Vetting Online Dating Prospects

The next step is when it can get frustrating because you will get many people emailing you if you’re a woman, and hardly anybody emailing you if you’re a man. It’s the way things work. Testosterone pursues estrogen, so men seek women. Learn how to how to vet online dating prospects…

Here’s the link to our downloadable workbook called Relationship Magic that helps people understand their relationship values. Click here.


[Susan] If it were me, always reply to every man who contacts you and look at his profile and compliment him because it is very lonely for guys to be online dating because most women never reply. So you can bring your kind heart and encourage them to keep going even if it’s not a match for you. 

The second thing is, don’t make quick assumptions based on their picture and profile. Generally, men are not great at writing their profiles and taking pictures of themselves. So, as we women do, you have to look at that and go, “Could I clean that up? Is there a diamond in the rough?” Because guys are such lovely people. 


Some lovely men mean the best, but you have to be careful. You want to qualify. You don’t start saying, “Yes, I’ll go on a date,” because you’re going to start going on a lot of dates that aren’t right for you. Learn how to vet online dating prospects.

Once you know your relationship values, you want to start talking about them. You want to say, “Hey, one of the things that’s important to me is honesty. I need 100% of the truth, or I feel uncomfortable. I’m a person who can hear anything so you can say anything to me like your deepest concerns and fears, things you’ve been struggling with, the joys in your life,” and get a sense if the guy can step up and meet you where you need to be fulfilled.

You do this through the chatting application on your phone or from your computer. You can respond back and forth, and if the guy says, “Hey, why do we have to do this online talking? Why don’t we get together for coffee?”


You have to tell him, “It’s essential to make sure I have thoroughly vetted a guy I want to know. What do you do for a living? Why are you not in a relationship? What happened with your past relationships? Are you close to your family? If you have children, are you close to them? I want to make sure we’re an intellectual match. Are my IQ and yours right? I want to make sure that we have a value match around our faith if that’s important to you. I want to make sure you are in a good financial situation. You don’t have to be rich and take care of me, but I don’t want to date someone who has many financial problems. It’s not where I want to be now. So this is my way of getting to know you and seeing if we’re a match.” This is how to vet online dating prospects.


For a guy, it’s a bit different. He will want to understand many of those things about his prospective woman, but I think he will want to know most about her health. How is she getting out and around? Is she in good shape? Because women can get delicate, and it can be difficult for men if the woman is not in good health. These are things you want to check in both directions. You want to assess who this person is. How often do they drink? Do they smoke? Do they exercise? Are they reading good things for their mind? You’re appraising yourself by qualifying that person over the chat, and if they’re too impatient to answer the questions, there’s likely a skeleton in the closet, which means you say, 

“Hey, I’m not sure we’re a value match. Thank you for connecting with me. I do appreciate it. It means a lot that you liked my profile, and if I meet anybody I think might be good, I’ll circle back and say I met someone who I’d like to introduce you to. But for me right now, I don’t think we’re a match.”

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