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How would you rate your skills as a lover? One to five guys will rank themselves better because testosterone makes them think they’re better than they are. Guys, you’re not as good as you feel, but we still love you because you believe in yourselves.
Your sex life has been getting better or worse. We’re going to make it better next. Count up roughly off the top of your head. How many times a month you’ve made love, had sex, or generated orgasmic pleasure for yourself or with a partner? Just a rough estimate. Let’s talk about that mismatched libido.
Where would you rate your libido, and if you’re lucky enough to have a partner, where would you place theirs?
This first question is for women because men don’t struggle much with this. I can quickly achieve orgasm. Yes or no? It’s ABC. Yes, ‘A’ is that I can last as long as possible and have unlimited stamina. That’s for the guys because they struggle with staying as long as we need them to, and I feel confident. I can bring my partner to orgasm. Do you feel confident? Now we will go into the female genital system and the different orgasms you can have.
Here’s where the ladies go orgasm shopping. How does that sound? Dara says I have a female genital system, so you’ll answer these questions marked next to the orgasms you haven’t had that you’d like to have.
You’d like to have a clitoral orgasm, an orgasm from intercourse called a vaginal orgasm or a cervical orgasm, or a urethral orgasm called a G-spot orgasm. Your urethral sponge is the G-Spot female ejaculatory or squirting orgasm. I highly recommend it. An anal orgasm or orgasms from butt play, kissing, lips, mouth, and throat. This is a very underutilized area of orgasmic pleasure, especially when you go down on a male-bodied partner and give yourself orgasms.
It goes from being a blow job to a blow vacation. Use your breast to make yourself come from breathing. Breast and nipple again. You can create orgasmic pleasure from nipple and breast stimulation. You can orgasm by having your belly massaged, pleasured, and energetically loved.
We’re always holding in our stomachs and keeping it tight, but it’s lovely when we let it all out and get it squeezed up. Foot orgasms are one of my favorites because I never wear these kicks. They hurt. Full-body energy orgasm where you’re running energy through your whole body. I’d put ‘A’ there if I were you.
Expanded orgasms. Take that moment of climax and stretch it out like taffy so you can be the big-wave-riding orgasmic woman you deserve. Erotic Hypnosis. How would you like it if your lover told you to come and give you orgasms over the phone?
Orgasmic fantasy and role-play scenarios. Do you have a dirty little story that would give you orgasms just from doing it? Sensation play. It can be enjoyable if you like to be jiggled, tickled, spanked, flogged, and blindfolded.
Dominance and submission or rough sex. Being ravished, restrained, blindfolded, orgasm control. I’ll tell you when you can come. That’s sexy.
Do you want to play with new sex toys? If so, which ones sound good? Put a checkbox next to the ones you like. Let’s move to the men. We have a penis orgasm. You’ve probably got that one down. I have a feeling that’s your primary masturbatory device. I will play with my penis and have an orgasm. Then there’s the prostate which is the number one new orgasm guys are learning how to have.
Use prostate massagers that go up inside. They look like G-spot wands. The P Spot and the G-spot are often compared to each other. This is fun because it can go inside. Imagine if she was riding you and managed the pleasure and strokes.
The next is anal orgasms. And mouth and throat. You can come from oral pleasure. I bet there are men in this room who, when they go down on a woman, give themselves orgasms in their mouth. The neck, of course. Remember hickeys in high school? There’s erectile tissue there. Your breath works. You have nipples the same as we do. They work the same. The only reason you’re not having orgasms from them is that you have a limiting belief: Core-orgasms, foot orgasms, full-body energy orgasms. Non-ejaculatory male orgasms are fun and easy to learn.
You can learn to have an expanded orgasm. Guys often call that edging. Many men practice that, and it helps with stamina. We’ve got erotic hypnosis, fantasies, sensation play, dominance, and sex toys for men. I like this sex toy. It’s a sleeve, a Hot Octopus product. They make nice men’s toys. It has a little plate on it, and this is a masturbatory sleeve that vibrates. You can flip it around and put it on your penis, and she can ride on top because there’s a vibrator there for her so she can get on cowgirl style, woman on top and can get off while you get off.
This is a fun one, vibrating cock rings. This one is the Atom Plus. You put your penis in, giving him perineal stimulation and her clitoral and vulval stimulation. It has a remote control so you can fight over who’s driving.
Next, let’s power through these because I’ve got some fun experiences in the end. I want you to think about your sex life. Are you masturbating regularly? I have to remind myself, too, but the more you do it, the more you enjoy your sex life. If you want to be like me, I need to masturbate more; put an A on that.
Mutual masturbation. If you haven’t done that, it’s super fun and might be something you could do as an erotic playdate. I am incorporating sex toys, of course. Now that I’ve shown you all these cool things, I’m sure that’ll be an A on many people’s lists.
Give and receive frequent sensual and breast massages. I like to lean against Tim; he reaches around and plays with my breasts and nipples while I have a vibrator on my Yoni. I give myself a bunch of orgasms. It’s like foreplay for me. When you play with your breasts, it activates all the erectile tissue in your vulva. It brings the blood in and gets you going. When you get to intercourse, it feels way better. That’s one of my life hacks if you will.
Petting and stroking. Do you guys like to be petted? I love to be petted, and my partner does too. I pet him all the time. He’s like a little kitty cat. Erotic kissing. Do you love make-outs? I love crazy wet deep kissing. It’s so much fun.
Ear and neck. Have you ever had a lover who loves to blow in your ear? I love that. You forget these things. Why don’t I do that?
It is being held. We, women, need to be held. You’ll see things that are underlined at the end of these assessments. That’s a URL: soulmateembrace.com. You can download a technique that teaches you how to hold and be held in a way you’ve been dying to your whole life. It’s a beautiful experience.
Orgasmic manual genital massage. Yoni massage. Lingam massage. For the pure joy of the sensation and pleasure of being stimulated by hands. Hands can do things that tongues and penises cannot—learning orgasmic oral pleasuring techniques.
My most popular program is this Steamy Sex Ed Video Collection. It has 40 techniques for her and him just for oral pleasuring alone. I still watch it. I’m like, how come I didn’t see that one before? There are so many techniques you learn, and you get good. People who say I don’t like oral sex haven’t had good oral sex. It’s a learned skill.
Some people are naturals. Most people are not. You need to learn how to do it.
Sixty-nine, where you’re opposite, giving each other simultaneous oral pleasure. A lot of people are like; I can’t concentrate on it. Do it a few more times, you get good at it, and you can run the energy together where you’re both coming the whole time. One person can surrender and enjoy themselves, and the other can submit.
You can go back and forth, and it’s so much fun. That’s one of my favorites: learning sex positions. When couples tell me they are so bored, I always say, start with sex positions. Have sex in a new location and in a different way. Add a sex toy. Try something new. I have seven positions that stimulate multiple erogenous zones simultaneously. It’s an illustrated guide. You can see the pictures of how to do it. I recommend trying that out.
New locations. Some love to have sex and almost get caught. That’s exciting for some.
Sensual talk. Pillow talk and adoration. We crave and want to hear these. I have written an entire book on how to talk dirty without being weird. It’s free. You can have the PDF at DirtyTalkBook. This is one skill you could practice because you don’t want to do it differently.
You’re like, what if I’ve weirded them out. In a matter of moments, it’ll start working well.
Share fantasies. That can be super hot. Give someone a manual genital massage while telling them a dirty story. That’s a good night right there.
Moaning noises. Verbal feedback. Men love to hear us moan. They need to know they’re doing a good job. They will give up their pleasure for ours, and you get better at it the more you do.
One time I had a boyfriend who was hard of hearing, and he needed to be way louder than I ever was. I got so good at moaning loud. It’s a total party pleaser now.
Next is being comfortable and making requests. This is where women stumble because they’re afraid to hurt their guy’s egos. When they do that, he contracts and feels like he did a lousy job. He’s going down the pecking order. He is a failure. Everything’s over, so she keeps her mouth shut.
I have a technique called the Sexual Soulmate Pact that lets you scream whatever you need, and he’s like, tell me more, baby. I love it. Give me all the feedback you can. This is making me a winner. It’s a super-good ninja technique that bypasses his ego.
Share your favorite frames. Sometimes, it’s excellent after making love to say what your favorite moment was in the moment, and your partner’s like, that was the thing you liked the best? That’s so interesting. That’s an excellent skill to establish in your relationship.
Dress in sexy clothes. How many women in the audience would love to see their guy dressed in something sexy? We like it too. It’s not for the ladies; it can work wonders for your sex life when you have an unlimited shoe budget.
Shooting videos or photos of yourself can be entertaining. Some love to do that and watch it later and go; we’re so sexy having sex with other partners. Maybe you want threesomes, group sex orgies, nudist retreats, and sex parties. This is a whole area to explore, and you might be open to considering being polyamorous or opening your relationship.
You might instead have a don’t ask, don’t tell agreement, or casual sex. Decide what you want. You are allowed to change your mind. You can try things and see how it goes. Will it be messy? It will be confusing. Is that okay? Life is to learn and enjoy yourself—Carpe diem.
Floor shows. Pole dancing. They had it here. Lap and erotic dancing. You’d like to learn sexy stuff at home and practice. That can be fun, or go to a dance club and learn moves.
Water play. How about making love in a waterfall? I’d like to go to Costa Rica and make love in a waterfall. Doesn’t that sound fun?
Kinky sex. Rina’s here teaching Shibari, the Japanese art of rope bondage. It can be enjoyable, sensual, and a great thing to learn as a couple. Being restrained on sex.
Furniture like the Liberator wedge is amusing. Feeling dominated or dominating. Try a strap-on. I’ve got a good little one called the Joke, which works for men and women. It’s super stable and secure, and you can get different inserts. You can move them around, and they can be of different sizes. That’s very fun to do to another woman or a male-bodied partner.
Remote control sex toys. I showed you the prostate one. Some panties vibrate. You have remote controls and go out to dinner, giving her orgasm over dessert. If you can wait that long, explore your back door. Some women and men find anal sex incredibly pleasurable.
Use vacuum erection devices to Pump Up the Volume. Have penis enlargement techniques. Maybe you’re six inches and want to be seven. You can use a vacuum erection device to make yourself bigger. I wrote a book about it that has been downloaded nearly 50,000 times. This is my main thing, helping guys keep the size of their penis solid.
We talked about regenerative treatments. Maybe you’re like; I will get an O-shot. I’ve had six. They’re fantastic, supplemented with libido.
Botanical. Support your libido with traditional botanicals. It makes a difference in feeling pleasure and having more intensity of orgasm. Try sexual peptides such as PT141 called bremelanotide. It works on a different pathway than the nitric oxide pde5 pathway and helps many people achieve erectile function.
Nipple clamps and jewelry. Piercings. Some are into art tantric or spiritual sex. Connecting hearts with the source and each other is trendy, beautiful, and respectful.
Expanded orgasm practice, a clitoral stroking technique where you go into orgasm and stay in it for a long time. Female ejaculation and G-spot pleasuring. G-spot healing. This one should go on the top of the list.
It’s such an exquisite experience to achieve and receive our divine nectar. Every woman can do it. It’s such an approachable thing, becoming a multi-orgasmic man. Learn to have orgasms. You can run the orgasmic energy in your body without sending it out to your penis to have incredible stamina. When you have full-body energy orgasms, and she sees you orgasming, it makes her orgasm because we’re tuning forks.
We resonate our energies together. When you’re tight and withheld and trying to make her come, she’s feeling the performance anxiety. You’re in your head, not connecting with her. When you can have full-body energy orgasms of your own, you give your partner the most incredible orgasms because she’s mirroring you.
There are two more. We’re on the final page. These are good for this particular audience because athletes, yogis, and all the embodied folks love this 360-degree double helix intercourse sex position. It’s fun to do as an erotic play date because it’s a little guide.
You can go to Comfort Circle and download it. It’s got pictures. You’re inside the person, or they’re inside you, and you’re like, my leg goes here, and yours goes there. You swirl around each other. When you’re done, you’re like; we did it. Good for us. We may never do it again, but it was that fun!
These are adventures you’re going on together. I saved the best for last, which is the Taoist thrusting technique. This is an ancient Taoist intercourse practice for semen retention, essentially to help men last longer. I brought this into the 21st century so you can do it in a way that gives your woman an orgasm from intercourse. You’re fixing the two biggest problems. I come too fast or struggle to reach.
The Taoist thrusting intercourse sex technique helps you last so she can finally achieve orgasms. It’s not that it lasts so long; it’s a stroking technique of shallow and deep strokes alternated between toggling her nervous system in a way she can’t help but come.
We got through it with 45 seconds to spare. The last thing I want to say is how satisfied are you with your sex life? I bet you’re less confident because you’re like, I did not know there were so many incredible things to do. Thank you, Susan Bratton, for telling me about all this! I love it.