then we flip around and do some sex positions and maybe go back to simultaneously pleasuring each other in the 69 position. The fluidity, not knowing what’s next and keeping it open is what keeps your sex life exciting. We feel into each moment with newness and variety. We give each other options. We run each other menus. “Hey, do you think this would be fun?” It’s almost always a yes and adding dirty talk fantasy stories is like the frosting on that sexy cake that creates another dimension of hotness and sexual desire.
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