In this video, Susan Bratton, a leading expert in sexual health and wellness, shares valuable tips and techniques for increasing female sexual energy. From understanding the hormonal and physiological changes during the menstrual cycle to exploring different ways to increase libido and improve overall sexual wellness, this video is a must-watch for any woman looking to enhance her sexual experience. Learn about the importance of self-care, communication with your partner, and practical techniques for achieving greater sexual satisfaction. With Susan’s guidance, you’ll gain the tools and knowledge you need to boost your sexual energy and improve your overall sexual health and well-being.
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Hi, I’m Susan Bratton, and I’m happy to talk about sexual energy. I’m an intimacy expert to Millions. I’ve been a sexpert for 20 years. I run two publishing companies. The first is where I publish passionate love-making techniques, both the work of others and my own. I’ve written 44 books and programs over the last two decades. It’s my second career. I got into sexuality because I stopped wanting love-making with my husband. I’d been with him for 11 years of marriage. Our intimacy had waned not because of him but because of me.
I want to talk to you about what I’ve learned over the last two decades about women’s arousal, libido, and desire so that you don’t think you’re broken like I thought I was broken and that your sex life begins to fuel you as mine fuels me. Often we’ve been under the spell of patriarchal sex, having sex as men want on men’s timelines. If everyone would flip to having sex on our body’s timeline, we would all have better sex. I also run a supplement company and publish passionate love-making techniques at Personal Life Media. I have a company called The20 which has two supplements. I have them right here. I always think seeing stuff is better than hearing about it.
FLOW is a blood flow supplement. It brings blood flow into your genital system so that you have more arousal and pleasure during sex and more lubrication, and more orgasmic intensity and desire. It comes in three formulas, a daily multivitamin multi-mineral complex with methylated B vitamins for people with the MTHFR genetic snip that gives you more energy you may not be getting and includes a libido Botanical and the minerals needed to access your hormones.
That’s my second company. I’ve written a lot of techniques because I like to help people transform having sex into making love. Often people confuse friction for connection. Friction for a woman is not always our friend. I want to tell you why I want you to have a great sex life.
Your sex life is the other side of the same coin as your personal growth, maturation, and sexuality. It can fuel you. It can give you creativity, vitality and purpose, and joy. Good satisfying sex can reboot your nervous system, calm you down, ground you, and connect you to yourself and your lover. It’s a hormonal release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin which not only bonds you to your partner but also makes you less annoyed with other people. The less you’re irritated with other people, the more energy you have for the joy in your life.
It also gives you a lot of release of neurotransmitters. It’s a vascular experience, which means when you have incredible orgasms, you’re pumping the blood to the edges of your fingers, toes, and the top of your head. It’s great for your skin, and my favorite part of great sex is that there was a study done with 3500 people. They looked at pictures of people from 18 to 80 and guessed their ages. People with intimate relations three times a week or more looked ten years younger.
I’ll take that. I would have sex for that alone. I want you to have orgasmic satisfying sex that you think somebody might be having but you’re not having, and you want it. It is possible because I wondered if it was just folderol and sex wasn’t that good for anybody, and they were all lying until I started having good sex.
At 61 years old, I have the best sex of my life. My genitals are in better condition than they were when I was 30. I’m having more incredible orgasms. I’m more confident, and I understand how my body works. The most important thing is to understand how your genital system works and how your arousal is very different than if you have a male body partner.
When I talk about the difference between matriarchal and patriarchal sex, I want you to know if you can get your sex life to be more like what women need than having the kind of sex that men naturally default to because of the way their bodies work. You’ll both have a better sex life if you’re a woman who’s like I don’t have any libido or who says, I like to be close to my partner, so we make love, and we have intercourse, but it’s okay if I don’t orgasm because I still like being close to them. I call baloney on that. I want you to have the most incredible orgasms of your life because you are a woman who can do that. You are a woman who can have so many orgasms that you can’t even think for an hour afterward.
I want you to have incredible confidence in receiving and enjoying your pleasure. I want you to be horny. I want you to be making dates with your partner or going out and finding new lovers if you don’t have them because you love and honor and support your sexuality that it fuels you and gives you life energy. How do you understand how your body works?
Let’s compare the male and the female. A guy’s got a lot of testosterone. He wakes up with a morning erection if he’s healthy. He’s had a couple of nighttime erections. He masturbates every day because he’s biologically wired to keep his sperm topped off and has the benefit of fast-acting hemodynamics which means he gets blood flow to his penis very quickly and gets a fast-acting erection. After all, he’s built to be ready. Take your body. You’re estrogen-dominant rather than testosterone-dominant. It means you’ve got a lot of things on your mind. You’re a multitasker. You’re not single-focused like our testosterone partners. You are on a 28-day cycle. You have five days of a horny window during estrus, even after menopause, but you could have sex anytime.
You’re not waking up horny. Most women are happy they had sex once they have it but are not ready for sex when offered. When their male-body partner who’s already horny is like hey babe, want to have some sex? You’re like, “I don’t know.” Do it if you want to, but not if I’d rather watch my show and have a glass of wine. That’s because he’s ready to go, and you’re not.
The number one piece of sex advice I give men is to slow down and then some more and go half that fast and slow down even more because they’re so ready to go. They’re way ahead of us. If you don’t demand those things, go on your timetable because he doesn’t know your schedule. It’s different every day. You’re never going to achieve your sexual potential. I don’t feel I’ve reached mine yet, and I can have 20 orgasms. I’m comfortable in bed. I love my body and don’t have any body image issues, even though I’ve got crepey skin and saggy boobs.
I’m having the best sex of my life at 61. I want this for you. Understand that sex is a learned skill. You have many pathways to orgasm. You can continue to orgasm more intensely and in new ways. Your sex can feed you energetically, body, mind, and spirit.
Let’s talk about libido, desire, and arousal. It’s three interlocking circles, a Venn diagram if you will. Your libido is your body’s health. It is your lust, your horniness. If you’re not healthy, your health and libido are two sides of the same coin. You don’t have a lot of libidos. You don’t feel horny. You don’t want sex, so you have to go to the root cause that’s creating the issues for you and fix those, and your libido will return.
Your desire is how you feel about yourself. What’s your self-worth? Do you feel lovable? Do you feel worthy of love and intimacy? Do you like yourself? Do you want your partner? If there’s something wrong outside the bedroom, it’s hard to find a turn-on in the bedroom. The desired piece is another aspect of your sexuality. The third is your arousal system. This is where the slowing down comes in. Your body needs to be loved from the outside in. I call it my Bullseye touch technique. Imagine an eye with rings. Teach your partner what you want every moment by learning how to communicate with them.
Let’s talk about arousal. You need your hair stroked, and your cheeks kissed, your eyelids kissed, your neck kissed. You need your body massaged. You need your feet rubbed and your back scratched. You need to be held. It would help if you had a moment to let down and relax because arousal begins in relaxation. It doesn’t start by turning your knobs and pushing your buttons. It begins by holding and loving you.
Next, you move to the second circle of the bullseye, your breast tissue, your belly, your buns, your thighs, your inner thighs, your vulva, just the mons, and the outer labia. The center of the bullseye is your lips, nipples, vulva, inside vulva, clitoris, vestibule, and vagina. If you start with sex that grabs a boob and sticks it in, you are unaroused. You’ll never have good orgasms if you’re the kind of woman who’s never had an orgasm from intercourse. It’s because you’ve been in a situation where you didn’t feel safe, the environment wasn’t suitable for you, and you weren’t getting words of encouragement, love, and appreciation. You were rushed and not getting enough arousal and blood flow to your vulva. That’s why my number one product is FLOW. The link for that is b-u-y-f-l-o-w-n-o-w.
This works on the male and female bodies. It helps men become more erect. It allows women with lubrication, orgasmic intensity, and erection because women need an erection. Imagine this is a penis, and half of the penis sticks out of a man’s body, and half is in and down toward his testicles. If I peel the skin, the fruit of the penis is the erectile spongy tissue that gets filled with blood and gets an erection. Women have this same amount of erectile tissue in their vulva, but it’s circular. It’s wrapped around our vagina. I’ve got my pictures here.
I want to use a couple of words with you. The vagina is the inside canal of our vulva. The vulva is the outside of our genital system. One of the words I like to use is yoni. The yoni is a Tantric word for the entire female urogenital system. It gives you that reframe that our pleasure is all our parts, not just the tip of the clitoris, the little piece that sticks out of us.
Let’s first orient ourselves with the female genital external system of the vulva. This is the vulva. We’ve got the mons up here. We’ve got the outer labia on each side. We’ve got the inner labia at the top at the clitoral hood, and at the bottom, it’s the fourchette. We have the opening to the vaginal area, that’s called the vestibule.
When you open the inner labia inside the vestibule, you have where the urine comes out. That’s called the urethral exit. I also call that G-spot number two. We have your vaginal opening called your internal sphincter. It’s a round muscle like your iris. It’s also very delicate and doesn’t like to be forced open. It is like a prolonged approach. We get a chip on our shoulders when we’re penetrated too quickly. We get our yoni’s jaws at a joint we don’t like.
We must slow our partners down because they don’t understand our bodies. We have to explain our bodies to them. Here are the perineal area and the anus. What’s nice is that all the tissue can be activated and become orgasmic. The more you play with it, the more orgasmic it becomes. What’s nice is that as you age, you become more orgasmic because you’ve had time to create the pleasure pathways to your brain, your biggest sex organ, by stimulating all that tissue.
I recommend that women use different tools and sex toys in their solo pleasuring practice to activate all that tissue and increase their orgasmic response. Let me peel the skin off your vulva and show you those bananas worth erectile tissue. This is your clitoral, urethral, and perineal structures, all three erectile tissues. You’ve got your clitoral tip or glass and the shaft, which is your little penis.
You have the arms of the clitoris called the crura and the legs of your clitoris called vestibular bulbs. If I took your clitoris out of your body and laid it in your hand, it would fill the palm of your hand. It’s not just that little tip with ten thousand nerve endings. It’s a whole meaty organ. It looks like a little organ inside underneath this skin. These little arms go back between the inner and outer labia and inside your vagina. This tip shows, but the shaft goes under the hood. Stroking the hood and shaft is wonderfully activating. The legs are under the pubic hair.
The legs of your clitoris are under the outer labia, under the fur. That needs to be massaged and plumped up so that it feels very orgasmic. They can also be squeezed together and held lightly and energetically loved by your partner or yourself. They feel lovely, and you could have orgasms from stroking the little labia lightly with a bit of oil. You can have orgasms from touching this little rosebud on the outside. That’s G-spot number two.
You can have orgasms from feeling this internal sphincter. All this tissue, including the mons, groin, and inner thighs, are all orgasmic tissue. It will send pleasure signals to your brain that give you orgasmic pleasure. You have to create neural pathways. It’s important to understand that when you have all that tissue, it is essential to stimulate it and get it fluffed up and plump with engorgement or tumescence, which is blood flow.
Stimulating and playing with everything, recruiting that tissue to get your clitoral erection, you get all this tissue filled with blood because you can’t cross the gasm chasm and close the orgasm gap between how easy it is for your male body partner to orgasm from intercourse and how difficult it is for you.
It’s not complicated. Every woman can orgasm from intercourse. Every woman can orgasm in 20 different ways. It would help if you had the time to get the blood flow. In addition, the blood flow increases your lubrication as the blood enters your vulva. It fills up that tissue. It also recruits the plasma, the fluid down through the vaginal mucosal lining inside your vagina. It seeps through the walls. That’s what lubricates you.
If you feel, “Oh gosh, my hormones are bad, and I can’t get lubricated enough.” It’s so dry because you’re not getting enough blood flow to your pelvic bowl. Your hormones don’t run your lubrication. The thinning of your vaginal tissue makes it more painful to have sex. You can replace it with an estrogen cream and get it thick again. You can use organic oils like sweet almonds, avocados, jojoba, and aloe vera. Those can help keep that tissue nice with blood flow and engorged, enervated, and full of rich tissue. That will help you with your orgasmic response. You can have orgasms in 20 ways when you get your blood flowing.
Take a nitric oxide supplement like FLOW or another one, minus citrulline based. I make it out of natural fruit and vegetables. It’s from citrulline from citrus vulgaris, the name of watermelon. It’s from powdered organic watermelon rind. Eating that with spinach, acerola cherries, and pine bark tannin helps get blood into your tissue.
It would help if you had the bullseye touch technique, working from the outside in 20 minutes of foreplay. It would help if you kissed, breast play, genital touch, and oral pleasuring to bring that blood flow so you get lubricated and engorged, your tissue plumps up, and the surface area is more significant. So, as it’s stimulated, it has more pleasure signals to your brain, which is your number one sex organ.
Everyone thinks it’s not possible. I can only do it with my vibrator, but that’s not true. It’s about your blood flow, feeling comfortable, and having enough time to get fully aroused and turned on. You do that a lot slower than a male body partner.
He needs to drop back to your timing. Then, you can feel turned on; you can get the blood flow, and sex starts to feel good. Then, you want more sex, and that gets better. You want more sex because it gets even better. You’re on an upward pleasure spiral where sex gets better your whole life instead of getting worse and swirling down the drain. The other thing I want to show you is a tool I use. This is an intravaginal vagina device. It’s sold in Europe, Canada, and the US. I’m not sure if it’s sold in Australia yet. It uses three modalities. It’s that vaginadevice.com.
It uses red light photobiomodulation. This is not a sex toy. This is an FDA Class 2 vaginal rejuvenation device. This red light stimulates the mitochondrial growth of the vaginal tissue to thicken it. It doesn’t get thinner as you age, so you don’t get painful sex. It has a warmth that collagenases the tissue, and the mucosal lining, making it thicker and more resilient for intercourse. It has a vibration that gives you kegel toning to reverse your incontinence. If you have an urge or stress incontinence, it’ll help shore up the pelvic bowl so that you don’t pee your pants or leak when you sneeze or cough or must get to the bathroom immediately.
The vagina devices are excellent. If you’re in the US, there’s a new technology I love called Femiwave. It sends acoustic waves. It’s outside the body around the vulva and stimulates new tissue growth. It’s regenerative medicine therapy. You have six treatments. If you use the promo code BETTER, you get a seventh one for free that will stimulate new tissue growth. It’ll improve your orgasmic response, plump up your labia, and make your vulva look more youthful. It’ll reverse your incontinence and improve your lubrication.
As we age, our skin gets wrinkled, and our vulva tissue also atrophies and thins. Combining the vagina device with the Femiwave and taking FLOW can reverse the aging of our vulva so that we can have ageless sexuality. That’s an essential part of keeping yourself going over time.
With the last few minutes of this information that I want to give you, I can tell you that with sex, there’s always something more. That’s why I joke that if sex were a brand, its tagline would be sex. There’s always something more. It’s great because you can have a lifetime of good learning. I’ve recently created something new for you called the Sex Life Bucket List. It’s a personalized sex life plan for you.
Sex is a vast landscape, and I can take you from wherever you are to wherever you want to go, not individually. I don’t do one-on-one. I publish passionate love-making techniques and bedroom communication skills, which I will also leave with Sexual Health and Wellness content.
If you don’t have a goal, you will never get anywhere. You don’t get anywhere if you don’t know what you could be working on. Since sex is so good and makes you younger, healthier, calmer, and happy, you must nurture your sex life. Using this sex life bucket list lets you find out what you want to do next in your sex life.
It’s at sexlifebucketlist.com. You enter your name and email address. You’ll get on my email newsletter. I’ll send you sex tips, or you can unsubscribe. You download this PDF. It’s an eight-page PDF, and I’ve made you a video. If you are solo, you can watch this and do this yourself. If you have a partner, set up an erotic play date.
This is 48 erotic play dates, most of which you can do solo and with a partner. I will walk you through this 40-minute video. This is all free. You can access this anytime. I walk you through this video in a sexy, fun way where I describe each of these 48 play dates, and you mark them with an a, b, or c.
A is that’s going on my sex life bucket list. I’ve got the intention to experience that, and I want to do it. B is it wouldn’t be on my sex life bucket list, but if it were on my partner’s sex life bucket list, I would do it.
C is not for me now because as you age, you might look at something in your 20s or 30s and say, “I would never do that.” By the time you’re in your 40s or 50s or 60s, you’re like, that’s what I want to do now.
As I said, I meet you where you are and move you toward where you want to go. In this sex life bucket list, I give you 48 things you could be learning, doing, and experiencing yourself or with a partner that will take your sexual pleasure and satisfaction to a new level. Anything in here that you need to link to, tons of my gifts are linkable. There are new orgasms and toy skills. There are fun games and ideas to do.
If you don’t do new things together, if you’re in a relationship, if you follow the same old path, it creates the monotony of monogamy. Couples who play together stay together, especially those who play in the bedroom. That is what breaks teams up, sex and money. If you have a good job, likely, sex is not working for you. The sex life bucket list will reinvigorate your sex life and give you new fun things to try.
When you begin as beginners together, it generates new sexual relationship energy even if you’ve been together for a hundred or thousand nights. It gives you a new way to experience each other and increments your skills so that you grow sexually.
Sexlifebucketlist.com is super fun. I will leave you with one last technique. It’s essential to have good communication in the bedroom. I have a method called the sexual soulmate pact. It’s from one of my top-selling books.
It is sexual, so it matches my outfit today: sexual soul mates, the six essentials for connected sex. After working with millions over two decades, answering questions, and helping people out, I realize six things make sex great that transform having sex into making love and our heart-connected passionate love-making.
One of them is called the sexual soulmate pact. You can get it at sexualsoulmatepact.com. It gets over a couple of issues. The first thing is it helps you. If your frame is “I don’t know what I want. I know what I’m getting, don’t you?” That is probably the number one thing women tell me. I want to tell you that you know what you want. You’re not tuned in, so I teach you how to tune into your body. It’s not intuition; it’s listening to your body. It makes sense what you’re tuning into.
Once you tune into it, you know what you want and can course-correct your partner. The more skills you have, the more you’ll know what you like and the more you listen to yourself. You’ll know what you want now and want something different because you’re on that 28-day cycle.
Your partner’s more steady state than you are, so they do not need to change like you. Once you embrace that you’re different every day and comfortable and know what will feel good at the moment and what isn’t feeling good at the moment that you need to say something about, the sexual soulmate pact creates this relationship with your partner where they don’t fall apart when you tell them something.
If you give them feedback, they don’t think they did something wrong. They don’t take it as a failure. They take it as feedback. That makes them better. It’s a great ninja trick that gets guys to love your feedback in the bedroom. They feel like a winner. They’re doing a great job, and you respect them. That’s what they want most. They want to give you incredible pleasure and want you to respect them. That’s that sexualsoulmatepact.com.
I’ve given you several fundamental tools and ideas for incrementing your sex life. I’ve told you why it’s important and why you haven’t been doing it in the way that honors a female body and what a woman wants in the bedroom. Remember that everybody’s on a big bell curve. If things here weren’t right for you, that’s perfectly fine. Take what you enjoyed and email me if you have any questions. I answer all my emails. You’ll be on my email list if you get anything I’ve given you. I’m Susan Bratton. You can follow me on Instagram @susanbratton, and I’ll see you on the other side. Thank you so much.