What Is Consent and How To Have Consensual Sex

Print this out and put a little slip of paper in your wallet: “I’m a believer in consensual sex.”

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You’ve probably heard about “consent.” It’s about asking other people how they want to be touched by you. And with your permission, I’d like to tell you how we can communicate during sex, so we are both safe and sexy. Are you open to hearing my needs, boundaries, and requests?

The Consent Guidebook: thedatingadvicegirl.com/the-consent-guidebook/

Sexually active? You MUST understand this.

These days, many guys are gripped with fear that they might do something wrong when making sexual advances. Even women now realize THEY need to ask permission first before pursuing a partner.

That’s because of the #metoo movement and how the seduction landscape is evolving.

I made a video to help reduce your confusion.

How are you supposed to make the first move?

What’s a guy to do? What’s a WOMAN to do?

Simple: initiate a conversation about CONSENT.

“But Susan, I’m not even clear what consent is!” You might say.

You’re not alone. That’s why I made this video.

Consent is a BIG DEAL these days as it should be. More than ever, this issue is out in the open. People are starting to understand just how important it is to ask before you touch.

What they don’t understand is how to open that conversation. That’s what I’m going to show you in this video. And if you’ll allow me, I’ll even put some words in your mouth!

Often, we need a conversation starter to break the ice.

To make it even easier to open the conversation, let me give you a reframe.

We tend to think of consent in the frame of “to touch or not to touch.” And while that is, of course, early in the situation, the conversation about consent is also a way to connect.

By initiating the conversation, you make a connection that fosters quality of comfort. It lets the person relax. Ultimately, most of us love to be touched… when our boundaries are respected. Asking, “Is it okay if I touch you?” demonstrates awareness and respect. But that is kind of weird to ask. So I came up with some verbiage you can customize that sounds less weird.

Think of the “ask” as a way to connect that can draw a person toward you rather than a barrier to connection.

Get 3 core sex skills that generate more pleasure. Click here.


What Is Consent and How To Have Consensual Sex

My goal for you: Respectful, enthusiastic, consensual sex. Here’s what to exactly say to have it: “I’m a believer in consensual sex.”

Consent is about asking other people how they want to be touched by you with your permission. I want to tell you how we can communicate during sex, so we’re both safe and sexy.

I am Susan Bratton, trusted hot sex advisor to millions, and you’ll hear more about consent over the next few years. I’ll explain it to have the necessary knowledge because everyone who is actively sexual should know this. Apart from people in dating relationships, I’m also talking about long-term relationships because consent is how you see the person you’re having sex with really wants it.

Consensual sex is sexier. Any time a partner doesn’t like something, they let you know. Each lover upholds each other’s requests, and you can play full-out with your agreements for the hottest sex possible. 

Requests include things you won’t do during sex and conditions that have to be met, such as protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. So, before you have sex with anyone or even touch them, ask for their approval. 

“Is it okay if I touch you?” 

Sex includes oral sex and fingering. It includes anything that involves your arousal, your penis, vulva, your morals, your values. When you decide to have sex, you can have the consent talk. 

“I’m a believer in consensual sex.” 

Consent is about asking other people how they want to be touched by you and with your permission. 

I want to tell you how we can communicate during sex, so we’re both safe and sexy. Are you open to hearing my needs, boundaries, and requests? 

When you get to the talk, you can say you saved this because you wanted to capture your integrity around your sex life and how you interact with others intimately. 

Now, the phrasing may not be the way you talk. Use it as your foundation. Make sure you have a consent discussion. When you have sex with someone, it’s good to discuss your sexual history, sexually transmitted infection protection agreements, and STI tests before having sex. 

Here’s a video I did called How To Have the Safe Sex Talk. Watch the safe sex talk series, so you can see how to talk to your partner about sex. Include this consent conversation with your STI discussion because knowing each other’s boundaries makes sex even more surrendered because you don’t have to wonder what’s okay and what’s not.

When you enjoy everything on the table, it’s a sensual buffet. Here’s a shout out to Erin Tillman, author of The Consent Guidebook, a practical approach to consensual, respectful, and enthusiastic interactions. That’s what makes consent so great.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, why not share your current boundaries and desires with your partner? Because, as we mature sexually, our desires evolve if we allow them. Revisiting agreements and passions is fascinating and fun with your partner. Model consent, and grab my gifts, and I’ll see you on the other side.

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Comment (2)

  1. I had a much younger female roommate and we became best friends and I the non
    biological father to her son. After a year we became intimate when we were drinking and having fun , Non Sexual, just fun!
    One night while talking she leaned into me and kissed me on the cheek, then the mouth and said she loved me and wouldn’t know what her life would have been with out me. I told her I loved her and her son with all of my heart. After a little time of passionately kissing and foreplay she asked me to fuck her, fuck her hard! It was a wonderful couple of hours for us both, or so I thought! The next day she said she didn’t remember! It was heart breaking and I didn’t admit to anything!
    The next time she started to get frisky with me I asked her if she loved me and she said “I love you!” So I said you love who? What’s my name? She looked at me and said “What’s wrong with you what are you doing?” I told her I just wanted her to say “I love you Ed!’ So she did! and told me several time how she loved me. The next day she knew something happened because we were not a 20min couple. She said she didn’t remember I told her we were frisky but I didn’t penetrate her. She said that she never meant for it to happen and asked for details.
    A month later we were having a wonderful family moment. We were playing with our son. I was on my back and he was sitting on my stomach while she was laying next to us. I said “I love this, I love our little family and could see us in a house with a back yard with a swing set a puppy!” She with a quiver said “really” I said “That is my dream for us!” She kissed me, put the baby to bed and said get naked! So I Did!
    It was the perfect night. We seamed happy and were loving to each other. Conversations, eating drinking and love making. At one time she went in to the bathroom and called me in to talk to her. We took turns and after I washed my hands there we were but naked looking at each other in the lit hall way and I told her she was beautiful so we hugged and I went to the kitchen. When I returned she scolded me! “What are you doing? Why are we naked?” Then she told me to get out! it was heart breaking and the next morning she excoriated me to the point I was in tears! We stayed together under the same roof for four months but the resentment was building till her behavior with me was hot and cold and I could not do it any more. We remained best friends for a while and a short while after her new boyfriend moved in and the truth about us came to light he made things miserable for us. He will not let her see or talk to me or have any contact with our son. He tells her and me I raped her and I should be in jail! I still love her and “our son but she said we have to have some distance and time until she can change things.
    In Your opinion were our encounters consensual? Considering she was always the aggressive one, she told me she loved me and it wasn’t a one time thing. I always thought that deep down she found love and felt security when we were together but couldn’t admit it. Telling me she didn’t know what she was doing was a defense mechanism she used because of the big age gap.
    I offered to get counseling with her but she said no!

    I need your opinion, Did I rape her? Was my love for her blind?
    I cry just thinking I could have done such a thing!


    1. Dearest EJ,
      I am so sorry about all of this. I recommend that you go to a therapist and talk this through. I cannot give you the kind of attention you need to move past this trauma. I suggest Chas August http://chasaugust.com He will help you for a reasonable rate over Skype or Zoom.

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