Hi, I’m Susan Bratton, your trusted hot sex adviser to millions. Welcome to the Prostate Care series with myself and Dr. Reilly from Real Sex Talk. Dr. Reilly is both a prostate masseuse and an expert on prostate care as well as a Youtuber like I am.
We’re talking about premature ejaculation how you can massage and move your prosthetic fluid through your system, and masturbate yourself so that you move the fluid through and out of your prostate so it doesn’t get stuck like sludge. Premature ejaculation affects one in four men of every single age.
If you are one of the 25% of guys affected by premature ejaculation or have a partner and you’re trying to help them solve their premature ejaculation issues, there’s a few things we’re going to tell you. Most sexperts like Dr Reilly and I don’t like the term PE. It’s derogatory. It makes men feel ashamed. I want you to understand how prevalent early ejaculation is for guys. There are many things you can do to reverse the trend and last as long as you want or as long as your woman wants you to.
Guys unknowingly teach themselves premature ejaculation. When they’re young, they start masturbating. They’re getting these erections and they’re not sure what to do. They’re with friends, family or in school so they run somewhere quick and rub it till it feels good, ejaculate and go on about their day. This becomes a pattern for most guys.
Every time they masturbate, they try to get to that end result. They just want to ejaculate. They want to feel good. Well, you’re training your body to have premature ejaculations. You’re telling your body that as soon as this feels good, it’s time to ejaculate. Fast forward a little bit, you get a bit older, you start having sex and you might not even have penetration yet and you’re getting close, you’re getting excited and you’re ejaculating.
I’m always trying to explain to guys that unbeknownst to you, you didn’t mean to do this to yourself but you set yourself up. It’s how you’re masturbating that’s contributing to your premature ejaculation. Anxiety is a big factor in premature ejaculation. If you’ve come faster than you wanted to, then you’re worried about doing it and that makes you tight and you ejaculate fast. Another issue is sensitivity. It really feels for some men. So good that it immediately makes them ejaculate. I’ve talked to guys who have said that they would insert their penis into their partner’s vagina and come immediately. They couldn’t even make it all the way in before they would ejaculate.
There’s a wide range of reasons why men have premature ejaculations. One of them is focusing on lowering your anxiety. If you don’t start with that, none of the physical things we can teach you will have any effect. You have to look at your stress levels.
An important thing you can do is stay in the moment with your partner. Many guys are in their head, distracted and worried so much that they’re not even present. The second thing is slow down some more. Nobody’s in a rush. Men tend to get a hard-on and feel like they immediately have to penetrate. That pressure makes you come too fast. Some techniques will allow you to get hard and go soft again. That is a learned skill. It comes with practice.
An important part of premature ejaculation is not thinking that once you’ve achieved an erection you need to immediately go for penetration. Another thing that you can do is nose breathing. You’ll notice as you start to get anxious is you start to breathe shallowly and you’re not feeling your body. What happens is if you breathe in through your nose all the way down, it has these little tubes in your nostrils that shoot the air into your lungs and your diaphragm so that you get a deep breath in much more than if you breathe with your mouth.
Try breathing with your nose and take very deep breath through your nose as you’re approaching lovemaking. This calms the nerves in your nervous system and lowers the stress levels.
Next up, we want to talk to you about managing your arousal levels so that you can take yourself up and bring your excitement down and feel in control of the dial of your arousal.
Before we get into that I want you to understand that your ejaculation system, your erectile system and your orgasm system are biological and physiological when you get an erection. You’re thinking that you’re turned on. Your brain sends signals to your body that releases nitric oxide which enhances blood flow and fills your penis with blood.
Blood carrying capacity is a very important part of erectile function. You get the blood in there. You’ve got a hard-on. You can actually go soft and get hard again. If you don’t have the ability, the first thing you should look at is your nitric oxide production. Not feeling the pressure to have penetration when you have the hard-on lowers your worry. So, look at your nitric oxide levels.
The second thing is that you can train yourself to have full body orgasms without ejaculation. You don’t need to ejaculate to have many orgasms. You can learn to connect your turn-on to your heart and head. You can move your arousal energy around your body and spread it from your penis around your body and have full-body orgasms. This is Tantric lovemaking.
Dr Reilly’s trained in this. I have a program called Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men that teaches you how to spread the energy in your body so you don’t come out of your penis right away. No matter what I think, I’m going to get turned on. These are skills you can learn and techniques you can do so you can stop worrying about premature ejaculation.
It doesn’t matter if someone is 20 or 80, guys will have premature ejaculation. For the guys who are 20 it’s a little bit easier to learn to stop that because they haven’t been masturbating the same way for long. But as sad as it is, they don’t talk about this stuff in health class. They don’t pull you aside in high school and say “Hey if you don’t focus on the ejaculation, in five years or ten years you’re going to be able to last longer.” Guys don’t know why they have premature ejaculation. I try to explain to them about the traumatic experience of premature ejaculation, it will be in his mind forever, whether it happened last night or 10 years ago.
Guys will constantly think about that and hence the anxiety. I 100% agree on lowering their anxiety. Most people when they’re getting ready to be sexual, unless they’ve learned Tantra or basic lovemaking, everyone’s in a hurry. That always puts the guy into the okay we’re going to do this quickie.
I try to pull guys back and say “Listen, instead of focusing on the ejaculation that is a bodily function, you can ejaculate in your sleep. Instead of being focused on the ejaculation, focus on the orgasms. Focus on how your body is feeling. Their fingertips will tingle, their mouth will tingle, their toes will start tingling and they’re bouncing all over and they don’t know what’s come over their body when they’re having full-body orgasms.
When you take a guy’s mindset and say instead of focusing on the ejaculation, focus on the orgasms, that usually helps a lot because they don’t feel anxiety. They don’t feel that stress to have to ejaculate. The word that I use when I’m teaching people is ‘allow.’ ‘Allow’ is such an important word. ALLOW your body to actually experience instead of getting the erection and ejaculating. There’s a whole centre in-between that they missed completely.
I always say enjoy your journey and let your body go. People say “Oh my gosh, I didn’t know this was even possible. I’ve had this thing my whole life. I didn’t even know it could do these things.” It’s because everyone is so go-go-go.
People think of sex as put it in, be done and that feels good but premature ejaculation is horrible because I feel bad that guys are teaching themselves. Many times, I hear “I’m in a hurry. I was going to go to work so I just masturbated in the shower quick,” or “I was tired and I wanted to get it done.”
You don’t realize that every time you’re getting it done, you’re hurting yourself more. When I’m speaking with guys about premature ejaculation, I use the word control and I say “Listen. Get yourself close. Bring yourself to that eight or ninth level. Say in your mind the word CONTROL and drop down and bring yourself back to seven, eight or nine and say CONTROL.
Every time that you get to the point of ejaculation when you say CONTROL in your mind, it’s helpful because you’re telling your mind that CONTROL means nope. They know that it will drop down. When they’re having sex, being intimate or even during oral sex or foreplay, if they feel their body get that intense kind of “Oh no I’m going to ejaculate,” they can say CONTROL and that’s that trigger to let them know “Wait a second. This means I need to just back off for a second.”
You’re masturbating, getting yourself up to a five and taking yourself up to a seven, eight, or nine but not to the point of no return where you ejaculate. You’re backing off and learning arousal control. I call it ejaculatory choice.
Dr Reilly and I are very aligned in our practices and our teachings. I always learn a little from her. She’s got her methods and I’ve got mine. I call it ejaculatory choice which is you don’t have to come until you want to or she wants you to. Sometimes when you’re making love, you have the ability to have a massively mutual simultaneous ejaculation and orgasm at the end of lovemaking together. That’s always a beautiful moment if you can last as long as she needs you to get off.
Here’s another really important tip for premature ejaculation. You’ve heard it takes women 20 minutes to get aroused. That’s because women have as much erectile tissue inside their vulva. We don’t call it vagina anymore because vagina is just the sleeve for your shaft. All of the woman’s genitalia is called her vulva. The Tantric word for penis is Lingam and for vulva it’s Yoni. Yoni and is a woman’s genitals and your Lingam is your penis. The Lingam goes in the Yoni.
It’s interesting that you were born as a male-bodied person. You started out as a female. We all started out as female. At about 16 weeks in, your body was bathed in hormones that converted you into a man.
The vulva that you started with turned into a penis. You went from an innie to an outie. Your penis and our vulva, your Lingam and our Yoni are all the same parts arranged in different ways. The fact that a woman takes 20 minutes to get fully engorged that you have to rub, massage, go down on her, get all that blood flow because orgasm and pleasure is all about blood carrying capacity.
If it takes her 20 minutes to get her tissue fully erect like a clitoral hard-on. Her labia is full of blood. It’s called engorged or tumescent. It takes you 20 minutes too. Just because you got an erection doesn’t mean you’re fully engorged or aroused. 50% of your penis is the buried shaft inside your body. You have a lot of erectile tissue that might not be getting fully engorged. You need time to get fully engorged just like us women do and you do that through masturbation, through massage, through oral pleasuring, not just what’s sticking out but what’s underneath your perineum underneath your balls.
The root of your penis goes inside. You can touch your stomach around your penis and feel the inside of your penis there. I guarantee you it’s a lot weaker than what’s sticking out because that’s the part you’ve been playing with your whole life and this is the part you haven’t ever touched.
The more you can play with and touch that area of your body and give yourself the time to get fully engorged, I call it laying the base. There’s something about being able to be slowly aroused and take your time and get your whole penis engorged. If your penis is very engorged, it’ll curve and get harder, more veiny, bigger and more erect than normal. That’s when you’re really seeing a deep engorgement and that is also going to help with premature ejaculation.
The more you slow down and get all that tissue fully erect, just like your woman needs help having hers get fully erect, the less you’re going to feel that instant urge to ejaculate. You’re bringing yourself up and turning yourself on slower which slows down those systems in your body that are feeling anxious.
Like with premature ejaculation, the anxiety of it can follow you forever and you can constantly think, worry and stress about it. For a guy it’s an embarrassing, stressful thing. I have men who will not get into relationships because they know that they have premature ejaculation.
I also hear, “I met someone and we were intimate and I didn’t last long enough. She didn’t want to be with me anymore.” I feel like when we talk about premature ejaculation and try to explain to guys how to overcome that, we also need to mention how women should deal with premature ejaculation. Whether it’s a new partner that they’re finding and getting in with or whether it’s something that they’ve been dealing with their entire relationship, everyone thinks that premature ejaculation is the guys fault. The guys doing something wrong. Women, ladies, you need to be understanding. Most men can’t control this. If they could control it, they clearly wouldn’t be having premature ejaculation.
I try to explain to couples to work with their partner. If you’re with someone and they ejaculate in two minutes instead of ten minutes and you make them feel like they’ve done something wrong, your sex life from there on out is not going to be really that good because they’re always going to have it in the back of their mind they’re not good enough for you or they don’t stick.
It’s important for premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, when you’re a partner and in a relationship together or whoever you’re choosing to have sex with. Ask your partner what can you do. Research premature ejaculation.
We can learn some Tantra and we could massage each other and we could teach you to last longer. Google what you need to know. Ladies, be patient, be understanding. It’s important because believe me guys, they don’t want to have premature ejaculation. It’s not on the top of their list of things that they want to have in their life. That is a very stressful situation for all men.
There’s no need for shame when you have so many solutions. You can become a multi orgasmic man. It’s the path to becoming a multi-orgasmic lover which means you can last as long as your woman wants you to and you can focus on her without worrying that you’re going to come too fast. Your full-body orgasms start to trigger her orgasms and she becomes multi-orgasmic during penetration. It’s an absolutely incredible program.
I’ve taught thousands of men with my partner Jim Benson how to do this. It helps you learn your ejaculatory choice, a little of that control that Dr Reilly was talking about.
I want you to know about penis pumps. Reverse the premature ejaculation in ways we’ve taught you with all of these assets available for you. I’m Susan Bratton with Dr Reilly from Real Sex Talk and we’ll see you on the other side.
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