I’m Susan Bratton, trusted hot sex adviser to millions, and you are on 2 of a 3-part series on how to give her an orgasm. Previously, I spoke about the importance of creating an environment for pleasure.
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VARIETY
Now, let’s move into Variety. This is the second of the three ways to make her cum more quickly and intensely, including when you’re inside her. There are many good sexual techniques that I encourage you to learn. For example, I teach about massages and intercourse techniques in one of my video collections called the Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection. It’s great to memorize as many stimulation strategies as possible, and over your lifetime, keep adding to your sexual repertoire.
If you’re a typical guy, you may have 10 to 20 go-to techniques. But once you start practicing 30, 40, or 50 moves, you can flow through a sequence of stimulations that take her higher in ways you cannot imagine. It will help her get into an orgasmic trance state. Once you start, you can keep her coming again and again when she surrenders to her pleasure. A variety of techniques lets her know that you can keep stimulating her to get more turned on. She can relax if she knows you know what to do to keep her arousal escalating.
Ever had a lull in the bedroom when she’s not resting from having a bunch of orgasms, but you’ve seen her sexual energy drop. If you can tell that she’s straining to orgasm or even given up on trying, you don’t know enough techniques, and that’s okay. You’re learning but not from porn because women don’t want to be treated like porn stars.
Learning sex techniques is super important. You need good oral and manual skills; you need to know how to use your penis and not just pump it as you see in porn. Men created for your ejaculation. It would help if you learned heart-connected conscious lovemaking techniques for women. Generally, women need more passionate sex. They want romantic unrushed language sensual sex.
PRESENCE
A big part of creating erotic sexual experiences stems from the strength of your presence. Presence is key. Be mindful of the moment and pay attention to her. Techniques are great, but if you’re in bed with a woman doing her, pushing this button, or tingling this thing, she will feel like you’re trying to get her off without connecting to her heart. Women need an emotional connection. They need you to be present with them.
Learn lots of techniques and forget about them. Let them become natural. Techniques are a part of the background of your lovemaking, not where you’re focusing your attention. Your attention is focused on her. You’re together with her in that interplay of love-making. You’re talking to her, kissing her, feeling her, and she’s feeling you. It’s an interplay of the two of you in a passionate back-and-forth in real-time that makes her feel like you’re not just doing her like a piece of meat. Instead, she feels that you love being with her, and you’re getting off on her in the way that she’s getting off on you. That’s the passionate romantic, emotional, love-making connection that gets women to open up.
BULLSEYE
Throughout it, you’re holding a meta-frame, the big picture of what the dates will be like. Once the context’s environment is safe during a lovemaking session, start outside. I call this my ‘bullseye touch technique.’ Think about an archery target. All your life, you’ve been trained to shoot for the center. But with women, you have to start on the outside and work your way into that creamy center.
Too often, guys go for her nipples and genitals. You want her to grab your penis immediately, but it’s too fast. She’s a fire. You need to build a kindling, start the fire, blow on it and warm it up. You need to add bits of fuel, and only after that can you start putting the logs in.
You’re a light switch. You’re almost instantly ready to have sex, and that’s how you are wired. You have to remember that she is a slow burn. That’s why it’s common knowledge that it takes 20 minutes for a woman to get turned on; that’s the bare minimum. It takes a lot longer than 20 minutes if you want to make a woman multi-orgasmic if you want to give her penetration and all kinds of orgasms.
Maybe you will hold and hug her first. Then you will give her a massage. You will touch her hands which are the outside edges. Rub her feet, legs, and her back. Give her kisses when she’s ready.
HOW TO GIVE HER AN ORGASM
First, you will kiss her eyebrows, eyelids, cheeks, neck, or collarbone before you go to her lips. That’s bulls-eye. You will work your way outside with the bull’s eye touch technique. Then you will massage her belly and touch her breasts but not her nipples. Slowly open her until you can feel her relax in your arms. Breathe with her. Look her in the eyes. This creates the trust and connection that lets her come for you. Tell her how beautiful she is. Over time you will kiss her more deeply, brushing your lips across hers, and before you stick your tongue in her mouth, you can explore with the tip of your tongue.
Next, you could squeeze her buns, brush her nipples, and pet her mons. Pet from top to bottom the way the fur grows on her yoni, the way you pet a kitty cat. Don’t go right into her vagina. Never stick your finger in her without asking or even touch her clitoris until she invites you to do so or signals that she is ready. As her masculine leader, you have to have a master plan for the lovemaking date that warms her up. Think of it as an arc of what’s going to happen. You’ll start small, add to her desires, take your peak, and peak and peak and help her calm down at the end.
FILL HER
If you think I have to do all that work, let me assure you that once you fill her with orgasms and remediate her orgasm deficit, she will be an incredible lover. You will have way more, better, and satisfying sex than all those other guys. You will feel cocky and confident that those who don’t take the time to set the context, engorge her, and have bedroom skills as yours will never have your sex. Their penises will atrophy, and they will get older faster. Their partners will get bitchy because they’re not having good sex like you have when you do these three things.
With what you’re piecing together here, you will be in the top 1% of lovers. Over time, you will increase arousal with stimulation techniques that start at her extremities and move toward her genitals, breast tissue, and lips. These are her erogenous areas. You will go from kissing to oral to penetration. Hopefully, she’ll be screaming your name as she comes repeatedly, and as the date winds down, you’ll end up with her back in your arms.
LOVEMAKING
Over a few lovemaking dates, she will start to orgasm from your fingers which are the most agile of all sex tools. Hence, get good with those clean beefy fingers or your tongue or a vibrator but not penetration yet.
Give her many orgasms before you slip inside. Instead of pounding her, probe her vagina with your penis. Stroke and stimulate the erectile tissue inside. Look in her eyes, stroke her clitoris, play with her nipples, and kiss her slowly. Keep the stimulation going while inside and watch what feels good to her.
Over time you’ll take what works to stimulate her to orgasm and do it before or when you enter her. In time, she’ll have orgasms while you penetrate her. My fellow sexologist Sherry Winston describes it as ‘orgasmic cross-training.’ You’re leveraging the orgasmic pleasure she gets from one modality into another one, penetration sex.
As your trust together grows, as her confidence in you grows, and as you get good at stimulating her, one day, she will have an orgasm with your penis inside her.
ENGORGEMENT
Now, will this work in 100 percent of women? No, it won’t. There’s been too much social shame, body negation, religious repression, sexual abuse, fear, lack of knowledge, lack of experience ad nauseam for me to say that context, variety, and engorgement will overcome all that shaming. But using these three techniques has worked for many couples who’d given up. That is my best advice for you.
The singularly most crucial skill for giving women intense orgasmic pleasure is called engorgement, and if you’ve never heard of it, you’re in for a big surprise. Learn how to give her an orgasm.
