Sexual Biohacking: Unlocking the Secrets of Pleasure

Biohacking Conference 2023, Keynote with Susan Bratton and Dave Asprey

Join Susan as she breaks down the mysteries of female and male anatomy. From shared beginnings to unique features, she unravels the importance of erectile tissue and blood flow. Using Play-Doh, she skillfully crafts a visual representation, demystifying the clitoral structure, urethral sponge, and perineal sponge.

As Susan dives into the intricate details, she challenges misconceptions and encourages a deeper understanding of arousal. Join the audience and embark on a playful journey of discovery. The key takeaway? Female pleasure is a nuanced experience, requiring time and exploration.

In a world where sex education often falls short, Susan’s candid approach sparks a conversation on the importance of slowing down, embracing pleasure beyond penetration, and cultivating a connection that goes beyond the physical.

Full Transcript

Sexual Biohacking – Biohacking Conference 2023

Dave: Our, uh, speaker, uh, Susan Bratton, is a longtime friend and biohacker, and she’s an expert in two things your body is capable of. Uh, one of them is, um, pleasure. What’s actually possible, the different kinds of orgasms that lead to spiritual states that let you reset things in your nervous system. And there’s different numbers and types for men and women.

And even things you can do to upgrade or change the structure and shape and function and youthfulness of your reproductive system. Which it turns out is part of your meat operating system, because your body is like, well, if you can’t kill it, if it’s dangerous, and you can’t eat it, then maybe you could mate with it.

So, there’s that. On that note, Susan! Welcome! Woah!

Susan: I love you guys, thank you. You’re the best. Thank you. Hi Dave.

Dave: That is how to make an entrance.

Susan: Well, I wanted to wear these really sexy shoes, but they’re my bedroom shoes. I literally wear them only in bed, and I didn’t think I could make it from here to there, so the guys offered to carry me over, and I thought that was better than just leaving the shoes behind.

Dave: Do I need a pair of bedroom shoes?

Susan: You might. You’re welcome to.

Dave: What would they look like?

Susan: I think yours would have, like, vibrant toes and shit.

Dave: Nice. Bedroom toe shoes, I could get into that.

Susan: Bedroom toe shoes. His would be black lace, five toed, bedroom toe shoes. Don’t you think?

Dave: Now, I see you brought a show and tell.

Susan: Yes, I did.

Dave: This is a lot to show.

Susan: Well, we’re not going to talk about everything individually. I’m going to hand you things to see. Yeah.

Dave: It sounds like there will be lots of fun discussions, right guys?

Susan: Definitely.

Dave: Can you zoom in on some of these? Not that any of them are that small. But, like, if I hold up this, can you guys see it on the overhead screen?

Susan: Well, that’s actually technically called the big boss. So that’s a nice big one.

Dave: I was just comparing. To what I know.

Susan: To gag, no, I know. You put that thing to shame, I’m sure.

Dave: Can you guys see this when I hold it up? I can’t see the screen. Like, do you, are we zooming in? Can you see the details? Yeah? Okay, good.

Susan: He picks out the dirtiest thing right away. He tells me to behave myself, he makes a warning about me, and then he picks up the big boss. What can I say?

Dave: I am as virginal as the white snow.

Susan: Explain that to me in the altered reality of Dave Land.

Dave: Uh, I’m not saying what the snow’s made out of. All right, yeah.

Where do we get started here? Let’s talk about how, how, what is the orgasmic potential of people?

Susan: Well, I have four things to talk about in the 45 minutes that we have together. And the first one is that I really want to talk about erectile tissue. Because it turns out that blood flow is super important, but I think that people often don’t understand that the female body and the male body started out the same way, and we morphed a little bit, the guys morphed a little bit. We all started out as girls. And that we basically have the same parts in different order, but that this thing about erectile tissue is so important because it’s blood flow. And it’s actually, when you have, when you don’t have enough arousal and engorgement, and arousal and engorgement are the thing that women struggle with, and women are kind of the gating factor in the heterosexual pair bond, where he’s ready to go and she’s not.

And so, I want to explain how to get her more ready to go so she enjoys herself.

Dave: It seems like you were judging and characterizing women in a certain way.

Susan: Yeah.

Dave: I feel triggered.

Susan: You do?

Dave: Yeah.

Susan: What can I do to make you not feel triggered? If I gave you some Play Doh, could you work out your, work out your situation?

Dave: What would I do with this Play Doh?

Susan: Okay. So, there’s Play Doh on, I brought hundreds and hundreds of things of Play Doh. So if everyone would grab their Play Doh. Is my, um, is my banana on the screen yet?

Dave: There you go, now it is.

Susan: Okay, good. So that’s the one that’s on the screen and that’s the one that isn’t.

Dave: That’s coming up.

Susan: Okay, good.

Dave: That’s the one that’s there. And by the way, guys, I’m going to say all sorts of things that my seventh grade sense of humor, I’m going to try not to laugh, but I did say that was coming up.

Susan: Oh, he’s, you knew what I, you knew I knew what I was getting into, right? So, um, grab some Play Doh.

Because really what I want to show you is that if you imagine a banana, first thing we’re going to do is we’re going to make a penis out of Play Doh. It’s not going to take very long, it’s a simple thing. Essentially the notion that I want you to do, I don’t know how many of you saw Jim Quick this morning, but he talked about the visual auditory and kinesthetic experience of learning.

And I can show you this banana and tell you that this is like a penis. And I can tell you that half of a man’s penis sticks out of his body. And half is actually what is called the buried shaft that goes inside, and if you took his penis out it would be twice as big, which makes every man really happy to know that he’s actually twice as big as he thought he was.

Dave: I need a lot more Play Doh.

Susan: But if I could open that man’s banana and take all the tissue out that’s inside, it would be the female genital system.

Dave: That would hurt.

Susan: Well, we, this is pretend Dave, it’s Play Doh, we’re just in, we’re in pretend land right now. So, first thing I want you guys to do, do you have your Play Doh?

You found, oh, good job, you guys are the best, high achievers all the way. Some of you get some sparkle Play Doh, and So, if you’d make a penis, that’s what you have.

Dave: Does it need a suction cup base? I’m just wondering.

Susan: I’ve got those here. So the penis is all, pretty much all erectile tissue. There’s a little bit of skin on the outside and some veins and some arteries and some blood vessels and things like that.

And there’s a urethral canal that the urine comes out. But it’s entirely made of erectile tissue, 50 percent of it sticking out, 50 percent of it going into your body.

Well, we’re going to literally make the female clitoral erectile tissue system with the same amount of Play Doh. So here’s how you do it.

Take, take a little tiny bit off the top. First thing we’re going to do is we’re going to make the wings, the arms of the clitoris. So take maybe like, oh, I don’t know, less than a quarter.

Dave: Just the tip?

Susan: Just the tip. There you go, just the tip. Yeah, please shout out all the innuendos possible from the audience.

We love them all. So these are the arms of the clitoris called the crora, and they puff up when a woman gets excited. The next thing I want you to do is I want to take a little bit more tissue, and I want you to make two bigger legs that look like this. These are the vestibular bulbs that are essentially underneath the pubic hair on each side of the opening to the vagina.

That’s called the vestibule, that little area inside the inner labia. So on each side, underneath the pubic hair are these little legs called the vestibular bulbs. The arms go on top of the legs. Now we’re going to take the part you all remember, which is the tip of the clitoris or the glands, but it’s much larger than just that little tip of the iceberg.

So take another fair amount, another wad. I’ve got this much left. Take your third of what you have left. Make another little penis out of it. There’s your little penis. Stick it on top. So that just the tip shows out, and the rest goes in. So now you’ve got kind of what looks like a little man. Does yours look like a little man, or a little woman?

Dave: It looks like a bodybuilder.

Susan: Yes, exactly. Errrrrrr. Very full of erectile tissue.

Dave: Has more shoulder workouts.

Susan: So there’s the clitoral glands, the tip that has the 10, 000 nerve endings. News update, we used to say 8, now we say 10, because they actually did research on the nerves of female humans, instead of pigs.

Pigs have 8, 000 nerve endings, we ladies have 10, so we crushed it in nerve endings compared to the pigs. So there’s the tip, the shaft, the arms, and the legs. We’ve got two more pieces. Take half of what you have, left, and make another tube. Here’s another tube. Stick it between the big legs. Oh, there we go.

I don’t want to have my little clip fall apart. Here we go. Now it kind of looks like the lady has a boner. That’s what is called the urethral sponge. The urethral sponge is a spongy bit of tissue that a man has as well, that wraps around the urethra that goes from the bladder out the vestibule, and that’s where the peepee comes out, but it’s also surrounded by tissue and when they call it a G spot.

That’s the g spot, but it’s not a spot. It’s actually a long tube of tissue that runs along the length of the top of the vaginal pocket. Because the vagina is not really a canal. It is the birth canal where the baby comes out, but it doesn’t look like an inside out penis. It actually looks like a little balloon, just one of those little tiny balloons that you make water balloons out of, with a depression at the top where the cervix rests on it. So it’s like a little cave, it’s not a tube in there. So that’s the G spot, but now we know it’s actually called the urethral sponge. So we’ve got the clitoral structure, the urethral sponge, and you’ve got your last piece of Play Doh. Make just a ball, just make it a little circle.

Stick it under there, between the bottom of the legs, right at the bottom. See that? Good job, Dave. You’re doing very well. You’re getting an A plus in your Play Doh.

Dave: I’ve read about these in books.

Susan: Hee hee hee hee hee hee! Hardly. There aren’t any books with this in there. That’s the thing we need to change.

So there is, and the vagina goes between the G area. And this little ball at the bottom, which is called the perineal sponge. And the perineal sponge is between the vaginal area and the rectal area. There’s a little bit of tissue there. So now, if you can imagine, that’s the vaginal opening between those two things.

So our vaginas are completely wrapped in three different erectile tissue structures. And all of them love to be touched. To be stimulated. To be pleasured. To be played with, and when they are pleasured and played with, they expand like a penis. And when they do that, they go from small and flaccid to large and erect, just like a penis.

Dave: So it’s not just that one thing on the end?

Susan: It’s not that one thing on the end.

Dave: So are you guys feeling like 7th grade biology right now? You know, thinking of all the things like, why didn’t anyone ever tell me that? Or why do I not remember that? Like you said, they don’t teach this, right?

Susan: Nobody, nobody knows this.

So let me show you, where’s my chicker? Thank you. Thanks honey, you’re a very big help. Um, so that’s the erectile tissue in the penis, and that’s the erectile tissue of the vulva. And so all that stuff, with the exception of the little red thing that is the vaginal balloon, the perineal sponges on the bottom, those vestibular bulbs are the lighter blue, the arms, the crora, are the darker blue, there’s the shaft, and there’s the clitoral tip, the glands, essentially the head of our penis.

And so when women and their partners are think, female bodied people and their partners are thinking about getting turned on. The reason that men get turned on so much faster is number one, they wake up horny because they’ve got testosterone surging if they’re healthy. Number two, they’re biologically wired to masturbate on a daily basis or frequently to keep their sperm fresh so that if an opportunity to pass on the species comes along, they’ve got viable semen.

Then, they have these fast acting hemodynamics. Somebody was talking about hemodynamics. I forget who it was. One of the speaker was, speakers was talking about hemodynamics earlier about how fast acting it is in the male penis because it goes and they’re ready to go. For us women, we have all these nooks and crannies that take us 15 or 20 minutes to get engorged or erect. And so my number one piece of sex advice for women with male partners is to have them slow down. Because if you’re trying to have so many women have, they struggle with penetration. They struggle to have orgasms from intercourse. Thank you. Will you add mine to it? All right. Great. I was thinking he was gonna make them, you know, like Barbie and Ken.

Dave: We have two little wrestlers here about to go to town.

Susan: Perfect. On the penis pumps. I love it. So, um, I think the most important thing to remember is that it, with all the nooks and crannies, it takes us women a long time to get all that blood in. And when we get all that blood in, first we start out flaccid, so we have not very much surface area.

And when we get engorged and filled with blood, and we have a bigger surface area, all the touch that happens to that bigger surface area sends more signals to our brain. Our brain is our pleasure processing system. Our biggest sex organ. We’ve all heard that. And it means we can feel more pleasure because there’s literally more signals going to our brain, letting us know we feel that pleasure.

So the best sex advice I could possibly give you is to just, slow way down. The female body isn’t ready to go. The female body needs to be helped.

Dave: We’re like a scientific sort of thing. So when you say slow down, so can you give me like two hours, four hours, twelve hours?

Susan: Maybe twelve’s a little long. Do you have any food and pictures of water and things like that by the bed?

Dave: But in all seriousness, like in a normal scope, about twenty minutes.

Susan: About 20 minutes to catch up.

Dave: Got it. So, guy’s hard. He just needs to stay hard for 20 minutes.

Susan: Well, he doesn’t have to stay hard. He can get hard and go soft and get hard and go soft throughout a lovemaking experience. Because the other thing to do is to get away from this notion that penetration is the goal.

It is a meandering path of pleasure. It’s making out. It’s full body touch. It’s generating oxytocin.

Dave: You mean feeling good is, for both partners, is the goal, not penetration?

Susan: Yeah.

Dave: Oh my God, who would have thought?

Susan: I know.

Dave: Like, they don’t teach that in seventh grade biology.

Susan: They do not.

Dave: Why not?

Susan: I know. Yeah, so spending more time, you know, people like to think about sex as there’s foreplay, there’s sex, and then there’s aftercare, and most people are like, what’s aftercare?

The problem is that sex isn’t just for procreation. And that’s how it ended up being that sex meant intercourse. So if we think about everything being the pleasure and we give ourselves plenty of time to warm up, we can go back and forth. We can have a little intercourse, we can have a little oral pleasuring, et cetera, et cetera.

And that makes it nice and slow and languid and heart connected and sensual. And that’s, for us women, especially, but men love it too, really what makes us love to be in sensual pleasure with our partners. And so it’s just really about understanding that we’ve got to, we’ve got to give ourselves time to, to really allow ourselves to get turned on and to not rush it.

If you’re not turned on, just say to your partner, I’m not there yet. Let’s keep having fun.

Dave: Couldn’t you just use some technology to speed it up?

Susan: Yes, you can.

Isn’t that nice?

Dave: It feels good. What’s this one for?

Susan: Orgasms. It’s for orgasms. Yeah, so that was the other thing I wanted to say is that we can have 20 kinds of orgasms. And when we can have 20 kinds of orgasms, they’re all learned skills. So women often say, I, I am just not the kind of woman who can have an orgasm from intercourse.

And I’m like, you just haven’t learned how yet. All women can, all bodies.

Dave: 20 different kinds for women.

Susan: And for the male body.

Dave: Okay. So, but the total of 20 is what men can have.

Susan: Many men can have 20,

20 male orgasms.

Dave: Okay. So how exactly do you know which of the 20 you had and how do you know it wasn’t 18 and someone’s like, just, adding a label.

Susan: It’s not just that you’re having 20 orgasms, it’s you’re having 20 different kinds.

Ofs. Yeah. I mean different kinds. Right?

Dave: And you can have 20 of each times. 20 times. So that’s 400 total per session.

Susan: I guess if you’re an overachiever, that might be a little exhausting, but I’m willing to give it a try.

Dave: Good answer. .

So, so let’s talk about, ’cause the 20 kinds for women are different than the 20 kinds for men, obviously. Yeah. Let’s not much. Let’s start with an overview of at least some of the 20 kinds.

Susan: So, here’s my cheat sheet.

Dave: Do you have this taped up in your bedroom?

Susan: Um, in my dining room.

So, um, the table is very big in there. So,

Dave: She’s absolutely incorrigible. I cannot make her embarrassed by anything I’ve tried. So, but I’m going to keep trying.

Susan: I know he’s going to keep trying. He is. So, basically there’s three different kinds of orgasmic types. There’s locations you can touch, there’s techniques you can use, and there’s toys and tools of desire.

So locations you can touch are the, the usual. The clitoris, the vagina, the cervix, the penis, the prostate, the nipples, the lips, the tongue, the throat, coregasm.

Dave: Is there a tonguegasm versus a throatgasm?

Susan: I think they’re pretty interconnected. You could even say mouthgasm if you wanted to, but I make a distinction.

Dave: Did you guys know that that’s an actual kind of orgasm? It is.

Susan: Yeah. You can have orgasms from your mouth and throat and then there’s the, the foot gasm. I’m not getting any foot rubs up here. I know it. He’s making me work for my, for my fun. But, um, there are all those different areas, but there’s also things like,

um, energy orgasms, there’s expanded orgasms, there’s female ejaculatory, and I don’t necessarily call them orgasms because orgasm and ejaculation are separate systems in the body, as you know. Um, erotic hypnosis, touchless orgasms, orgasms on command. Those are very interesting. And then there’s,

Dave: can men and women do that or is that just a women thing?

Susan: I could hypnotize you and give you orgasms.

Dave: Just on demand. Just like snap your fingers and I would just have an orgasm.

Susan: Yeah. Are we doing that next year?

Dave: I’m down.

Susan: Kimmy, you’ll finally get to spank you. And I’ll finally Everybody really wanted her to do that, didn’t they? Is she in here?

Dave: There she is.

Susan: She’s still got it. She’s, I’m ready. I’m ready. So, um, now I want to talk about the objects of desire because you’ve got to activate all the tissue.

Dave: No, we’re talking about men or women or both?

Susan: Both. Okay. I mean, if you want to have a prostate orgasm, you’re not gonna have it. I mean, you might be able to think it.

Dave: That would be a male only one.

Susan: And have it. That’s the only one who has a prostate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but if you want to learn how to have an orgasm, part of it is just knowing the path to have it, what you, what you need to do to have it.

It could be a technique like learning erotic hypnosis, or it could be knowing how to access the G area and stimulate it in the way that gives you an ejaculatory orgasm or no, or touching the prostate and giving yourself a prostate orgasm or a blended orgasm or something like that. But the tools of desire that I like are when you want to really kind of explode your orgasmic potential by activating all that tissue and sending massive amounts of new signals of pleasure to the biggest organ, your brain. And so, I looked at all the toys that were available in the universe, and I realized that there were eight categories for women, and there were four categories for the male body.

Dave: So, eight types of toys for women, four types of toys for men.

Susan: Yes.

Dave: This is actually useful.

Susan: Oh, thank God. Finally.

Dave: Now, there, there, I mean, there’s some of this other stuff, I mean, mouth chasms, either you have them or you don’t, right?

Susan: No, that’s not it.

Dave: You can train mouth chasms.

Susan: I learned how to have them. My girlfriend was like, Hey, do you know you can have a mouth chasm? I’m like, seriously? Okay, how do I do it?

She told me and I did it. It’s one of my favorites.

Dave: Wow. So, and you obviously teach this.

Susan: This is what I do.

Dave: I know that you teach this. I had learned it. So. What I want to know, though, is let’s, let’s talk about toys, because the biggest concern I hear from people and guys, sometimes I have conversations like this, you know, not on the podcast, obviously, but they’re like, well, if I use a toy, I’ll get numb.

Susan: Yeah.

Dave: And then I won’t be able to have like normal sex.

Susan: Yeah.

Dave: True, false. What’s the deal?

Susan: Well, first of all, normal sex includes pleasure tools. So that was the last century. Now we’re in the new century. So you have access to all kinds of tools from hyperbaric oxygen to. New wands.

Dave: Can you have a hyperbaric orgasm?

Susan: I have not had one, but I’ve spent a lot of time in a tank.

Dave: I’m just gonna say I have a hard sided hyperbaric chamber at my house.

Susan: Ooh, hard sided.

Dave: It’s got plenty of room for two or three people.

Susan: Nice. So I think all that oxygenation would be excellent. Better than the cold plunge, which would shrivel the bits.

Dave: Yeah, cold plunge orgasm’s not, not a thing.

Susan: And definitely, I’ve definitely had sex in a sauna. For sure.

Dave: Isn’t that what they’re for?

Susan: I think so.

Dave: All right, so let’s get into eight types of toys for women.

Susan: Okay, so the first one is a licker. You can try and turn them on. Most of them will go on. Sometimes they run out of batteries as I haul them around, I brought you a hundred pounds of things this time.

Dave: The button says fun on this one.

Susan: It does say fun.

Dave: See if you guys can hear this.

Susan: Oh, yeah, you can hear it. That’s one of my girlfriend’s favorite toys. Different women have different initial wiring of their orgasms. So one thing is more fun than the other, but I think all women should have all eight categories of toys so she can orgasmically cross train and expand and activate all her tissue.

Dave: Do you have like a daily orgasm cross fit workout?

Susan: Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee

Dave: No, but you’re gonna invent one. Wait, you guys hear that laugh? That’s an evil laugh if I ever heard one. Today, you’re doing the, the, the clawed.

So, licker.

Susan: Next thing is G Spot Stimulator. And this one is neat. This is called the, this little Poco. And by the way, um, at, which I have a code for, or just go to, I listed everything for you so that you’re like, what was the licker? What was the thing? What was the thing? It’s all there so that you can get to it.

Dave: I put it up. Where did I go backwards?

Susan: Oh, great. Thank you. You, you drive that.

Dave: So you’re, you’re listing all of this. And by the way, she told me five minutes ago, it was I’m like, cause I have had HotDave.Com for 30 years. She just never


Susan: He could have saved me 10 bucks for a custom URL, this is what I told him.

It’s costing me money now, hello Dave. So I heard you were using this one earlier.

Dave: Yeah, so these are the G Spot simulators because they go in and curve up?

Susan: Yes.

Dave: Okay. We’ve got lickers and G Spots.

Susan: Lickers and G Spots. This one is a blended, this is the womanizer. It uses air, it’s an air stimulator, which is basically a clitoral sucker, which is also many women’s favorites.

And this is combined with a G Spot. Um, vibrator. So that’s a blended orgasm. This is the plain womanizer.

Dave: How do you keep all these charged? You must have,

Susan: Well, this is what I’m saying. I have a very lot of cords.

Dave: Okay.

Susan: This one is just the straight up air stimulator. So there’s licker.

Dave: Air stimulators is the type?

Susan: Yeah. Air stimulator, licker, G spot, air stimulator. This, these are just bullets. These are the one you put in your purse when you’re going out just in case you get lucky.

Dave: Is this why so many women are putting on lipstick?

Susan: Yeah, that’s why. This is my new favorite toy. This is a wand.

Dave: It’s kind of intimidating.

Susan: You know, you remember your mom’s massager? You remember that? Everybody’s mom had a massager. At least mine did. Which is why I turned out to be such a weirdo, I guess. But, um, I think I’m normal. I just think the world’s catching up, right? Yes! So, the wand is really good, and this particular one, the Vim, Amazing breakthrough technology because it penetrates deep into the tissue instead of like on the outside it’s super delicious feeling. And then you have the kinds of toys that are but these are called pulsators or thrusters.

The Germans call them, these are German designed. I like the German’s toys because if they can build Beamers and Porsches and Mercedes, they can build my sex toys. So they can’t, the Germans can’t, are there any Germans in here? You can’t say thruster very well. So they call them pulsators. But these are basically for the women who are like I didn’t have sex with my husband for the last eight years. We got divorced and now I’m back out dating and I’m afraid of penetration. So what do I do? And so these actually rock back and forth with magnets. And so they actually go back and forth and therefore inside you to activate the internal vaginal tissue.

Dave: Can you guys see that? It’s like a shake weight is what it feels like.

Susan: Yeah, that’s what it is.

Dave: Remember the ads from shake weights? It’s kind of interesting. Like, do you see all my hands doing that? It’s not my hand doing that, it’s the magnet in there that’s pulsing. That seems like it would probably feel good.

Susan: It does. Super feels good. And then if you want more size, there’s Dave’s favorite.

Dave: Oh yeah.

Susan: Because it looks just like him.

Dave: The Dave.

Susan: And then the last but not least is another blended situation, which, this is the, this is the lady bi and the miss bi, Women have different size vaginal muscles. It’s a muscle by the way, this little pocket that we have.

Some ladies like me have giant ones and some ladies have more diminutive ones. They’re all good, but this is nice for women who want to do that cross training where, okay, I can have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation. but not vaginal stimulation. So what you do, this is what my mayor, my mentor, Sherry Winston taught me.

You get one thing going and then you cross train and add in the new stimulation and it helps you cross that gasm chasm and start having orgasms from vaginal pleasuring. So these are also very nice. So that’s all the kinds.

Dave: So guys, this is the bouquet I’m bringing on my next date.

Susan: Yeah, here’s the licker. Add that one in too.

Dave: Okay, so I’m so happy to see you. And you know you don’t have to buy dinner when you do this.

Susan: No. Bring some takeout. I’m gonna be hungry.

Dave: Nice. I love you. It takes mitochondrial energy to orgasm?

Susan: Yes, it does. Um, so we dropped one. Thank you, sweetheart. Thanks. Okay, so that’s, this is the, this is the female situation, and I’ve got some good stuff here to give away.

So I have

Dave: Tell me I’m gonna get to throw vibrators at people. Yes. This has been a long dream of mine since like seventh grade. Suction cups, we shouldn’t have suction cups. Just thunk, thunk.

Susan: This is the Poco. Who wants the Poco?

Dave: I don’t think, I actually don’t think it’s safe to throw this. How do we give these away?

Susan: We have runners. Here they are. A runner. All right.

Dave: Make some noise if you want a Poco. All right. Here, find, I, I, like right here in the front, in the blue jacket, you’re the noisiest for sure. All right, so make some noise. Who wants on this side over here? I see back, gray, way back there in the gray, like, yeah, with the arms going up and down.

Stay up there. Yeah, yeah, there we go. We got one more over here? Now, Pick somebody. Susan, your call. No, you do it, Dave. You do it. Um, Susan, I need help. I need help, Susan.

Susan: Pinky! What? Pink? Pinky.

Dave: Pink, pink in the front right there.

Susan: Now, that one, Little Miss Pinky, that’s the Crescendo. And what I love about it is that it, um, you can set it and it’s like riding a vibrational symphony.

It will take you on a journey. You just apply it to your pleasure spots and enjoy the ride. I mean, the tech is so much fun. You don’t, it’s not like just five speeds anymore.

Dave: Is there a remote control I can use?

Susan: Uh, yes. I have remote control devices right here. So we’re getting into the guy’s stuff. And I’ve got a couple of good ones for that as well.

But I do have a few more things. These are playing cards with fun, sexy ideas on them. Who would like to have some fun, sexy ideas?

Dave: Alright. I saw, I saw some hands right here. There we go. I’m wired to


And, uh, whoever’s on the chair back there. This is the guy who’s


Susan: Desperate! That man’s gonna be so much fun now!

Dave: Now all he needs is a date.

Just kidding.

Susan: Oh, he’s going to get a date here. Yeah, no problem. All right, so next, let’s just do the four for dudes, okay? Let’s do this one fairly fast because I do want to get to biohacking as well, okay?

Dave: Did she glossed over guys? do it fairly fast.

Susan: Honestly, guys, you guys aren’t, you, you, you’re, you’re really not living up to your orgasmic potential. Women at least are like, I know I want to have different kinds of orgasms, how do I do it? Men are like, I’m good. That’s how they, and I’m like, but dude, you could have so much more fun.

So, this is a stroker. It’s called the Manta. It looks like a little undersea creature for your penis. It’s very nice.

Dave: I’m pretty sure it works like this.

Susan: That’s right.

Dave: Look at that.

Susan: Yes.

Dave: Yeah. Just like that.

Susan: It’s really fun.

Dave: You take that.

Susan: Yeah. Yeah. It’s really fun for oral pleasuring, addition to oral pleasuring.

Sure. This one. is an interesting one, because it’s a stroker that also has a vibrator here. So, for men who have erectile dysfunction, and we’re going to fix that next, for men who have erectile dysfunction, this is pleasurable for him, and then she can get on top of him here and have her vibrator on the top.

And they can have, being like missionary, making love and kissing and telling each other how much they adore each other.

Dave: I’m having a hard time fitting in there. Is this normal?

Susan: This is a remote control. Plug. So you could control it yourself or you could give it to your girlfriend and she could control it if you’re a good boy or a bad boy.

Dave: If someone in the audience is wearing one of these and I press this remote, will it control theirs too?

Susan: Yeah, let’s see. Who’s doing it?


This one is really good if you have intractable erectile dysfunction, which very few people do. I believe that almost all erectile dysfunction, we’re going to talk about female lubrication, painful sex, what you can do to sexually biohack to get back what you lost, so you can have ageless sexuality and you can expand not just your health span, but your sex span.

But if you have intractable, this is really nice because you know how this one works. This one’s the perineal. And then the balls come out here, and the penis comes out there, and that’s hers.

Dave: Butts here, balls here, fingers here.

Susan: That’s it. Or, finger.

Dave: That’s it. This is, uh, a very small representation. There’s, there’s two of these ball like knuckles down here.

It’s called moose knuckle in Canada. Seriously, that was funny. And then this rubs on the perineum, which feels really good. Yes. I got it, and it’s like Can you just say concerts?

Susan: So that’s his and hers pleasure.

Dave: I’m stuck.

Susan: Oh, I don’t think you are. I think you can get it out. This one is remote control dual vibrating penis ring. And that’s really nice because he can have pleasure on his perineal area, she can have pleasure in her clitoral and vulval area, and it’s remote control so you can fight over the remote.

Dave: I think there’s lube left on this one.

Susan: I think it’s drool.

Dave: See, I told you, incorrigible. You cannot ever get her to block.

Susan: Yeah, but the thing is he invited me so he knew what he was getting into. So I have some more free things to do away this. This is one of my favorite couples toys. Like I really think that most couples who aren’t incorporating toys into the bedroom should definitely include this little NŌS from Fun Factory again.

All the stuff’s on MoreDave, what’s it called? Nos.

Dave: NOS. Okay.

Susan: And it has these little ears. That’s it. Exactly. No, that’s what you do. No, that’s it. Oh, did my little thing fall apart? Yeah, it’s a little battery. Well, they get beat up in my suitcase. Okay. Um, but yeah, stick that on your nose and turn it on and see how it feels.

Dave: That’s not what it does.

Susan: I’m just trying to get you to do weird shit.

Dave: I can see the little, the clip going here. What’s the ring for?

Susan: Your dick.

Dave: For my dick?

Susan: It’s stretchy.


Dave: make a big one?

Susan: It stretches. It’s really big. Actually, it’s good for the medium to smaller man. And there’s nothing wrong with that. No, come on, it stretches a lot.

Dave: Okay, it stretches.

Susan: Look how big it stretches. Really good. Yeah.

Dave: Okay. It’ll work.

Susan: And one of the things that I want to say about vaginas right now Is that because vaginas aren’t inside out penises the whole In and out thing that you think you see as far as sex that that’s great for the male shaft But for women, we want more like spelunking in the cave everywhere because it all feels good to us.

We don’t necessarily just want the in and out. We want some of that.

Dave: I like that people clap for that.

Susan: The spelunking?

Dave: Yeah.

Susan: Yeah. And so, um, it’s good if she can be in control of the sensation of the vibrator on her clitoral structure while she’s enjoying his penis inside her. That’s a really good training tool for learning how to orgasm from intercourse.

I have a free Adam plus the vibrating double cockering with the remote control.

Dave: I heard, I heard the white shirt jumping first.

Susan: That’s a powerful vibration.

Dave: Uh, like, three in, and then someone on the side. Make some noise. Alright. Good deal.

Susan: Uh oh. Uh oh. You falling apart on me, Davey?

Dave: My headset’s getting, my headset’s getting limp.

Susan: Oh well, we’ll get that going again, we’ll get that, we’ll get that going.

Dave: Yeah, my headset erectile dysfunction.

Susan: So, use some lube and uh, it should work.

Dave: Alright. What are these?

Susan: These are lube.

Dave: I get to throw lube at people.

Susan: I just, yeah, well you can do whatever you want with them.

Dave: I just want to throw these.

Susan: But basically there’s two kinds of lube. This is where we have our little lube talk because, if you have really great sex for a long time. Yeah, pass them around. Yeah. Share it around.

Dave: Oh, that was a bad throw. But each of these is lots of packs, so share some with your friends. But don’t open them before you share them.

Susan: Yeah, pass it all around so everybody gets a sample.

Dave: There’s tons, so like spread it to your table.

Susan: So that’s the Uber Lube. And what I love about this is it’s a very, very lightweight silicone lubrication that’s very good for the non vaginal area. Oh, it’s sealed. And then for the vaginal area, I like this brand called Foria.

And they have a lube, they have an awakening, all organic essential oil. It’s a little clitoral lubricant that doesn’t have warming. It’s not full of chemicals. It’s actually just essential oils like cardamom, a little cinnamon. It smells and tastes good. It’s edible. And then I love this also the breast, oh that was the intimacy video, and the breast oil because, your breasts and your yoni, y o n i, yoni is the tantric lovemaking word for the female genital system.

So I could say vulva or whatever, but yoni sounds cute, like my little yoni. It wants to be touched, and it likes to be touched with the breasts and with the mouth. They’re a connected system, so the more things you get rolling and get going, the more pleasure you create. And so a breast massage is a really nice part of a good lovemaking session.

Dave: All right. I think we should give them away.

Susan: Yeah, give them away. Yeah, that’s fine. I’ve got it.

Dave: I want to point out, if you and if you are going to join Kimmy and me for the class we’re doing, you will learn about your erotic blueprint, or your partner’s. And if your partner is sensual, you will want these, because sensual

Susan: These are the sensuals.

Dave: If they’re wired for that, all these different oils, the smells, the different locations, that’s what they need to get going. And if your partner is kinky I don’t know if we have to talk to Kimmy, I don’t see any of those toys up here. But like, there’s just different toys that work differently for different people.

And this is really important. If your partner’s like candles, gentle music, soft curtains, and the flowers in the wrong angle, they can’t get wet or hard, then this is why you would use all these different things. So, and if you don’t care, but your partner cares a lot, care, you should care. So your partner will care.

So you’ll get some. So this is actually like matching stuff and it is biohacking because when you get into these really deep kinds of orgasms, you will enter an altered state that you probably haven’t experienced before. That’s why this whole talk is here. Now we gotta give these away because the other part of the talk is the same thing that works with anti aging.

I learned biohacking from people three times my age, and the stuff that makes old people young makes young people powerful. And the stuff that makes old reproductive organs young makes young reproductive organs powerful and multi talented. So we’re going to talk about some of those technologies, but first we have to give these away.

Susan: Yeah, and I’ve got one of those Sibian kind of ride on vibrators you can make love with. So he gets penile pleasure and you get vulval pleasure. She wants that one.

Dave: You’re giving away Sibian?

Susan: Well, it’s not a Sibian. It’s like that. That’s what people know.

Dave: Sibian is like a whole riding thing.

Susan: But this is a ride on.

Dave: Wrist strap remotes with two of them? This sounds awesome.

Susan: It comes with a wrist strap because honestly those little remotes.

Dave: Is for a couple. Which couple wants this? All right, I saw jumping right there first. You run this back to the green shirt, stay standing. And then we got

Susan: Sensualist!

Dave: You should go as a set, maybe?

Susan: No, give him away.

Dave: All right, we got three different oils. You want an oil? I saw a green, blue right here standing up. No, what, a jacket? I can’t quite Yeah, you. Okay. And then, all right, in the back, standing up. See, way in the back with their arm up. Okay, and right here. That was easy. Pink, pink, pink, whatever you’re wearing.

Okay. The lights here are really bright. Okay. Okay. This is a lot of giveaways. Tonight, people are going to, okay, you guys have to come to the party first, okay? That’s all I’m saying.

Susan: Yeah. So the last thing that I was hoping we could talk about is, um, essentially the biohacking regenerative piece of things.

Okay, so, I like to think about your genitals in a spectrum. Dave just was talking about how your sex can be great your whole life long. Like, I’m 61 and I’m having the best sex of my life. My lubrication is fabulous. I am having incredible orgasms. All the kinds. And at 42, I almost left my husband because I wasn’t having orgasms from intercourse.

I was barely having orgasms. I didn’t want to have sex with him after 11 years of having sex with him. And I was like, what do I do? And so we just decided we’ll learn how to do it. And when we did, we were like, it’s so easy. Let’s teach everybody. And so that’s how we ended up. This is how I ended up here doing what I do.

So you have to keep your equipment in good working shape, including your genitals. So biohacking your genitals is really first. Fixing any problems that exist and then taking your genital structures to the next level of peak performance. So the remediation piece is like the GAINSWave you’ve done.

You’ve done GAINSWave.

Dave: Shockwave therapy. I usually just go to people who do shockwave. Yeah.

Susan: Exactly. And the GAINSWave for Her (formerly called FemiWave), which is the female version, and then PRP or stem cells or exosomes.

Dave: Are these words you guys are familiar with? Mostly, I’ve talked about them on the show. There’s been episodes I filmed myself getting shockwave therapy without saying anything you couldn’t unsee. Thank you to my camera woman for never looking while she filmed. Don’t know how she edited. But, but these are real technologies. There’s lots of stuff on the blog about these things. And these are oftentimes things you do on your elbow or you could do it on your equipment.

Susan: Yes.

Dave: So name the top three, like medical type technologies for men and then for women.

Susan: Yeah. So I think GAINSWave or the Phoenix, grab that Phoenix Pro thing. This is your at home device if you don’t, if you’re not near a Gaines Wave. I did a whole episode on this. Yep, so the Phoenix, that one has to be plugged in to work.

Oh, it’s a plug in one. Yeah. Um, but that’s, you can do, DIY your erectile rejuvenation.

Dave: The sound, actually it’s a pressure based, like a jackhammer. It causes more blood vessels to grow.

Susan: Exactly.

Dave: And I will, I will just say that this shockwave therapy, in general, makes huge differences.

Susan: It does.

Dave: Um, I would say, just, I don’t really know if I want to say this on stage.

Like, it’s kind of rude to, it’s rude to brag about changes. Say, you’d have to ask the women I’m dating.

Susan: What couldn’t we say by now?

Dave: So.

Susan: They’re too tired. And then the, the, the, the pièce de résistance is the penis pump, the vacuum erection device. There is no better thing you can do than to use a penis pump or a vulva pump.

I’m going to show you vulva pumps too, to bring in the blood flow, reverse.

Dave: Susan sent me a box of these things and called me and told me how to use them. And I will tell you that if you’re a guy and you’re not pumping appropriately you’re missing out like holy shit. This works way better than you would think it would and I read about this like 10 years ago, and I bought some stuff off the internet, and it didn’t work, and I thought it was junk.

Susan: Right, exactly. There’s no point to put the right product.

Dave: And you told me the right, actually you sent me the right product. Yeah. And then you told me the right pressure levels, and I’m like, this is ridiculous. Yes. Like, like it, it is rejuvenating, and, and improving, and size changing, and length changing, and width changing in ways that you would not believe.

Yeah. It’s not that hard to do, and it doesn’t take very much time.

Susan: And if you’re, if you’re the partner of a penis owner, encourage them. I call it hashtag self care down there. When you pump. Once or twice a week, and you draw the blood into your penis, you reverse atrophy, and you can continue to do it for enlargement.

You can improve your overall penile volume 20 25 percent with consistent pumping in the first year. So, I am, I’m the,

Dave: How many minutes per day to get 25 percent improvements in one year?

Susan: Well, it’s every other day, no more. You have to have your recovery day. And it’s ten minutes, a break, ten minutes, a break, and then if you want to make it longer, you do another ten minutes.

Dave: So, basically, ten minutes, how long is the break?

Susan: Massage and then start again.

Dave: Like two minutes?

Susan: Like 3 minutes. Yeah.

Dave: Okay. So you’re going to spend about a

half hour

Susan: Every other day at the most.

Dave: Okay. Every other day at the most for a year.

Susan: Yeah.

Dave: Okay. And it could be twice a week.

Susan: Just twice a week would be fine.

Dave: Okay. Yeah. And 25 percent improvement in volume.

Susan: Overall penile volume, length and girth. You get girth first and then you can get length. And there’s a red light wrap now. So we do photobiomodulation for the penis as well. And. Um, there’s, if you want more length, this is called a penile extender. You wear it for about half an hour before pumping and it like, it turbocharges the length.

It’s unbelievable how this works.

Dave: What’s cool about this is that if you work from home, you didn’t wear pants on zoom calls anyway.

Susan: It’s what my husband does. He literally props the pump up on his desk while he’s typing. You know Tim would do that. Uh,

Dave: Tim would do that.

Susan: Tim would do that for sure.

Dave: Silicon Valley guys are all the same. Oh wait.

Susan: Silicon Valley guys.

Dave: So, um, so this is stuff that you don’t talk about. But I wanted to talk about it with you here. At the biohacking conference. Because this stuff is, is, it’s actually real and it does work. And I tried it and Susan, thanks for sending me the stuff.

Susan: Yeah.

Dave: You sent me this, um, electronic monitoring, like, Oura Ring for the cock.

Susan: This is the Firm Tech. Yeah, Oura Ring for your ding a ling. Sorry, Oura. Um, this quantifies, this is, that’s the charger, that’s the Firm Tech.

Dave: You sent it to me, but I needed the extra large.

Susan: It’s the last of our instructions.

Dave: I’m kidding, like, it looks small, but, but the reason

Susan: But that’s how you quantify it.

Dave: The reason that’s funny is like, like, if it can go around your arm, I’m pretty sure that that’s not a problem.

Susan: But that has a strain gauge, so what it does is it measures erectile duration and firmness and it keeps track of it on an app. So as you’re pumping and doing your remediation, you’re actually able to track your increased performance.

It’ll also tell you how long you were hard during sex and how firm you were. So you can actually see that the things that are sexual biohacking are really working. They’re here too, by the way, Firm Tech and the Dr. Joel Kaplan company are both here.

Dave: If you spend time tracking your biceps and your body fat and you enjoy sex, maybe you should try biohacking your reproductive system.

So, this is pretty straightforward for guys. What do we do for women, either for rejuvenation or for tracking?

Susan: So the GAINSWave for Her is fantastic for incontinence, lubrication, and clitoral engorgement, and also for labial lifting. So when you are an older woman, you get like saggy lady balls. Your, your labia get a little saggy, which sucks.

Super sucks. And so you can plump them back up and make them really easy to engorge. And all of that is with the Shockwave. The same thing that we do with the men, we do with the women. And then I love this product. This is called the V Fit. And this is photo, intravaginal photobiomodulation. So basically,

Dave: I saw someone wearing one of those at Burning Man.

Susan: Hehehehehehehehehehe As a unicorn horn. This is Warmth, and, uh, it recologenates the vaginal mucosal lining while, uh, the photobiomodulation it refurbishes the glycogen, which decreases with age as we lose estrogen. And we need the glycogen because that’s what feeds the good bacteria in our vagina. And it has vibration, not for orgasm, but for Kegel strength, so we can hold our pelvic musculature up so that we don’t pee our pants and our orgasms are strong and all that stuff.

Pretty cool, huh?

Dave: Super cool. Um, you mentioned vaginal microbiome. So, EV, remember we talked about that with Naveen, you can actually measure that and hack that as a woman too, which can make a big difference.

Susan: Oh, yeah. So important. I’ll turn it off for you.

Dave: That’s all right. I’m just like, my hand is enjoying itself.

Susan: Oh, good. It’s rejuvenating. It’s going to be so lubricated. So you’ve got some more things to give away. I’ve got a FirmTech performance, a Tech Ring, which measures your nighttime erectile function as well as, uh,

Dave: Cardiac, basically cardiac function because it’s measuring your whole body blood flow. So I want to shoot this like a rubber band, but this one’s still sealed.

So, who would like to

Susan: There’s a guy right there. I’ve also got performance rings.

Dave: I saw the black shirt back there first, and then over here we’ll get you one of the rings.

Susan: Yeah, we’ve got the performance rings. They don’t have the string.

Dave: Run that up to the shirt. And who wanted the ring over here?

Susan: These are great.

Dave: We’ve got another one too.

Susan: For intercourse.

Dave: I see a woman there. Yeah, right behind him. Okay.

Susan: And then I’ve got, do I have another one under here? Yeah, I do. Okay, and then I’ve got two of these. I lovingly call these the Whopper. The women want these. They’re like, yeah, I’m gonna give my man this thing. Yeah, self care down there.

Dave: Okay, I, I definitely see the blue jumping right there. Her, her man needs it a lot. Okay, and, uh, uh, I see a guy here. Yeah. Who’s got serious balls for saying yes.

Susan: Yeah, man. Woo! Thank you, sweetheart.

Dave: So we got these. Good. Um, you wanna just run up your clothes? Or, here we go. And, guys, I’ll tell you, I actually do this.

Um, I don’t do it maybe twice a week, I’ll tell you maybe once a week because I’m lazy, and I did it three times a week for a while. Um, dude, it works. And, yes, that’s a hilarious URL, thank you. Um, but if you’re interested in the kind of technology like this, whether it’s for fun, who else was getting this one?

We figured it out. Did we, did we not figure it out? Oh, I saw a woohoo over here. Oh, oh, it was a woman in the blue. Sorry, yeah, yeah, sorry, I thought we knew. Okay, there you go.

All right.

Susan: So, I think, did I give everything away? Um, Down there? It’s all gone, right? Okay, good. Hey, thanks so much for letting me tell you about your erectile function.

I hope that it, I hope that it made a difference for you.

Dave: Let’s give it up for Susan.

Susan: Yeah. Thank you.

Dave: Now, you, you might want to do the other mitochondrial biohacks because if you’re out of shape and then you do all this work, you won’t really be able to do much with it and that’s good for blood flow and all that. But the reality is that if you understand that in your user interface on reality, there’s probably a couple types of orgasms that you’ve experienced.

And you go, oh wait, now the map is bigger than it was before and maybe there’s some unexplored areas in the map. And maybe you visit that one time and you’re like, this is so not my thing, don’t even touch it, that’s fine.

Susan: Yeah.

Dave: Right? And on the other hand, you may say, you know what, I think I’d like to spend more time vacationing there.

Right, but at least now you’ve got It’s about this kind of knowledge, and it’s the stuff that usually gets shut down when you talk about it online, because they try to think you’re selling porn or something like that. This isn’t about porn, this is about healthy relationships. It’s about the third F word in biohacking, and making that pleasurable, so you do it more, which increases oxytocin, increases testosterone, increases progesterone. All the

Susan: Makes you look 10 years younger? I’ll take it!

Dave: It’s working for Susan, I mean, goodness, you said 61?

Susan: 61.

Dave: Amazing.

Yeah. Orgasm powered!

So, Susan, thanks for just being so open about advancement. It’s still relatively taboo. Um, I don’t have all these toys, but no, I want them all.

Susan: You can have anything you want, darling.

Dave: So I’m gonna have to make an order.

Susan: Yeah. My pleasure.

Dave: Thank you for sharing all this. No joke, try this, add this to, as part of biohacking, you’ll see a little bit about this online. I just can’t put this on Instagram, because they won’t let you talk about it, even though it’s biology and it’s part of our, our lives. I think it’s, it’s really, really important.

Susan: I think we need to talk about the um, 70th party. Alright, here we go. Did I screw it up?

Dave: No, you did it right. So, it’s time. First, let’s, uh, just say thank you. Are you gonna

Susan: Yes, I’m gonna have to take my shoes off, I think.

Dave: You’re gonna take your shoes off?

We’ll see how I do. Okay. Well then, stay up here with me while we do this part.

Guys, give it up. Yay! Yay! Yay!

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