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Ready to unlock the secret to a fulfilling, harmonious relationship?
We talk about the dynamics of a healthy partnership, offering strategies to help you build a stronger bond with your loved one.
In the video, we explore how you can completely understand your partner’s needs and values and give you practical advice on using them to create a more loving, intimately sensual relationship.
We also talk about open communication, the backbone of any relationship, and learn how it can help avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. Discover the importance of personal growth and self-work in maintaining a healthy relationship. Remember, as you evolve as an individual, so does your relationship.
But that’s not all! We also explore the crucial role of emotional security. Learn how feeling safe and secure with your partner can enhance intimacy and improve sexual health. Finally, we underline the power of empathy and kindness. You’d be amazed how these simple acts can foster better understanding and connection with your partner.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to gain invaluable insights that can transform your relationship and life.
Drew: What’s up everyone? Drew Manning here from Fit to Fat to fit my good friend Susan Bratton. How are you?
Susan: I am good
Drew: As always. Awesome.
Susan: You might not even ask me.
Drew: I know, I know.
Susan: I’m always good.
Drew: Yeah, that’s true. It should be a given. Right? You know, we’re talking about a lot of things. We’re talking about sexual health, we’re talking about intimacy, we’re talking about, you know, the physical side of.
Of, you know, like the regenerative techniques and therapies that are available. We’re talking about like penis pumps and o shots and P shots and all those things. And we’ve talked a little bit about, you know, the emotional component of, of developing a deep, intimate relationship. Cause I think that’s where it starts, right?
You can’t just, you know, jump into sex and expect it to be mind blowing without the, this aspect of it. So the relationship magic segment, this one that we’re gonna be doing is real, I think. At the core of developing a deep, meaningful relationship. Mm-hmm. Because you’re talking about our values, right?
Yes. So tell me why our, why knowing your values is so important, and what is relationship magic?
Susan: Okay. Yeah. So I always think about the idea of the golden rule versus the platinum rule. Mm. The golden rule is do unto others, is you’d have them do unto you.
Susan: But the problem is that if you treat your partner the way you wanna be treated, Then you’re not treating them the way they wanna be treated.
Susan: And if you think about it, I mean, what you want out of a relationship would be very different
Susan: Than what I would want out of a relationship.
Drew: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Susan: So I like to say that’s doing the platinum rule, which is treating your partner the way they wanna be treated. So how do they wanna be treated?
A lot of times you think that you understand your partner and then you learn what their relationship values are and you’re like, Oh, that’s why you do that. That way it, it really becomes clear to you.
Susan: So I’ll give you an example of what values are, and I always say that. And, and basically the Relationship Magic workbook, which we’ll have a link at MoreDrew.com for you.
It’s a PDF you can download or, I mean you can buy it on Amazon, but the link I’m gonna give you is you don’t have to spend the money.
Susan: What this is, is it’s actually a workbook that helps you understand what your top four relationship values are. Why four?
Drew: Ah, okay. Yeah,
Susan: Because nobody can remember more than that and it gets you like 80% of the way there.
Drew: Sure. Yeah.
Susan: So, you know, that’s a good darn start. Feel free to add a couple more when you’ve mastered the top four, right?
Susan: And the idea is that you wanna feel certain feelings in your relationship. I often say to men, when you know you’re a woman’s relationship values, It’s a cheat sheet to her happiness.
Susan: Because you’re basically, all you’re doing is you stop trying to guess what’s gonna make her happy.
Susan: Which is exhausting.
Susan: And demoralizing. And you get it wrong. Cuz you don’t know. You don’t live in her world, you don’t live in her body, you’re not a woman. And so once you start getting up every day and just focusing on the four things she wants from you, and all of a sudden she’s happy.
Susan: And then if she’s happy, you’re happy. Right.
Susan: I mean, that’s really how it goes. So I’m gonna give you an example.
Susan: So for me, my number one relationship value is security.
Susan: I, I think I told you in one of our segments that I didn’t grow up in a very safe environment as a child, and so I married a man who is like so solid, so calm.
So in control of everything, he really takes care of me. He’s the wind beneath my wings. He’s the solid foundation upon which I exist, and I really love being taken care of by my man. I need that because I, I just, I don’t wanna have to do it myself. It doesn’t feel right for me. I’m a, I’m a pair bonded gal.
30 years this year.
Susan: At the same time. I need my freedom.
Susan: So I want my husband to totally take care of me and let me go do anything I wanna do. Like fly to Kona and shoot videos with Drew, you know? And he’s like, sure babe. Yeah, go for it if it makes you happy. And so a lot of women, when they hear that, they hear me say that, they’re like, God, I think that’s what I want too.
Susan: Because yes, we women, we wanna live our own lives, but we wanna live them. In the security of our partner, making sure we stay safe.
Susan: My third one, no surprise here, is honesty.
Susan: I think one of the things you found out about me is what a straight shooter I am.
Susan: I can handle anything. My husband and I share that value.
Susan: I, I want you to always tell me the truth, whatever it is, because all I wanna do is know how to make you happy and what you need.
Susan: And so my friends. And I, my partner, we just say what we need to say. And usually with honesty it makes me look bad cuz I’m admitting like some, you know, in, you know, something that is like, oh, doesn’t make me look so good to say this, but I gotta tell you the truth kind of thing.
And then for me, passion, I love passion. Passionate connection. Pleasure. Because I’m of the business that I’m in, being an intimacy expert, my passionate love making is important to me. I study it.
Susan: You know, I, I wouldn’t be walking my talk if I didn’t have passion in the top of my
Susan: Experience. So those are my four, where my husbands are.
Passion’s number one for him. But what he really wants is like touchy stuff. He just physical touch. He just loves me to touch him all the time. It’s so important to him. You know? He just really liked that. And when we first got married he was always touching me and I was like, I was like, why are you always grabbing on me?
It was because that’s what he wanted me to do to him.
Susan: When I started. Doing that, it was like, ah, he finally was getting what he wanted. He loves my flirting and my sexy lingerie. And so I focus on doing that stuff for him.
Susan: Because it makes him happy.
Susan: He wants growth.
Susan: My husband is an amazing man, amazing genius.
And I can see his potential. And you know how it’s like behind every great man is a great woman. That’s definitely one of the things for my husband, is he wants me to show him what he’s capable of and call him to more.
Susan: And he loves that. So that’s another one. And then he likes honesty and he likes, fun and adventure. That’s my middle name, Drew. I don’t even have to play. I don’t even have to pay attention to that one. That one’s just gonna happen. So I only have to deal with the three that I have to pay attention to. And it’s easy for me now that I know what he wants. I just give it to him and I do feel like I’m in the perfect relationship.
Susan: So doesn’t that make sense how we have different ones and And they, and sometimes they’re, sometimes you naturally have a few that work perfectly together.
Susan: And then sometimes those are the ones where you’re like, why is he grabbing me? Oh.
Drew: Yeah. Yeah. I think ultimately it comes down to like being curious about your partner instead of judgmental.
Like, why are you that way? Like why do you do that? Why you need that? Versus like, yeah, tell me why that’s important to you. And understanding and getting curious I think can be a huge thing for me, similar to yours, but I think for me, one of the biggest things that my relationship is the ability to communicate.
Drew: Having, having clear communication, being able to communicate about hard, difficult, uncomfortable things.
Drew: Like things that maybe feel uncomfortable, but they need to be said
Drew: And, and being vulnerable. I think that’s part of that of clear communication is, is being vulnerable, but also both people feeling safe enough to be able to communicate their truth. Because if one person is not curious and they’re judgmental, The other person’s gonna shut down and be like, well, I don’t wanna share that with them because they are just gonna lash out at me.
Drew: They’re not gonna understand why I do that and mm-hmm. Those think I’m a horrible person. Right. So clear communication, I think someone that’s willing to do the work, like meaning work on themselves.
Drew: Right. Instead of expecting me to fix all their problems or their triggers. Them knowing what they need to do, whether it’s therapy, journaling, meditation going on, walks out in nature, having, you know, some alone time, whatever it is that they need to be able to do the work on themselves instead of, you know, Drew, I need you to, you know, not make me mad today.
It’s like, you know, I don’t know what’s gonna make you mad, so I don’t know. Right. So someone’s willing to do the work on themselves.
Drew: And then I think the other thing for me is empathy slash kindness.
Drew: Someone that has a, you know not judgmental, like I said, someone that’s willing to listen, to understand.
Drew: Not just listen to respond or judge or critique. And then I think the last thing I would say is someone that has a growth mindset. Kind like what your husband was saying.
Drew: Someone that’s willing to grow and have an adventures and, and not just, Stay stagnant, but like evolve. And I think that for me that’s really important because let’s face it, 10 years from now, we’re not gonna be the same version of ourselves.
We’re gonna keep growing
Susan: 10 minutes from now.
Drew: Yeah. Yeah. We’re gonna have different experiences. So someone that I can grow with instead of stay stuck with, and I think that’s really important for me.
Susan: Yeah. I love being, I love growing together as a couple.
Drew: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Susan: You really do have to both love that.
It is hard when someone is set, has settled into themselves.
Susan: I remember I heard, I read a line in a book in my twenties and it said I. Something like there is a, there is a moment in time when you realize that a person either continues to make new trists with life or they just get stuck where they are.
Susan: And I thought to myself, oh, I’m not gonna get stuck where I am. I’m gonna make new tris with my life constantly.
Susan: And that’s, that really affected me.
Susan: That I wanted to be one of those people that just keeps moving forward.
Susan: Yeah. I love that.
Drew: Yeah, I love that too. Yeah. So I think this is really important work that people, that relationship or couples can do in a relationship to help develop that so that you understand the other person.
Like, okay, what’s important to you? Here’s what’s important to me. Kinda like the love languages that we talked about. Like, what are your love languages? Here’s mine
Susan: all five for me.
Drew: Yeah, all of them. All the time. All the time. Yeah. Yeah. It’s not complicated at all, you know? But. Yeah, but you understand your partner so that you know how to give and you know how to like, how to receive as well.
And they know how to give and they, they know how to receive from you too. So this all gets up because all this ties into, you know you know, someone being able to feel safe when you do have sex and you are intimate. They need to feel safe emotionally exactly. Loved so that they, they can open up and it does affect a woman’s ability probably to have an orgasm if, if she doesn’t feel safe, if she feels like you’re lying or hiding something, then it’s not gonna feel safe in the bedroom. And then not all the toys that we talked about and stuff probably won’t do as what you’re wanting them to do if you can’t work on this stuff.
Susan: You know, one of the little tricks I also tell people is when there’s like, I’m not sure what my values are, and of course I give you,
Drew: Yes, this is what this is for. Right.
Susan: I’ll give you pages of, of ideas in here to get started. And then you create your own meaning. And the process is that you come up with like, 10 to 15.
Susan: That are kinda like, yeah, I think those are important to me. And then you have to rank order them.
Drew: Ooh, that’s tough.
And when you rank order them, Like security for me is number one. Yeah. Without, without security, I would not be in a relationship.
Susan: You, that’s how you do it. You say, would I be in a relationship if I couldn’t have this?
Susan: I wouldn’t be in a relationship if I couldn’t have security. I would be in a relationship if I couldn’t have passion.
Susan: If I had security and passion was not available to, to me,
Susan: I would be in that. I wouldn’t be happy.
Susan: My needs wouldn’t be completely fulfilled.
Susan: But, Security for me is a, is the deal and freedom is a deal breaker.
Susan: And honesty. I mean, I have to have them or I’d rather be alone.
Susan: And so the question is, would I be in a relationship if I couldn’t have this?
Susan: Is a really good way to see what your priorities are and what is really important to you.
Susan: The other thing is to look back at relationships that were really a problem for you and what it was that was missing.
Susan: Why did you leave that relationship? And that gives you a good indication that that was one of your deal breakers.
Drew: Yeah. And that’s why it’s so important to look at life happening for you instead of to you. So you can say, okay, this relationship that I had in the past, instead of like blaming the other person for all the things, it’s like, okay, what did I learn from that?
Relationship, how can I grow from this so that the next relationship, I don’t go back into the same patterns that I had in the previous one.
Drew: Right. So building on, you know, each relationship and realizing that each relationship is here to serve us and help us grow.
Drew: Well, I love this and this is really good stuff, Susan, so people can find out this and all the other links at MoreDrew.com.
Drew: So we’ll see you guys in the next segment.
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