This is my story and how I became a Sexpert and an Intimacy Wellness Expert.
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My husband and I hit rocky spots in our marriage about a decade in, and we said, “The issue is intimacy. What can we do?”
We decided to attend sex workshops. We thought, “Holy cow, if people knew about this stuff, they’d stop getting divorced,” because so many of our friends were getting divorced, and we were also thinking about it. I believe that our sex life saved our marriage. We wanted to find a way to bring outstanding information to people worldwide who couldn’t get to a Northern California sex workshop or wouldn’t ever go to one.
Over the years, I learned more. I wanted to become a person who focused on passionate lovemaking techniques. I didn’t want to become a therapist, psychologist, or sexologist. Instead, I wanted to create, produce, and publish work that taught people how to have scorching, passionate, deeply connected sex.
It could be role-playing and dirty talk, or it could be soulmates and connecting spiritually. I wanted people to have a spectrum of experience and feel confident about what they wanted. I started with sex techniques like expanded orgasms, female ejaculation, multi-orgasmic men, and male and female orgasm techniques.
I realized, “Communication is holding people back from these techniques. I need to teach people how to talk to each other in the bedroom. How to ask for what they want, how to communicate their needs at the moment, and long-term.”
So I launched a bunch of bedroom communication skills. Then I realized, “Sometimes, people don’t have sex because they’re pissed about some aspect of their relationship. How can I bring people in a relationship on the same page so that they get what they need and are satisfied enough to have hot sex?”
So I did my Relationship Magic type of work and relationship values. Then, I realized, “There’s another thing holding people back from having hot sex!” Many people have sexual health issues, whether it’s painful sex, erectile dysfunction, Lichen’s Sclerosus, endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome, low libido, or cancer. They’re afraid to get STI’s or have herpes. They don’t want to have sex because they don’t want to give it to somebody.
I thought, “I need to fix that,” so I created an event called the Sexual Vitality Summit, which answers all the sexual health issues, whether emotional or physical. Many sexual health issues are trauma, judgment, or shame-based.
I’ve been working on that for the last few years, so it’s been a slow build over the previous 15 years of answering people’s questions because I’m like a Dear Abby of sex. People worldwide of every age, religious persuasion, and country email me their deepest, most personal private questions. I help them figure out what they can do. Advising over the years has given me a flavor for the private sexual part of people and what they desire, and how to take them from there to where they want to be even more than where they want to go, and showing them the map of what’s possible. “You thought it was a little sex land you lived in, but look, there’s a sex universe, and what do you want from that?” It’s been a journey of ever-expanding compassion, wisdom, and giving people useful, practical tips. That’s how I became a sexpert!