Gabby and Raj Sundra welcome Tim and Susan on their show and learn how they met and their philosophy as a couple. Also, watch Tim and Susan demonstrate the Expanded Orgasm technique.
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[Raj] We are so honored to be with Susan and Tim. Welcome tonight, and thank you so much for being on our show. It’s always a blast to have you.
[Gabby] Just to plant the seed, we love hearing stories of how you met and your philosophy as a couple. I know you have been together for almost 25 years, so we’d love to listen to your secret, and I know you guys have an incredible story, so we’re looking forward to hearing that. I’ll give them a bit about your official bio.
I met Susan and Tim at a wedding a few years ago. I instantly hit it off because we both love “love,” and we want couples to enjoy the combination of having a playmate and have fun in their sanctuary, feel safe and explore and express themselves. Having a passionate lover keeps the relationship exciting. It’s been over a decade that you’ve been with Personal Life Media.
[Susan] We celebrated our 10th anniversary of starting our company together to teach people how to have more intimacy and passion.
[Gabby] The ripple effect you have created has been fantastic in reaching men, women, singles, and couples. Here’s a slice of their work’s depth and breadth, including their online sex-ed courses, the Steamy Sex Ed®, which we will give you as a gift, a little stepping stone.
Raj and I love that product, even the most basic video, the sensual massage. Forget all the sex tips. The sensual massage, which is the tip of the iceberg, led to pretty steamy evenings. There’s Expand Her Orgasm Tonight, Multi-Orgasmic Lover, and Female Liquid Orgasm. What I love is it’s not just her content, but she’s working with beautiful people like Jim Benson and Tallulah Sulis, the best of best. There is so much junk and misinformation in the sex advice realm. I’ve loved what you’ve done with the variety of the products that you’ve had.
[Susan] I’d like to start by saying that the reason Tim and I have now been in business for a decade helping people have more passion and intimacy is that when we were ten years into our marriage, we almost got divorced, and we didn’t want to lose each other.
We were best friends, but we stopped being lovers. It was not going well, and there are so many things that come into play in a long-term monogamous relationship that make it hard to keep getting excited about sex.
We kindled our passion by learning how to have good sex. Once we did that, our sex life kept getting better. We keep getting more deeply connected and orgasmic. We get more comfortable together. It goes through cycles, but it’s excellent and reliable.
Now we love to be together. We carve out the time. We’re going to talk about why people stink at scheduled sex. I’d like Tim to talk about what it was like before you learned how to get me turned on and want you, and what you think were the key things you didn’t know that you can tell someone else. If someone is in a relationship and feels the passion is going through the motions, what advice can you give them?
[Tim] When we first met, it was super hot and super-sexy. We were crazy about each other, and the sex was perfect. I was thrilled, and Susan was happy. Five to ten years in, it wasn’t quite so good.
[Susan] Ten years in, we were not having great sex. I was giving him disconnected mercy sex as little as I possibly could. How hot is that! I was miserable, and it made me feel terrible.
[Tim] I was living with this gorgeous girl who didn’t want to have sex with me. It was miserable. You’re in the candy store, but you can’t eat any of it. Rationalize, ultimatum, cajole, none of the deals worked.
[Gabby] We worked with a couple who had just birthday and Christmas sex. I heard of scheduling sex, but only twice a year as a deal? It’s not very inspiring.
[Tim] One of the critical things for us was me learning how to escalate. Give Susan small offers. It’s not like ‘Hey, baby, you want to have sex tonight?’ because guys always want to have sex, and I would always ask. I learned the key things to start with a foot massage, a back rub, a cup of tea, or a beer. Draw a bath and slowly escalate step by step another night.
[Gabby] Raj and I have one called show-not-tell. He walked into the house and took the extra-large step in his stride. The cadence was that you wanted to create this whole experience because that was dynamic with Raj. Let’s have sex. It’s a great idea, but I was looking for more seduction. I’m super excited to learn about your seduction tips later on in the show.
[Susan] That’s one of the big ones. We call it running a menu of small offers using erotica, which comes from our Seduction Trilogy program that Dr. Patti Taylor wrote. It considers the difference between a turned-on woman, neutral, or a turned-off woman. And how to turn her on by moving her toward pleasure in tiny increments.
You need to be able to read her so you can escalate her offers. The small requests that Tim was mentioning was a big break.
[Gabby] I know we’re getting into tips because it’s so good. Tim, I’m curious when your woman’s reading is so essential, what’s too much? You certainly know that we give confusing signals. Did you develop that skill? Has she received it? I know we can be confusing.
[Tim] I’m still learning every day. It’s never easy, although as you get to know your partner better, it does become more comfortable over time.
[Susan] Is your woman high-strung at the moment, and you need to calm her nervous system down, or does she need to be picked up and switched on? Knowing which direction to start helps you make the right offers. We want to talk about one of the things in this session with you, our Expanded Orgasm Practice. Tim has even worn batik Japanese fisherman pants. He gives me a due date or an expanded orgasm date, which stands for deliberate orgasm. When we schedule sex, we don’t schedule intercourse because that’s an offer. We plan the due date. Gabby, you talked about how much you love the sensual massage, which was the beginning of explosive dates for you. It’s an orgasmic gentle massage with a particular stroke, which we’re happy to explain.
I want to show you our process. Tim makes me an offer because we already have a good sex life. Now, he requests for a due date, or I ask him for one. We’ve been doing it for over a decade, three times a week, if we’re lucky. It takes time to settle down and have a lovemaking date.
[Gabby] When people talk about having sex three times a day, it sounds like quickies.
[Susan] People have very, very short sex. We also wanted to talk about engorgement and closing the orgasm gap. The fact that 90% of the time, a man can have an orgasm from intercourse and penetrative sex. Yet less than half, if we’re lucky, women can have an orgasm from penetrative sex. A man is always hungry for penetrative sex. It can be challenging for the woman because she is missing a significant ingredient called engorgement. We want to talk about clitoral erections and how you use the due date to get these erections that help her have a penetration orgasm. She wants to have more intercourse with you. This whole thing weaves together.
[Gabby] Even the word engorgement builds curiosity. Raj and I have one tip. I hear you talking about cultivating seduction. We did that a few weeks ago. We looked at this space in between when even doing the dishes lead to temptation.
Seduction leads to engorgement, but if you don’t put these puzzle pieces together as Raj found, things can end in a heartbeat, like when an elbow goes to the wrong place.
We’ve had to learn how to stay on the on-ramps when we get onto them.
[Susan] In this session, we will also talk about agreements and boundaries that create passion. If you’re going to share your fantasies, make it safe. We like it as a card game. Sometimes, we’ll just tell our lover one of our most dirty impossible fantasies while we’re driving. We agree that only because I share the fantasy doesn’t mean I want to do it. It’s a fantasy, and there are no expectations.
The women I talk to have fewer fantasies because they don’t masturbate as much as men. Men might need to cycle through new ones because women are getting plenty more experience.
Men generally masturbate more frequently. They watch pornography and get ideas which women aren’t doing, or they’re just thinking things they’ve seen when masturbating because a man’s job is to keep his tank topped off. He always needs to have fresh sperm because he’s primarily driven to replicate himself. Women just do the choosing. They don’t need to have anything ready and topped off. They go into their ovulation. Guys will generally kick your butt at fantasy. If it’s the girls against the guys, the guy’s team will be good at fantasy.
The guy can bring it out of her by making it safe and having a boundary or an agreement. It’s just dirty talk and fun things. There’s another fun thing we do while Tim is giving me a due date. During an orgasm expanded orgasm date, he’ll pick something he knows will turn me on. He’ll tell me a story about it.
[Tim] I remembered another thing I did before the pivot. I would shut Susan down when she would share something she was vulnerable about or a sexy thought she had.
If you wore something very sexy and then I might say that’s a little too sexy. It would shut you down, and over a couple of years, that was a horrible thing to do. I had no idea it was what culture programmed you to do.
Now I’ve learned to bring it out. When Susan wears something sexy, I’m like, “That’s a sexy outfit. I love that outfit.”
[Raj] I always try to get Gabby to wear sexier outfits. Is this too sexy? I say no.
[Susan] You can wear panties, but I’m just going to have to take them off you. That makes me feel so happy because one of my favorite things is to have little hinges that swing big doors. I’m all about how something simple can make a difference.
You can stretch out that moment of climax and come yourself in the sensation and teach Raj how to keep you in that whole stroke. Keep delivering this stroke you’re getting off on.
[Gabby] Where would you guys like to start?
[Susan] Because we talked a bit about agreements and scheduled sex, getting out of your heads, engorgement, I’d like to show you how we do a due date.
We’re going to show you how we set up for an Expanded Orgasm Date. We do this once a week without fail, but we could do it two or three times a week. We usually leave about half an hour for it. The agreements that we have for doing this are that I can ask for one whenever I want, and Tim never turns me down.
There’s no agreement for intercourse or even for anything beyond the expanded orgasm date. It’s a commitment, but when you can ask for it, and there’s no expectation, you can lie there and get your genitals engorged. It means “filled with blood.”
Just like a man’s penis gets erect from blood coming into the corpus cavernosal, a woman has a penis inside her. That’s her clitoral structure and some of the other sponges inside her.
You want to give your lady an erection, but you won’t see much of it. You can give her a complete clitoral erection and not just to the tip or the shaft. It’s a baby penis, and the legs and the bulbs go inside her. They all get puffed up and engorged, which will close that orgasm gap so she can have orgasms from penetration.
I’m going to show you how we set it up. We’re going to get into position and show you how we do it. Tim’s usually up on a pillow or two, and he has a good backrest. You want to make sure the doer is very comfortable.
We’re going to walk into a limbic connection, feel each other, and step into one conjoined state of feeling. We’re going to meld into one. I’ll have a pillow behind my head. I’ll put a pillow under his leg, so he’s locked up. I will pull down and slide down here. I’m open, and now you take over and explain what you do.
[Tim] I will start by massaging her thighs, tummy, and mons, and working my way. I’ll do this for five minutes and warm up the whole area around her vagina. I’ll work on her outer lips and massage the mons. I’m working my way in zones three, two, and one. However, I’ll spend five minutes in zone two.
The idea is to get blood into that area and get it nice, fluffy, and engorged, and I’ll move to zone one. I’ll switch lubes. I’m going to use coconut oil in the outer area. When I switch to the inner space, that zone one where I’m touching Susan’s labia minora, the inner lips, and her clit, I’ll switch to avocado oil. It’s a lovely smooth sweet oil. I’ll focus on the strokes. Another key thing we learned was the expanded orgasm practice.
[Susan] Talk about how you place your hands, the three opening strokes, the bread-and-butter serve. It’s a structured stroking technique.
[Tim] I put my hand under her butt and rest my thumb right on her introitus, the entrance to the vagina. That provides some grounding. In my three opening strokes, I’m applying lube on her labia minora and not only on her clit.
I’m building that anticipation. Because we’ve done this so often and Susan knows what’s happening, she may even have orgasms before I touch her clit.
It’s fun to build that up, but I need to make sure that I don’t bring her up too fast cause she’ll crash down. I need to step it up slowly. That’s part of reading and healing her, which is why I like to have my thumb on her. I can feel the contractions. If she has many contractions, I slow it down and put some pressure on the top to bring her back down into her body, so she doesn’t come up too fast.
[Gabby] How do you know it’s the correct pace? Is it different for different women or moments? That’s why I was asking earlier about reading because that’s important. You can’t learn how one likes it. There are some generalizations, but it changes every single day.
[Tim] It’s a new day. It’s fresh pussy. The three opening strokes are part of the structure. I haven’t touched her clit yet, but I’m building up to it, applying the lube. She knows that it’s coming, and she’s starting to anticipate it. On that third stroke, I’ll go right up the middle between the inner lips and slowly land on the head of her clip. I’ll start a very gentle, tiny little stroke and cover my hands with avocado oil.
[Gabby] Susan, you mentioned this is called a due date. What does that mean?
[Susan] There’s an organization that created this stroking technique that allows you to take a woman into an orgasm, hold her in it, and let her stretch that orgasm like taffy and have more orgasms. I’ve come for over an hour, and I get tired and need a drink of water. My legs go to sleep. We do half an hour, and Tim takes a break and stretches his legs.
This set of techniques is standardized because it works, and we call our version Expand Her Orgasm Tonight. We teach the strokes and have an entire due date in video close-up so you can see what you’re doing. We have audios that explain how it works, and we have 21 playdates. They’re called sandbox dates where you can prove different facets of learning how to be a good doer.
We broke it down into 21 games to play and learn how to do it, feel each other, and drop into that limbic connection together so he can take over my nervous system. I experience an orgasmic ride that gets me fully engorged and fills me up with orgasms.
[Gabby] I believe when you call it Expand Her Orgasm Tonight, it insinuates that you can learn these skills and apply them immediately, which I love. I’m going to get the coconut and avocado oil out.
[Susan] Watch the technique videos, and you’ll get the whole system. You’ll get the three opening strokes, how to sit, set yourself up, and find her spot. As a woman, you’ll learn how to let him know when he’s in the area. He’ll learn how to stay and deliver and peak, which takes you to the next level. He’ll learn intentional downstrokes.
There are many things you can learn in this practice as you get better. The strokes are the same. What’s different is that it is a gentle massage by people who aren’t lovers. Our version is the lover’s version with eye contact, and it’s much more of a tantric lovers technique than getting your pussy stroked by someone else and having an orgasm.
It’s the same techniques replicable by everyone. Women can come this way. Men and women can do a woman and have this version, the lover’s version.
It’s a game-changer for me. It helped me for the first time at 45 to have my first penetration orgasms. I could have a few small male-oriented climaxes. Now, I learned stretching that moment of orgasm out. You can have an incredible time, and it makes it much easier for us to want to have more sex together after 25 years of marriage because I know Tim can deliver incredible sensations to me. When he does that, I get turned-on for him and want to be even closer to him. It’s a great experience for couples.
[Raj] We can’t wait to check it out. Are there different things that you want to share?
[Sus] Why you stink at scheduled sex is because you expect it to be boring. It’s not going to be boring if you have an expanded orgasm practice together.
Let’s say you’re divorced, and you’re reentering the dating market. It’s a safe sex thing to do with a woman before getting involved in anything like intercourse where you need to get tested.
Scheduling your expanded orgasm date is the workaround to keeping your sex hot. If Tim gives me orgasms for 20 minutes, that’s all I want that day. He doesn’t get mad because he knows there’s always tomorrow.
Getting out of your head and into your body is about him taking control of my nervous system, calming me down, and taking me into that bliss of an expanded orgasm date that allows us to let go into pleasure together. The extended orgasm date gets you out of your head and into your body. You relax and surrender.
It engorges you because it’s a pussy massage that moves into a stroking technique that gives you orgasms to close that orgasm gap. The expanded orgasm experience for couples is the number one technique that we teach that significantly impacts any person’s sex life, both man or woman.
There are a lot of benefits for the man to become a do-er, a good stroker.
[Tim] The main benefit of learning the stroking technique is that it’s easy for Susan. Scheduling a massage instead of sex is more comfortable. She’s always going to say yes to a massage. There’s the container around it. I love to get my hands on her gorgeous yoni.
[Susan] Sometimes, I say, “No, I can’t settle my body,” in which case we set up a massage for the next day. It’s also useful for genital atrophy. For example, if you haven’t had much sex, it gets everything juicy and flowing again. If you are going through menopause and feeling like there’s ground glass in your vaginal canal, bringing blood and engorgement very slowly to your yoni eliminates that problem.
You can have a due date for your man too. Many women say that seems one-way, and I say no, it’s not because a man’s job and his primal desire are to give us incredible pleasure. So you are giving him the gift of your orgasmic pleasure. You’re surrendering your nervous system to you to him. You’re entrusting him with your satisfaction. That’s huge for guys, and women don’t understand that.
You can also take him with your hands and give him a due date, and you’ll have us back next year again, and we’ll do the man’s due date and tell you about that.
[Raj] Let’s show where people can get more information and your gift. We got up on the screen. Do you want to talk about this a little bit?
[Gabby] We’ve been talking about Expanded Orgasm, but I’ve also used a product of theirs. We have mentioned on many shows about Steamy Sex Ed®. Susan, do you want to let them know a bit about this gift because it is such a great one. No matter which video you’re watching, we were excited through the DVD series, from creating the vibe to excellent new techniques to even moving past embarrassment barriers. Which one do you want to watch first?
I suggest you watch them all and do all the things to each other that are in there. There are over 200 techniques, and we hold it out all the time.
[Susan] We’re going to have a sale on our Steamy Sex Ed® program. I need to write a few more emails, and every time I watch it, I say we used to do that, and we forgot. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I need that done to me immediately. I want to do it for you. Those techniques are created for couples to watch together. It’s the antidote to porn. It’s heart-connected lovemaking techniques for couples, and it’s safe for you to watch them together so that you can learn new things.
You cannot think up all this good stuff. The gift is about how to have a sexy fantasy life together as a couple. They have suggested agreements and boundaries that will make it easy for your partner to open up, share their fantasies, or even fuel their stories. That’s what you did for me when I just couldn’t even think about anything that would turn me on.
I’m like nothing going on in there from the fantasy perspective. So Tim slowly taught me how to have a fantasy life and share it with him. I put a lot of that into this free video. When you get the video, I also send you an ebook with all the information because I like you, Gabby. I like how you have the video of us and the slide presentation because it’s great to learn in multiple ways. You can type expanded orgasm in the search bar at the top of our website, and you’ll see 30 articles talking about it with links, or you can go to Expand Her Orgasm Tonight.
For your Christmas present, Gabby, I send you a bottle of organic avocado oil from Amazon.
We like HOBE, which is 100% pure, organic, and outstanding for stroking. We’ll send you that with a copy of Expand Her Orgasm Tonight. Thank you for having us.
[Gabby] You’re a delightful couple to be and engage with and so informative. You’re on the edgy side when you’re like Tim’s got his pants on, and we’re going to do the due date. I thought we’ll see where this is going.
I’ll give you those links and URLs again to find out more about Susan and Tim and Personal Life Media. I have to get a little screenshot of the two of you on the computer. You’re so darn cute. I took a picture of you guys. Again, Tim knows you’re the tech genius behind the curtain, and it’s a rarity for you to join these interviews. It’s always so much fun and makes such a difference to have you as the couple together. You reached over mid-interview to put your arm around her.
Thank you so much for joining and contributing to couples and single people.
[Raj] Thanks so much for being on the show tonight, and for the audience, we hope to see you next week the same Relationship Fun and Games Clean Sex Dirty Time.
[Gabby] Wednesdays 5:30 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. Thanks so much for joining us, and here’s to you having a playful, peaceful, passionate relationship because it’s worth it, and you deserve it—three cheers for that.