Susan Bratton and Anna Lindfors: Reconnecting with Sexuality

Susan Bratton and Anna Lindfors discuss their personal experiences in healing from sexual trauma and rediscovering intimacy. They emphasize the importance of self-pleasure, communication with partners, and expanding our understanding of sex beyond just penetration. Through biohacking, embodiment practices, and a curiosity for exploration, they encourage reconnecting with one’s sensuality.

Full transcript

Anna: Hi guys. It’s Anna Lindfors. I’m known as the biohacking, sexologist and, and psychologist all about healing and I’m so excited that Healan and, and Naomi and the team invited us to, to come here and talk to you guys about reconnecting with the sexuality. And that’s why I’m so excited to introduce to you Susan Bratton because she is incredible.

She’s one of the world’s leading intimacy experts. Mm-Hmm. And the way I talk to my friends about her, I use the terms force of nature. Because, because that’s what you really are, you know, at the age of, you know, sixty-one. Yeah. Your, what’s your biological age? Forty-three 0.5. Exactly.

Forty-three 0.5, you know, and, and the life you’re living, the sex you’re having. Yeah. You, you’re just so inspiring. So that’s why I’m so excited to have this conversation with you about Reconnecting with our sexuality, reconnecting with our bodies, with our partners, and just elevating sex.

Susan: Yeah, well I did a lot of healing to get here and once I got through the healing process, that’s the thing I believe about sexual healing is that hardly any of us escape life without getting some kind of trauma.

Yeah, some damage, some shame. And it really runs the gamut and it stays with us, but we can in a way overcome it and go on to have super, satisfying, soul enriching sensuality and great orgasms and great intimacy and, and all of those things that I’m definitely living proof of the process and the worth of that process, really.

Yeah. Yeah.

Anna: Well, look, I just, I just. I just came up with a question that I really want to ask both of us. Okay. That we probably don’t talk about that often, but just from what you said Yeah. Is and especially because what, what I talk about is our broken culture around sex and because

Susan: I love that you talk about that.

Anna: It’s, it’s so broken. So that’s why us individuals feel broken. Yeah. So could you share like a moment or like in your life when you felt broken? Yeah. And, and how you overcame that.

Susan: Yeah, it was probably that moment when my husband was driving out of the driveway leaving me, I was standing in my beautiful house in Silicon Valley.

My little, our little daughter was standing at our door with me watching her father drive away. Mm-Hmm. And I remember that she used to have this little, this little pink blankie that had satin edging and she would rub it on her lip when she was nervous to kind of soothe herself. And she was rubbing it on her lip.

And she said to my husband as he was in the car just waving to her, she said. Will you still be my daddy? And I’m like, oh, what am I doing? Why are we losing our marriage? I can’t let this happen. I can’t do this to my daughter. I don’t wanna lose my husband. And we were breaking up because what it really came down to was that I wasn’t having orgasms for intercourse.

Mm-Hmm. I’d had orgasms. I mean, I’d had intercourse with my husband. For over a decade. It was right after our 11th wedding anniversary. Mm-Hmm. So it’d been probably going on 12 years that we’d been intimate with each other. Mm-Hmm. And I’d never had an orgasm from intercourse. And I stopped wanting to have intercourse.

Like who wouldn’t? Yeah. And I thought it was me. I thought I was broken. I thought it was, you know, and then we went to, we learned that, intercourse orgasms are just a learned skill that everyone can do them. Just like all 20 kinds of orgasms are that the human body can have, not just women, but penis owners as well as vulva owners.

As we say around here in the sex land, you know, gender spectrum is available to all, so. It was in that moment I think that I fought for my sex life. I fought for my marriage and I fought for my own healing through the trauma that I had gone through. And what I realized was that it, it’s really two things.

It’s, it’s believing that it’s possible to have intimacy that really, makes you feel so grounded and so full of vitality and so happy, and so loved, and so satisfied that that comes from a combination of what I think are a couple of things.

Number one, moving through your trauma and resolving it. Mm-hmm.

And though you can never completely leave it behind, you can see when it’s running you, you can become aware of it and conscious you can find forgiveness and compassion and you can let go and move on. And there are some really great modalities for doing that. Mm-Hmm. Different things work for different people and I like to throw a lot of stuff at things, at problems.

Yeah. And then the second piece is learning skills, learning pleasuring skills, because it does take skills and that includes not just the physical, but the communication skills. Mm-Hmm. And then the third piece is intimate wellness. Like if your parts aren’t working, if things hurt, mm-hmm. You gotta fix it as you go.

‘Cause you can’t get to 60, 70, 80, 90, a hundred years old and have, what I like to think about as not just longevity and a health span, but as, as an expanded sex span. I wanna have great sex that keeps getting better till the day I die. I got on that upward pleasure spiral by learning the techniques and the communication skills and understanding how my body wants things on any given moment and being able to ask for that. And I know that my sex life’s gotten better over the decades now. And I believe it can keep going as long as I also maintain my physical health. That you have to maintain that too, because we do get old. We do atrophy. We do have painful sex. We do have lack of erectile function. We do have loss of blood flow and all those things, but we can fix them all, which is where we get into the sexual biohacking. Exactly. Which is kind of how we met. You know? That’s true. We share that phrase, the sexual biohacker. We are both sexual biohackers.

We’re we’re drawn to believing we can keep improving. We have that, that, that mindset.

Anna: Exactly. And I feel like biohacking, sexuality and biohacking sex is the missing piece when it comes to biohacking, you know, we have, right. What I like to say is that it doesn’t matter whether you take, you know, seventy-five supplements, or use five devices that day when you’re having a conflict with your partner.

Mm-Hmm. Or if you’re not orgasming, it doesn’t matter how much red light therapy you’re taking. Yeah. Like it really does not. Mm-Hmm. So we need to talk about the stuff. We need to talk about things. That we all can do to improve our sex life, improve our lives through that. Yeah. But I like to get I like to go down to the basics.

Mm-Hmm. You know, like, okay. Sexual biohacking is very much regular biohacking. Yeah. A lot of those you do Grounding meditation, nutrition. Mm-Hmm. Balancing your hormones. You know, having a personalized approach to that tracking. Mm-Hmm. Tracking your recovery or sleep. It’s funny how these biometric devices you see, you know, you see when you have sex and you see, yeah, you see the impact of sex as, as part of your biohacking routine. And I don’t know if you’ve heard of lioness. Oh, sure. Of course. It’s a smart vibrator that tracks your orgasms. Yeah. And I think it’s an amazing tool for, for, well, especially for women and vulva owners, but for everyone to, to track your orgasms and learning your orgasm patterns I think it’s an amazing tool.

Susan: I think I’d blow those suckers up. There You do. Yeah. Put, put it in there and it would just go boom into a million pieces. Does not compute. I also, she came so hard, she blew up the lioness.

Anna: You know, we’re both sexologists, we’re both sex bi-hackers, and, and we have, you know, slightly different approaches.

Like, I have this more feminine and healing and sensuality and connect. I’m more like the cuddly sexologist. I like the cuddlier. And then Susan is like the powerhouse I comes through with like, all, you know, vibrate. And you know what, whatever tools you have, just bring it on and, and kick ass. So I like, I love the, I love the contrast.

But. I think one question that, that intrigues our listeners Mm-hmm. Is how to connect with oneself. Yeah. If, if we want to improve our sex lives. Mm-Hmm. And then we say, oh, connect with yourself. So what would be your advice on for individuals and how can they connect with themselves?

Susan: Hands-on hands-on.

Yeah. You know, one of the interesting things is, that there’s, there’s really three, kind of three places where pleasure works really well in your body together. One is your mouth, the other is your breasts for women. And then, and for many men, Mm-Hmm. Very sensitive nipples. Exactly. Nipple-gasms. And then your genitals, whether you wanna call it your yoni or your lingam or your vulva and your penis.

Mm-hmm. Or whatever it might be, your genital anatomy and. The only downside for me to self-pleasuring is you can’t make out with yourself.

So I do. I am lazy and I do like a partnered, I like partnered pleasure better. But how do you begin to achieve your orgasmic potential through self-pleasuring? And I love hands-on self-pleasuring, and I think it’s great. But I really like sex toys. Mm-Hmm. I am in the middle of working on a number of things.

One of the things I just launched, I think I told you about, this, was my quiet vibe guide. It’s at and it’s I’m a, I’m a very sensitive, I’m a highly sensitive person. I think that’s what makes me a good sex expert is I can have these incredible sexual experiences and then I can write them down or do a video and tell you how to do it.

I like to give you the map so you can get where I’ve been and. One of the things that I’m working on right now is called orgasmic cross training. Hmm. It’s this notion that if you stimulate different parts, let’s just talk about the vulva anatomy as an example. We have air stimulators that actually suck the clitoral hood.

Mm-Hmm. We have thrusters and pulsators that go inside the vagina. We’ve got rabbits that do the inside and outside simultaneously. We’ve got g-spot tools, wands, vibrators, that work really well. Flip ’em upside down. You can do the other sponge, which is the perineal sponge. We’ve got three erectile tissue systems.

Mm. We’ve got. The outside outer labia, the new wands are really great for stimulating the mons. I mean, if you, for example, wanna have a female ejaculatory orgasm, one of the easiest ways to get everything flowing is to spend time really stimulating the Mons Venus. Because that’s where the, the flow comes in so that you can ejaculate.

So I am putting together this concept, which is here are the eight different types of toys that stimulate the different locations of the vulva. And then I move on to the male body. Mm-Hmm. And try them all and keep them all in your pleasure, chest and cross train so that you’re activating new neural pathways all throughout your genital system. So that you get more engorgement, more blood flow.

Mm-Hmm. Which makes all the tissue swell to send more pleasure signals to your brain so you can cross the chasm, close the orgasm gap. Make it very easy to come in a lot of ways. Then you get more confidence, not just in the bedroom with other partners, but you get confidence in yourself that you carry outta the bedroom and into your life. Because you just feel accomplished in something that is so fundamental to your health and your growth.

Anna: Exactly. I love how you, you give advice, you give such specific advice on like different toys and like how to touch yourself, like specific, like touching techniques and, and so on.

And, and I guess what I would add to that is to then take a step back. Yeah. Because, when we talk about self-pleasure, a lot of people tell me that, why, why should I do self-pleasure? Like I, I’m not in the mood. My libido is low. Why should I do that? And it actually I had a, I had a conversation with one client of mine, and I’m sharing this anonymously and with permission, but, mm-Hmm.

We were talking about self-pleasure and, and the difference between sex. And she she was just saying like, Anna, like self-pleasure feels different. Like, what am I doing wrong? Mm-Hmm. And I said, it’s supposed to feel different. Mm-Hmm. It’s, it’s your own dimension of sexuality where you get to explore your body, but it’s not the same as sharing sex with a partner.

Mm-Hmm. So. So then we come down to how do you activate yourself for self-pleasure. Mm-Hmm. How do you tune your mind and body into wanting to touch yourself? Yeah. Into feeling that desire and love. And the way I do it with my clients and in online courses is through embodiment. So returning to your body and a simple, a very simple tip for this is because I know a lot of people are busy and you have your kids and you have all these things going on that’s taking away attention from sex. Mm-Hmm. Where it deserves to be, but it’s not right now. Mm-Hmm. You take two to three minutes to yourself in the morning, you put on for example, the sensual dance playlist that I created to help you get there and help you get in the mood. You, you put on a song and you don’t think about it, but you feel it, you really tune into it. You tune into your body and you start moving. You don’t think about how you look like, or, or whatever’s happening. You just, you feel your body and you allow that sensuality to come through.

Mm-Hmm. It’s, it’s a very feminine practice in many ways, to many people. Yeah. But it can be. For, for men who, who do this, they some of them have told me that they’ve, you know, cried Mm-Hmm. Cried after because it’s such a, it’s such an immense touching. It’s so touching. It’s such an immense experience to, to connect with your body.

It, it shouldn’t be that way, but just, just all of you listening, just take that moment. We’ll put the link below. You can access the playlist. Just take that moment for yourself. Explore, you know, different types of touch like stroking or tapping and, you know, shaking and jumping and whatever comes naturally.

Mm-Hmm. Just let that energy flow. And that sets out your entire day.

Susan: You’re reminding me of something. Can I share something with you? Yes, of course. I love that. When I was just looking at you, you were kind of like, you were kind of like undulating, you know, you were doing this thing and one of the things that I noticed when I’m getting turned on Mm-Hmm.

So I had to train myself over, over the years to, to not be performative. To not to not moan until a moan came out to not to not even move. One of the things that my husband and I do is something called an expanded orgasm practice, and we’ve been doing it for a couple of decades. It’s essentially a yoni massage, but it’s a clitoral stroking technique.

So it’s kind of like we’ve combined these things over the years and we have a yoni massage and we do this clitoral stroking technique. Mm-Hmm. And what I had to do was give myself permission to, to not, respond in any way just to relax and completely receive and to not feel like I had to moan or move or try to have an orgasm.

But instead to allow my body the time and the pleasure that it needed to become turned on. And what I noticed is that the first thing that happens for me is that I go into a, a deeper relaxation. Mm-Hmm. And then I’ll notice, and I think it’s. Prolactin, I think the hormone prolactin gives you this kind of let down feeling.

Not a negative let down, but more like a relaxation feeling. And I’ll notice that I want to start moving. I’ll just, I’ll just naturally, my spine will wanna start moving and sometimes Tim will just take his hands off me. I’m, I’m there lying in front of him and he’s just stroking me and he’ll just allow me to kind of move around and stretch and just let that all go.

And shortly after that, it. It, that’s when sounds start to come. Mm. And I start to make noises, and then I know that I’m really moving into another level of arousal that, that arousal stair step starts out. The steps are long and slow, and then they stack and they get easier and you get more. The turn on accelerates as you begin, but it’s very slow, almost tedious in some ways.

Like I trust my body can get aroused. It’s gotten aroused every time I’ve allowed it. Every time I’m safe and getting the stimulation that I need. So I’m not going to rush her. I’m gonna let her do whatever she wants to do. And that’s what’s natural and right. Mm-Hmm. And I think that, you know how you are always saying that it’s that you’re not broken. Yeah. I think that when women try to have the response of our male-bodied partners Yeah. You know, they’re so quick to get their hard on, they’re ready to go. They’ve got testosterone baths in the morning, in the afternoon that are greater than ours, and so they’re just, they’re, they’re, they’re designed to be ready when we’re ready.

So they’re always more ready than we are, or a lot not always, right? Yeah. But they’re ready. And so I, I often say to the guys, turn around and go back and get her and help get her up her arousal ladder. Just give her the space. Help her allow herself the time that it takes to get up that ladder. That’s been a very powerful, I guess just a transition from feeling performance anxiety. Am I gonna have an orgasm? Mm-Hmm. Will I have a good time? Will he be happy with me? All of the self-doubt that creeps in. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. In the performative mindset. Yeah. And when we have this expanded orgasm practice, which is one of the rules of engagement, is she completely receives. Her lover completely gives mm-hmm.

There’s no requirement for her to do anything. And she can just be. So I love that part of it because I do think that, especially with pornography, we’re just seeing images of performative sex everywhere we go. The movies, the media, it’s all so performative and you can’t be vulnerable and heart-connected and truly intimate if you think you’re supposed to be doing something, you just have to see what she does. That’s, I think one of the beauties of it is allowing her to do what she needs to do.

Anna: Exactly. And I, you know, I, I fully agree. And I guess, I guess the challenge when it comes to sex and the beauty when it comes to sex is that it can be the most integrating experience we can ever have as humans.

It can be the most pleasurable, most orgasmic it could. Yeah. Y you know, like I’ve, you know, just, just describing it just gives you this cold chills and, and you know, the bodily feeling because it, that’s, that’s how beautiful it can be. Exquisite.

Susan: Exquisite. I love, it’s an exquisite experience of pleasure and co and co-creation of pleasure.

Mm-Hmm. I love one of the things that I love, so. My style, my brand of sex, if you will. ’cause there’s different people. There’s, you know, Dom’s and people into kink and BDSM and, you know, all kinds of things. And, and what I’ve really focused on is what I call heart-connected, conscious, passionate, love making.

So I want, I wanna be in love. I want to want to tell my partner that I love them. When we’re making love, I love you. Yeah. I love you so much. I want to open my heart and feel that, because I really didn’t start feeling that until I’m, I think, forty-eight forty-nine years old. Mm-Hmm. I, I I was afraid to fully love.

Yeah. And my, one of my girlfriends, I had a, a mentor, she’s passed named Debra Annapol. She wrote a book called The Seven Laws of Love. And one of the laws of love is that your heart is a muscle that’s a door. And when you open it, it, it makes it stronger and it makes you feel love and the way that you feel love is to to love.

Mm-Hmm. You actually feel more, more of the love experience by loving than being loved. Yeah. And I just was like, I gotta, I gotta start doing this. And I just focused on it. So I like the heart connected and then the conscious is, I’m showing up in this experience with you and myself. Yeah. And I am present to whatever is going to happen.

Mm-Hmm. Without being performative, I’m going to be vulnerable, honest. Ask for what my body is asking for, tell you what you’re doing right. And great. Mm-Hmm. Ex ask for corrections when needed. If it doesn’t feel good, I’m going to just, be, be, be here. Not there. Not there. Not there. I’m gonna just keep bringing myself sex as a mindfulness practice so the conscious, the passionate is I’m gonna let myself go. I’m gonna let her rip. I’m gonna just full out, enjoy myself. I’m gonna take my pleasure and in the taking of my pleasure. It’s gonna give you so much pleasure to see me fully taking my pleasure. And then the lovemaking is this idea that I’m not having sex.

Because when you think about sex, it’s intercourse. Yeah. And I want all the things. I want the makeouts. I want to be petted. I want sensual massage. I want oral pleasuring. I want toys. I want positions. I wanna take pictures of, oh baby, you look so precious. Let’s do a selfie. I want water breaks. I want a strawberry.

I wanna change the playlist. I wanna. Put on an outfit, take off an, I want it to be just this, just this fun ride where we meet in the room and we don’t know what’s going to happen. Whatever our appetite calls for, if there’s something you want, if there’s something I want. Well, let’s see what it is. I think one of the most fun things about having sex with me, I’d like to hear what one of the most fun things is about having sex with you.

What for my partners is that they never know what we’re gonna do.

Anna: I love, but that’s how sex should be. That’s the love making, you know, because, because we live in this culture where sex is so performative, you know, like what you just described there is that sex can be so much more than, you know, 10 to 15 minutes with two minute intercourse.

You know, like that’s. And, you know, no, no dissing on that, but I actually the, I think what we need is to expand our understanding of what sex is. It doesn’t always need to be a four-hour tantric session. Because if you do that every single night or all day long Mm-Hmm. You get exhausted. Yeah. So.

Just as important it is to have, you know, like five-minute quickie over the kitchen counter. Like, you know, like when you really feel the desire.

Susan: I’m not big on quickies because I’ve been married 30 years. Mm-Hmm. And I like the warm-ups and the yoni massages. When it, when you meet somebody new, you can do a quickie ’cause you’re super turned on and you’re ready to go.

But I tend to like those longer dates. I know quickies can be really fun, but I’m always left a little dissatisfied by them. I’d rather often, I’d rather wait until I’m, I, because I, I must be fully engorged. If I’m not fully engorged. My husband is like, I’m not having a quickie with you. If I, if I offer him a quick, he’s like, you, you know, Yoni’s just gonna get a chip on her shoulder. She’s going to get her nose outta joint, and I don’t wanna get yelled at for doing a quickie. So he’s like, no, we’ll just wait until we have more time, because if I’m rushed, I don’t have as much fun. So I do like longer, but I like different things.

Like last night I stroked Tim’s penis while he, and then he wrote, ’cause we went and got Femiwave (now called GAINSWave for Her) and GAINSWave by, it’s a biohacking thing. They’re acoustic wave that goes into the genitals and it restores and rejuvenates the genitals. You do a series of them. And I’m a spokesperson for them, so I talk a lot about it, I do it to myself. And he had his GAINSWave and I had my Femiwave on Monday and I filmed mine and he, and then I sat with him and we filmed his, and then I just blur out the yoni in the, in the lingam parts. And I. Put ’em on my YouTube channel so people can see, Hey, it doesn’t hurt. You can have a great conversation.

This is what they do. It’s super fun. It’s totally this thing that you can do to keep your equipment in great order. But, but it gets a little sore for a couple of days after because you’re, you’re stimulating new tissue growth. And so last night, our date consisted of I stroked, I just stroked and manipulated his penis, his testicles, his perineal area, the base of his penis, all where the GAINSWave went. And then he rubbed pain, pain, cream, THC, pain cream, and some, some traditional Chinese medicine healing self. Onto my yoni and rubbed it in until it felt good, and then we went to bed, but we were still intimate. It was still exactly sweet, you know, it was just really nice.

That’s that’s what we were up for last night. Sometimes it’s a breast massage, sometimes it’s oral pressuring, sometimes it’s a make out and some stroking. Nipplegasms and some stroking and some makeouts. You know, it’s sometimes it’s just a yoni massage and then a Lingam massage. Sometimes it’s just a yoni massage and then mommy goes to sleep.

You know?

Anna: No, but I love that just just to expand our understanding of sex and intimacy. Mm-hmm. And expanding it into. You know, your daily life. Yeah. Kisses and touches. Mm-Hmm. And, and hugs and just, just normal human touch. And, and petting, petting and stroke.

Susan: Everybody loves to be petted. Exactly. Yeah. Our male partners, they are starved for petting.

They don’t get that. So, yeah. I love, I love all of those kinds of things. I really like to, like you said, expand what is possible for us in pleasure.

Anna: Yes. I guess when we talk about, you know, reconnecting with sensuality, so we start with your connection to yourself. Mm-Hmm. With your pleasure and embodiment.

Working towards learning to love yourself and understanding what you like. Yeah. And, and how you orgasm and what, what even is pleasure to you and what role sex plays in your life. And then expanding that with your partner through different forms of intimacy. And I like what you said, you know, sex, sex does not equal penetration.

Right. And this comes as a surprise to so many. When I ask people, it’s like, what is sex? Mm-Hmm. And they say, oh, it’s, it’s this. Okay. What about, what about oral or, or like, foreplay not sex or afterplay is not sex, it’s just just a penetration. So just expanding that. And allowing yourself to be pleasured.

Mm-Hmm. And pleasuring your partner. Mm-Hmm. I think one of the most, like the sexy, one of the most sexy things is just to hold. Yeah. Just to hold each like with, with my heart. Like hold each other. Yeah. And like, look into each other’s eyes. Yeah. Or, you know, you can even have your partner inside you. Mm-Hmm.

And you just hold Mm-Hmm. It’s so healing. It’s, and then you can enjoy, those different levels of arousal and return to yourself and return to each other and, and just cultivate pleasure. And then sometimes, sometimes you climax in, in different ways. Mm-Hmm. But just celebrating the, the richness of that experience.

Susan: I also like the, the practicing of things. There’s a couple of things that you’re, you’re reminding me of. One is that I have a technique called the soulmate embrace. Mm. Because a lot of times when we’re held as women, we relax, ah. And then our partner lets us go and we, what we really want is to be gathered up even more close.

Yeah. And held even longer until it’s almost like this natural thing, this natural pattern happens, we relax and then our, something comes up for us emotionally that we need to get off our chests. So we need to let that go. We need to let things out to, to relax again. And then in that time of letting things go, we might get a tear in our eye.

Hmm. That’s the actual beginning of relaxation. Yeah. Because the tear is also, you’ll notice your mouth start to water, you’ll notice your vagina will start to lubricate. Mm-Hmm. It’s a letting down. It’s a, it’s a relaxation. And all arousal has to begin in relaxation. That’s the thing. If you, if, if you’re not relaxed, you can’t really achieve the highest amount of pleasure.

And then. All of a sudden you’ll, you know, you didn’t know that you felt like being intimate with your partner. You just really wanted a to be held. Yeah. But then you got really relaxed because your partner started pulling you closer and then your partner started stroking you like a kitty cat, you know, like from the top down and just relaxing you and your back and your buns and, and then that, then all of a sudden you’re looking at your partner and you’re like, oh yeah. Yeah, I do like you. Mm-Hmm. And then you’re nuzzling your faces together, and then there’s little, kisses on the cheek and kisses on the eyelids. I remember one guy read my Soulmate Embrace and he started doing it to his wife, and he said she now walks up to me and goes, kiss my eyelids. You know, she just wants the kisses on her eyelids. She just loved that. It’s so precious. And then she’ll get on top of you and she’ll start kissing you and then it can move into more sensual, more sexual types of things. But that’s a, that’s a very, very good kind of unlimited yoni massages and unlimited soulmate embraces, I think, are, when our partners start to just be available for us anytime we want those things without expectation. No quid pro quo. No, I’ll do you, but you have to do me. Yeah. All the guys that come to me and say, I wish I had more sex with my partner. I wish she wanted me more. I wish she initiated. I always say, well, I can give you two of the three.

She’s not gonna initiate. And if she did, you won’t even be able to read her signals, they’re so inscrutable. So what you have to keep doing is you just have to keep making her small offers. Yeah. Would you like me to hold you? Would you like a foot rub? Would you like a yoni massage? What do you need. And when you’re always available, whenever she wants physical pleasure, without expectation that it will go further. You will net so much more of what you want too. And then you’ll realize, oh, I actually did want all those things that that she was asking me for. I wanted, I, to take her on an incredible orgasmic journey with my hands. I wanted to see her laying before me as I stroke her clitoris, and she’s coming like crazy and I’m doing this to her and I’m, she’s riding my ride and I’m making this happen.

I mean, it makes him feel so good. So I really love giving male partners lots of ways to. Connect intimately without it feeling like he’s trying to get intercourse because she’s not there. Yeah. So she’s not going to initiate intercourse because she’s way back behind you. So the more you bring her forward, bring her forward, bring her forward, the more she’s gonna be a yes and want more and ask for more.

And I think that’s like, it’s such a simple ninja trick, but it’s hard for guys because they’re very focused and goal-oriented and way ahead of us. And so they just don’t know ’cause they don’t live in our bodies, you know? Exactly. And then they, and then they get like. Frustrated. They get like victimhood, you know?

Mm-Hmm. They start to really like, she doesn’t want me, she’s frigid. You know, they have all these stories they make up, when in reality we just need more holding. Yeah, exactly. More touching, more slowness. And then there are times when we do love to jump their bones.

Anna: I love that. And I think, you know, that’s, what you just described there, that’s where trauma comes in. Mm-Hmm. You know, that’s when your ego is hurt. Like, oh, does she not want me? Yeah. Am I not lovable? Am I not desirable? Yeah. And then you react and when you react, you push her away. Same with women. Yeah. Because the way many men perceive their sexuality is through their ability as a lover.

Yeah. And the way men, no, the way women perceive their sexuality is through their appearance and how desired they are. Yeah. And then by changing this culture and, and connecting with each other, you can change this. You can understand, okay. As a man. What can I provide to my partner to make her feel safe?

Mm-Hmm. And to make her feel wanted and desired. Yeah. Which is her primary need. Yeah. And then, you know, for women, what can you do to your partner? I think that’s where the feminine masculine polarities come, come to play. Mm-Hmm. We all possess. You know I, I like to be my feminine. I love to, to celebrate that.

But then there are moments when I’m very much in my masculine Mm-Hmm. And, you know, that comes out in me. We dance to dance. And I notice the same with you. Like even during our discussion, we both kind of shift and, and, and, and play this dance. So what I would say to everyone listening and tuning in is that really surrender.

Surrender to this dance and, and start learning about your partner. Mm-Hmm. And there’s only so much we can discuss during this masterclass and like we’ve gone from one topic to, to another. Mm-Hmm. And so if you really want to deepen your understanding get to know your body. Get to understand your body and, and how to connect with your partner, how to enhance sex and tap into those multiple different orgasms.

Mm-Hmm. We, we actually have a special discount code for you guys just for this masterclass for my online course that I created with Biohacker Center. It’s called Biohacking Love and Relationships. It’s a six week online program that literally takes you from feeling broken and having sexual dysfunction, having these challenges with sex into having orgasmic sex into connecting with your partner.

And it’s just, you know, it’s just so beautiful for me to see. Mm-Hmm. And, and those of you who know more of my story and for me, you know, feeling broken and then connecting with my sensuality, connecting my sexuality, and just the power of it. And I feel for both of us, we just want to share. We want to help.

Susan: We want everyone to have what we’re having. Exactly, exactly. To get over any trauma that you’ve had and come through it whole on the other side, a, a, a sexually confident and sexually fulfilled being. Exactly. Yeah. And I’ll tell you, our society, our culture, religion, the patriarchy, everything is doing all of us a disservice.

And having a course like biohacking, relationships and love, love and relationships, love and relationships, biohacking love and relationships. Mm. I think that. When you make a commitment to yourself that you’re gonna step into the journey. And Anna is a very well-educated thought leader. So you’re in good hands with her and the people that she picked to be part of this process.

And when you say to yourself, you know what, for the next six weeks, I’m just gonna slowly walk myself through this process. Instead of scrolling Instagram at night, I’m just actually going to watch this video and sleep on this and take this in and do the exercise and have the experience in my kinesthetic felt sense body.

I’m gonna do it. I’m not gonna intellectualize about my sex life. I’m going to go through a physical process of learning and experiencing things that will get me where some lucky other people already are. Whether they got there like Anna and I did through working through our traumas, and then learning love-making skills and communication skills, which is what you’ll get in this program.

Mm-Hmm. Or they were lucky enough to escape unscathed from our culture. And there are very few of those. I think what’ll happen too is that if you’re in a partnered relationship and you go through this program, this six-week program, what you’re gonna find is that there are myriad ways that, society has kind of beat you up.

Yeah. And given you the wrong ideas and impressions. And so there will be many level sets in the course that will ripple through your personal relationships, your relationship with family and friends, your relationship with the people with whom you work. There’s something about righting the ship of your sexuality, yeah, that, gives you steady forward movement in all things. Mm. I think because it’s just such a vital part of who we are, it reboots our neurotransmitters, it relieves anxiety. It makes us look younger and makes us feel more energy. There’s so many other downstream effects of having great intimacy, whether you’re soloed or in a relationship.

Plus, if you are solo. Mm. And you walk through this six-Week program, you come out the other end, someone who is going to be a much better candidate to be in a relationship. So if right now one of the things that you’re finding is that you’re frustrated that you’re not finding the kind of love that you want, maybe this is a place for you to start in good hands with Anna.


Anna: Thank you for saying that. I, I appreciate that. It’s, and it’s like for me, okay. The way I structured the course is similar to how I work with my individual clients. But with through this course you have a self-paced way of doing it. So you can watch the video and then in each module you get reflective questions, you get tasks, exercises, you know, really to connect with your body and touch your body.

Learn how to do that. That’s nice. So, you know, in, instead of just learning about, different types of orgasms you actually explore. Yeah. Different types of orgasms by yourself and, and or with your partner. Or just understanding your attachment style and how your relationships impact you. Mm-Hmm. You actually learn to identify those patterns and change them.

Yeah. And that makes such a big difference not only to your sex life, but your work life, your health, everything. Mm-Hmm. Because sexuality is our core. And that needs to be connected. Mm-Hmm. Otherwise everything else falls apart.

Susan: Yeah. You’re right, you’ll be running some very good energy by the time, mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Anna’s done with you. And that kind of energy that you’ll be running is so attractive. It’s attractive to everyone. It’s like a magnet. You really do magnetize people when you have a good, solid seat in your sexuality. Yeah. So, yeah. Great.

Anna: I love that. So the discount code for you guys. Oh, perfect.

We will, we’ll write it down. It’s called Kukuru-fifty. So for only for people in this master class, you get 50% off the course. Nice. So now’s the time to sign up during this master class. Yeah. Any final words? I really enjoyed this.

Susan: If people, me too. Yeah, I like, I like, I like sex. We’ll probably be doing some more things together.

When a person goes through the class, if they have questions, do you, are you available to them if they get stuck? How so? They can communicate with you directly during their own

Anna: process? Exactly. Fantastic. Mm-Hmm.

So you’re a self-paced, but I’m there with you. Good. Through the entire journey to guide you, help you, and you also have to support of the community, of, of people doing their journey with you.

So it’s a, it’s a beautiful, it’s a beautiful community. It’s very healing. It’s safe. And I think it’s, you know, for me it’s just, it’s those moments when I get feedback, people saying, oh, I never, I have never experienced an orgasm before. Mm-Hmm. And now I experience full-body energetic orgasm, you know, orgasms and, and it’s this healing experience and it’s like, you know.

I, I’m getting chills. It’s like we did something right. Mm-Hmm. You know, we, we can do this, we can do this healing, and we don’t need to be stuck in that trauma and pain because we all go through that. Yeah.

Susan: You know, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll end with something where I, I, I don’t think that you’re ever completely through your traumas.

I, I mentioned earlier that you, you can begin to recognize them. And one of the things that I, at 61 years old, I don’t know if I told you this, I’m, because this was just like a real, a really recent realization for me and that was that, you know, I told you that the reason that I got into being a sex expert in publishing all these books and techniques that I wanted to teach people how to make love.

Was that I didn’t have orgasms from intercourse and I didn’t have orgasms from intercourse because I was abused as a child. I was sexually molested repeatedly as a child by a, a parent. Mm-Hmm. And you know, I worked through all of those things, but just maybe like a couple weeks ago, I have been for the last couple of years working on my cowgirl style, intercourse me on top of my partner.

Them lying down and I’ve been learning how to get myself off. So when you start making love, you know, you’re, you’re you, for women, a lot of times we’re in this receive mode where we’re just kind of like lying back and it’s getting done to us. And more and more I’ve become very, very proactive in my appetite and my desires and things.

And one of the things I’ve been working on the last couple of years, probably three or four years now, is, is learning all my own moves and what my body likes with intercourse when I’m leading the charge and, I noticed that as I was beginning to start sessions, love making sessions with my husband, when we would move to the point where I wanted intercourse, I said to him, you know, I would like to be the one on when we start, I would like to be the one on top cowgirl style I want to use, I want to choose how I’m being entered. Mm. And I flashed and I realized, oh, I need control over entry. Hmm. Like after that I’m fine, but because I had been violated Yeah. All those so many years ago that even to this day, that initial penetration moment, yeah. Contracted me. And I thought, well, that’s the easiest thing in the world from now on I will be the one who is the one who’s the sliding down on rather than sliding into.

And that just, I just realized what that was and I’m fine with it and everything is good. And it really wasn’t a big deal anyway, but, but I noticed, oh, that was from that trauma. That’s a piece that’s still left. Mm. And so. Once you begin to get whole and you get over your traumas, you, you, you, you can get over them, but there are always still these little vestiges, but they can just be learning experience.

They can be like, oh, I get why I wanna do that now. And that was one where I just liked the control of that very initial entrance. After that, I’m fine and so, so be it. Exactly. I’m hecka good at cowgirl too.

Anna: I love, and I think that’s just an example of how we are in this continuous and constant journey of healing.

It goes in different, it goes in different waves and in different phases. And sometimes you just want to enjoy, you don’t want to deal with the deep stuff. And sometimes they come up and then, and then you work through that, but. I think that’s the beauty of life a a as well. We are on a constant and continuous sex journey.

Yes. Oh, right. You know, like I am, I have so much to learn. Yeah. I have so much to experience. Yeah. And, and we are curious. Me too. We are playful. It’s like, you know, this childlike curiosity and play that comes to sex. Yeah. Everything that you can experience, it’s no longer you have to have sex or you have to have sex this way.

Yeah. But there, there are no rules.

Susan: No, just wait and see what comes up. I’ve always got a lot, I’ve got a sex life bucket list. I’ve always got little things on my bucket list that I wanna try next. Oh, I’m interested in doing this now. Oh, I’m interested in doing that now. Exactly. And I’m all, I’ve always got things on my list and so either I want to go into a well-worn groove and do exactly the same thing that I love, that I know is going to, you know, be the right thing for me that day.

And sometimes I just wanna try something completely new I’ve never done before. I always joke that if, that if sex were a brand, yeah, it would be sex, there’s always something more. It’s like sex”s tagline is there’s always something more, something more. Even for people like me who for the last two decades I have been constantly challenging myself to learn, expand, grow, try so many different things.

I’ve had incredible experiences. All 20 kinds of orgasms. Yeah. Been doing all the things, playing with all the toys, trying all the kinky stuff, doing it all. And still there’s more.

Anna: There’s more. I think that’s a good place to end. Me too. There’s more, you know, reconnect with yourself, Reconnect with your partner, and just approach sex with curiosity and play and just understand that there’s just always more.

Sex doesn’t need to be anything, but it can be. It can be everything. Yeah. Wow. Thank you so much for being here with me. My pleasure. I hope you guys enjoyed. I know we did. I did. And we’ll see you soon at the course.

Susan: Yeah. See you on the other side.

Anna: Okay. Bye.


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