Tantric Dating: Shakti Queen’s Many Dragon Kings

I’m Susan Bratton with my friend Amara Charles. Amara is a spiritual sexuality expert, and we’re doing this series on her teachings called the Shakti Queen. I love this series because it’s about the masculine-feminine dynamic and how you can step more fully into your feminine power and have better relationships with men. Learn more about tantric dating.

Amara and I agree that we are equal opportunity gender spectrum lovers when we say that. When she or I say man and woman, we mean masculine and feminine. Know that wherever you are in the gender spectrum with your partner, you might be the more masculine, and one might be the more feminine.

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We’re relating to that polarity of the magnet that is the masculine and feminine. In this episode, Amara will be talking about something she calls her Dragon King experiences: understanding the differences between men and women or the masculine and feminine and playing into it rather than pulling away from or having conflict around it. 

Where did the Dragon King come from? I know you’ve studied a lot of spiritual lineages? Say all the spiritual heritage that you have learned. 

Amara: I have over 30 years of experience in the quadoshka tradition of the Sweet Medicine SunDance teachings of Turtle Island. That’s from the indigenous teachings originating in the Mayan and Olmec cultures. I also have many years of experience in the Taoist, the white tigress teachings, and the white tigress tradition, where the name Dragon King comes from. 

The dragon in the Taoist tradition is this powerful mythical beast, and the king is the highest expression. Dragons are magical. They breathe fire; they can change time dimensions. They’re pretty mystical, but our way of using the Dragon King brings out the very best in any man you are with. Bringing out that hot, potent masculine power and the beauty of his heart. That’s what a Dragon King is. We seek to have benevolent, very generous, kind, compassionate, strong, human kings in our life. 

Use your feminine powers as the Shakti Queen to support and give your man the platform for his whole expression. When you start bringing your full feminine expression, you understand how you’re different from him in his masculine face. You encourage his growth and his greatness. 

What are your techniques for tantric dating? 

One thing I think is essential when we find a masculine source of male energy, we hone, and everything else disperses and goes into the background. When you were in high school, your girlfriends were out of the picture when you found the guy. We tend to laser focus on a man, and when we’re with a man, we want that man to be everything. We want him to satisfy us emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and sexually. I think this is a tremendous mistake to narrow our focus. 

Sure, we could be loyal, faithful, loving, and monogamous, but we shouldn’t close that lens. We must be a Shakti queen. We should have a lot of beautiful men, many Dragon Kings. 

How do we make all the men in our lives feel like Dragon Kings? When a woman consciously cultivates different men in her life, she realizes that one man ignites her mind, another man ignites the feelings of her body, and yet another can hear her heart. Each man turns on a different jewel, a different brightness inside, and if we have this complete wheel of Dragon Kings in our life, we don’t need to exhaust our central Dragon King. I’m not sure man recognizes the value of that. He’s not jealous and possessive. That is the main issue of how we enjoy and experience a variety of men. 

It doesn’t mean we have to have sex with them. We can appreciate their qualities, friendships, and support. It takes the pressure off our main guy if he’s open to it. I think that comes from appreciating the unique and individual flavor of a man and letting him know that for who he is and how he shows up in the world, you respect and love him. 


It’s almost like having many brothers or lots of uncles where you can love them all equally for different reasons. Begin to cultivate your Shakti Queen, and you can understand how to serve the masculine, how to develop, and bring him to his highest potential. You cannot just do that with one, but with many men. Then you are surrounded by a network of incredible men who love you because you love them for exactly who they are. Then that creates this beautiful feeling of you living your life in a world where so many people adore you because you love them, which raises everybody and spreads more love out there. 

The thing about love is this. You feel love more palpably when you give it than when you receive it because there’s always a little barrier to feeling that full expression of love in all of us.

Having all those men to love, I want you to think about who is in your life today that you could turn into a Dragon King with your love, respect, appreciation, and admiration. 

This is an exciting gift. I call it a Ceremonial Throwing Stones walkabout. You take a walk, and you’re given guidance about doing this little ceremony to celebrate and honor the men in your life. I know that there are times that any man can irritate or do something that I wouldn’t like him to do. These minor or significant resentments tend to build up. 

In this little walkabout ceremony, first, you pick up a stone and think about the little grievances that irritate you. You hold on to that stone, and if you’re ready, you throw it and say, “I give this away.” Then when you walk back home, you step back in forgiveness, and you let each man come into your mind and ask yourself, “Can I forgive myself?” And then can I forgive him. Sometimes you may be able to, and sometimes you’re not ready, and that’s okay.

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