I’m Dr. Nancy Moonstar, your host of Man’s Guide to Intimacy Series 4.
Let’s talk about sex, the holy grail of intimacy. You are in for such a treat. From an intimacy expert to millions champion and advocate for those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life, she’s co-founder and CEO of two corporations, Personal Life Media and The20. She is a publisher of at least 34 books, and she’s a great actress, excellent spokesperson, and advocate for good, intimate sex.
She’s a best-selling author and creator of Steamy Sex Ed, Ravish Him, Hot to Try, Hormone Balancing, Passion Patch, and Relationship Magic.
She has been on many media platforms and newspapers. You can find her on Instagram. You can get her supplements FLOW and Desire at The20 Store, and her show is Betterlover.com.
Today we’re going to talk about the orgasmic explosion and how to make her climax better, faster, and more quickly. So, if any of you have hesitancies or a partner who will hesitate and wonder how I will handle that, she will address that too.
Please welcome Susan Bratton!
Hello Nancy Moonstar. It is great to be back for number four of a man’s guide to intimacy. I have been getting sexier and sexier as we go over the years, and this time when you invited me, I was like not only a “Yes,” but “Hell, yes, I want to come back.” You’re one of the few people who address men’s intimacy issues which is my expertise. When you said, “what do you want to talk about?” I said, “orgasmic explosion.”
I wanted to ask you something before we get into the meat. It’s straightforward about your natural gifts. How are your natural gifts brought into this niche, and how do you see them intertwining?
My natural gift is to say the things that no one else will say. I always say that I have courage, and you have to have a lot of courage to be a sex educator. I like to say I teach people how to transform having sex into making love. I am a sex techniques expert. I’m not a therapist or a sexologist.
I don’t help people overcome their childhood traumas though that’s a part that would naturally be within my purview. I teach people how to co-create pleasure, and to do that, I’ve had to learn how to talk about it in a way that’s very confident and almost matter-of-fact.
When I do that, I find that people are like, “Thank you. Why can’t we just talk about sex this way? You make me feel so comfortable because you’re so comfortable. I wasn’t always comfortable.”
This is my second career. I’m 60 years old, and I had a hectic Silicon Valley career until I was in my mid-40s and almost divorced because my husband and I didn’t know how to make love. I was an unsatisfied wife, and we set about fixing it and realized that sex is a learnable skill and that you get better at sex your whole life.
That’s when my husband and I dedicated the rest of the second half of our lives to helping people have more passionate lovemaking techniques. My superpower is courage. Thank you for that.
I know you’ve received awards for your technical skills in Silicon Valley. I didn’t realize you had this extensive career beforehand, and you’re gorgeous and such a beautiful being. Thank you for sharing your age and such a glorious example for all of us.
If you’re 60 and having the best sex of your life, you want to tell somebody about it. Everybody thinks sex gets worse as you age. You can keep your genitals in good working order because there are many sexual regenerative treatments like GAINSwave, penis pumps, p shots, the Phoenix Pro for men, and the Vfit for women. I will do a show and tell later in our segment that you can keep yourself from getting old down there. I call it self-care down there, and once you do that, you benefit from patience, experience, and time on your side as you age.
You get better at feeling comfortable in your skin and with who you are and taking the time to say I don’t know everything. I could learn a few things. That makes all the difference in the amount and pleasure of sex.
Let me start with one big question. We’re focusing on orgasms. Why do you say giving your woman orgasms is the most crucial aspect of sex?
There is this notion Dr. Lori Mintz did. In a Ted Talk called the orgasm gap wherein, in her studies of thousands of people, she found a gap between how easy it was for a man to have a climax orgasm from intercourse and how difficult it was for a woman.
Some women maybe half the time, whereas with men, it was over 90% of the time. It was easy for them to climax. For most men, especially younger men, but men of all ages, premature ejaculation, coming too fast, is the biggest issue. Even having an orgasm during intercourse is the biggest issue for women.
The woman thinks that she can’t do it, and her partner feels, “I guess she’s not a woman who can have an orgasm from intercourse.” We’ll find other things for her. I’ll go down on her or use my hands, or she’ll say, “Honey, don’t worry about it. I like being close to you.” The problem is that it doesn’t last. She will want less sex over time. Most people are in a heterosexual monogamous relationship. Most are a man and a woman having sex, and sex is everything.
It’s the dirty talk, flirting, sensual touch, genital massage, oral pleasuring, sex positions, and role play. When you say sex, people still think of intercourse. That’s because intercourse is one of the most incredible experiences of the man-woman dynamic. Most people are in the man-woman dynamic, and if you’re not, everything I’m going to say with Nancy today is still applicable to you.
I will stick with the big bubble in the middle, which is that most people are in a long-term relationship with an opposite-gendered person. If she’s not having orgasms from intercourse, then your sex life will swirl down the drain over time instead of going on the upward pleasure spiral where sex keeps getting better your whole life, which it has for me and it can for you.
I want to dedicate this episode with Nancy for a Man’s Guide to Intimacy to talk about how you can have incredible orgasms from intercourse. She needs those orgasms when you penetrate her, or she won’t want sex with you. New relationship energy and desire go away. You end up in a platonic relationship. You are cranky, irritable, etc. She can get away with not having sex way more quickly than you as a man can because her testosterone levels are lower.
You are hornier consistently than she is unless there’s a health issue. If you have a health issue, then your libido goes down because libido is the other side of the same coin of your health. Giving her orgasms from intercourse is the most critical thing you can learn how to do. You have something to learn if she’s not consistently coming when you’re penetrating her. Nance, we were going to talk about that caveat.
Maybe she’s not open to this discussion or might not even want to go there, or you’re hesitant.
You’re a guy, and you feel it’s been so long since there’s been penetration. Maybe she even uses some of her “I’m going through the change of life, or now that I’ve had kids, things are different.”
Let’s jump off at this point. Let’s hear what Susan can help with. I want to tell you that you can overcome her lack of interest in what I’m about to say, even if you think your partner is not up for the sex I’m talking about. Because I’m about to tell you the three types of orgasms and the 20 types of orgasms, I talk about giving her orgasms from intercourse. If the entire time you’re thinking, my wife’s never going to go for it. She doesn’t want 20 orgasms. She doesn’t even want one orgasm.
You’ve got that playing in your head while I’m talking. I need you to put that aside and listen to what I have to say because what you know got you where you are now.
If that’s what’s playing in your mind, you need to let me help you get through that to the other side of the possibility of having a gratifying sex life with your partner who may want sex with you.
If you’re lucky enough to be a man whose woman wants sex from him frequently, I will teach you how to give her even more pleasure. If you’re with someone who could take it or leave it, I will teach you how to get her to chase you down for sex.
Men will eat that up because they want to be desired and don’t want just to do it and get it over with. That’s heartbreaking. He wants to know she wants him. He wants to be desired, and she wants to want him, but she doesn’t, which is exciting.
Here’s how you short-circuit that whole negative spiral and get into the thing that will get her to want you for sex and love having sex with you.
The first is that a woman can have many kinds of orgasms. I want to focus on penetration orgasms but let you know that there are three essential orgasms. There are orgasms created by touching her body in different locations. You can stroke her nipples and breasts and give her an orgasm.
She can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. You can give her orgasms from kissing, touching her clitoris, stroking her g-spot, vaginal orgasms, and anal orgasms. Those are the locations. There are methods you can use to create different orgasms. Expanded orgasms, female ejaculatory orgasms, and erotic hypnosis, which are touchless, are on command with your voice. There are fetish orgasms and things like that.
The third category is orgasms from objects of desire, tools, or technologies. I will show you vibrators and other sex toys that can be good for increasing orgasmic capacity and more orgasms.
There are three categories of orgasms and 20 kinds of orgasms within those three categories. Places to touch, techniques to use, and objects of desire stimulate beyond what you can do with your fingers, tongue, and penis. When you think about orgasm, we will focus on orgasms from intercourse and penis-in-vagina sex because it’s the most fulfilling for the heterosexual couple and what holds you in your long-term relationship.
If you can keep doing that, it’s good. That’s the 20 orgasms.
I appreciate you repeating the three basic categories. So, location-specific techniques and play toys and objects. You also gave a whole excellent menu, and I’m sure there’s even more than that.
What do you mean by female orgasmic capacity?
Female orgasmic capacity means she has an unlimited ability to orgasm. She can have multiple, expanded, and extended orgasms. She can have orgasms from the locations, techniques, and objects. As her male-bodied partner, you want to be her masculine sexual leader. You want to create a place for her to surrender to her pleasure because she trusts you, and you turn her on.
She needs you to encourage and appreciate her verbally, lead and guide her, keep her safe, and learn how to escalate her pleasure by turning her on more over time. She can be on her bed waiting for you to get out of the shower and have orgasms without you in the room.
What’s interesting is that she is no different from you. You have that same unlimited capacity. But because you’ve thought all your life that when you ejaculate, you have an orgasm, you’ve tied those two together in your mind even though they’re two entirely separate systems.
You could have tons of full-body male-multiple orgasms, energy orgasms, heartgasms, and braingasms. You can have orgasms from your prostate, blended orgasms with a penis stroke, and prostate pleasuring. You can have nipplegasms. Male nipples are just as sensitive as female nipples. If you’re open to having them, you can have the same orgasms she can have. Most men would put their partner’s pleasure before their own. You want us to have incredible orgasms because you like us to have more. You want us to want you more for sex and need to please us. During this time together with Nancy, I’m focused on her orgasms. But I want to make sure you understand that we are born of the same embryo.
Although some turn out with XX chromosomes and have a vagina and a urethral sponge, the g-spot, some of us have XY chromosomes. We have a penis, prostate, and testicles. All those individual parts are born of the same cellular material. We have the same pieces arranged in a different order.
We don’t call this a vagina because it is the birth canal where menstruation flows. That’s a beautiful part of the female genital system. These days young women call it a vagina. It is an old way of thinking about things focused on more male pleasure than incorporating the entire vulva into the pleasuring experience. I will show you the outside and walk you through it. Although you think you know all the parts, you don’t.
I want you to listen very well, and it’s an excellent review for anybody. Partners often don’t let you even look, so you’re working in the dark. You might have seen pornography and vulvas, but it’s nice to know the anatomical pieces. I will explain how you need to give her a clitoral erection: she has spongy tissue inside her vulva, as you do in your penis. I will show you where the parts are to understand what you’re going for concerning stimulation. You wouldn’t want to have sex with a flaccid penis. Yet women are having intercourse with a flaccid vulva.
It doesn’t feel as good because it’s flaccid, soft, small, and squishy versus full, erect, hard, and sensitive. When you have a lot of surface area, you have more cellular signals synapsing in your brain telling you you’re feeling pleasure. So, you have to get your woman to have a clitoral erection. Let’s get into the clitoris. There are three erectile tissue systems in the vulva: clitoral, urethral, and perineal.
If you put all the tissue on a scale, it will weigh as much as the erectile tissue in your penis.
She has a penis worth of erectile tissue in her vulva. You must get her engorged, filled with blood, swollen and erect.
We have the outer area where the fur is. Underneath that fur is the labia majora, the big labia, and underneath that are the legs of the clitoris, the vestibular bulbs. Then you’ve got the mons at the top, which is sensitive. Under that is the clitoral hood, that’s very sensitive. Then you have the clitoral tip or glands, which are like the glands of your penis. That tip goes into a shaft that goes in between the opening of the pubic bone.
The tip is sensitive, but so is the shaft, and it gets erect like a mini penis. You want her to have a clitoral erection when you make love to her because if she doesn’t, she won’t feel the pleasure potential and achieve her orgasmic potential.
If she’s not erect, the shaft separates into two little legs that go down and back up into her body. Then you have the inner labia, the labia minora, that come together near the perineum above the anus. That’s called the fourchette, which opens up and turns into the hood of the clitoris. It’s all one system, and it’s very delicate. That’s what grips around your penis when you make love and feels so nice, like little hands lovingly embracing your penis.
Inside, the vulva is called the vestibule, which opens up and has the vaginal opening called the introital sphincter. It’s a rounded muscle like the iris of your eye that opens and closes. Inside is the vaginal canal. On the roof is the urethral sponge, which people call a g-spot. But it’s not a kind of a spot; it’s a long tube.
On the bottom is the perineal sponge. It looks like your prostate. Interestingly enough, it’s a spongy tissue between the bottom of the vagina and the top of the rectum.
That’s your third erectile tissue system. This is the urethral exit. I call it the second g-spot. The first is what you’re familiar with inside the roof of the vagina. This spongy tissue exists here. All around the opening to her urethral exit is spongy rose-like tissue that is very sensitive and feels incredible to the touch.
Then, you slide up the vestibule, and you’re back up to the clitoris. This is the entire vulval area. All of it is orgasmic. For many women, you would need to touch the top of the mons, the edge of the labia, stroke it, and make her have an orgasm. It’s not just the tip of the clitoris that is sensitive. In a relationship with a woman, you want to be animating her vulva and getting all of the usual connections awakened in her entire vulva so that anything you do will make her come. The goal is to get your hands, tongue, and penis in her and keep the blood flowing.
If I take the covers off her vulva, it looks like this on the outside. Pretend I peeled the skin away, and all that was left was her three erectile tissue systems.
This is your penis. It’s veiny and got a gland.
This one happens to be circumcised. Uncircumcised is intact, and those men are lucky to have a foreskin. You’ve got your testicles. If I take that away, this is what it looks like inside. You have the prostate; the bladder drains through the urethra and goes through the prostate out of your penis. This is where both your semen and urine come through the same tube as your woman.
All women can ejaculate.
Female ejaculation is real. It’s not urine. It comes out of the same tube as her urine, just like your pee and ejaculate. You’ve got three spongy tissues, the corpus spongiosum, which wraps around this urethral tube, two corpus cavernosum, and a spongiosum. All this is erectile tissue. She has the same thing, just in different locations.
These are her corpus cavernosum and spongiosum, and this tip of her clitoris is nerve endings, but it’s not erectile, but the shaft is erectile. These tiny arms are like the spongiosum that surrounds your urethra. These are the vestibular bulbs I talked about underneath the pubic hair on each side under the labia majora. This whole thing is her clitoral structure of erectile tissue. This little rosebud is where her urine exits out of her body in the vestibule that goes inside. It’s a long tube of sponginess that’s your corpus spongiosum.
It’s her g-spot, but it’s not a spot. It’s a long noodle tube wrapped around her urethra, and it’s sensitive here and inside and up. It likes pressure. Down here, this funny little dark green thing is her perineal sponge. That’s her third erectile tissue system. It’s one of the things that makes anal sex feel good because it gets stimulated by anal and vaginal sex.
That’s her three tissue system.
That little g-spot looks like this. It’s the tube. Her pee comes through here, but she also has Skene’s glands that recruit blood plasma from her body. The water comes down these narrow channels into here. She has a contraction, and it squirts fluid. Like when you spray fluid, not pee, from your penis—the same in women. The female ejaculation comes from her blood plasma so does the lubrication of her vagina.
She doesn’t have a gland in her vagina that wets her vagina when she gets aroused and lubricated. The blood flow to her pelvis seeps through and wets the vaginal walls. You can see how similar we are. There are a couple of essential things, Nancy.
She needs an erection, and if she’s rushing you for sex and not hard, she’s shortchanging herself. It’s like putting another brick in your sexless marriage wall when you don’t give her the time that she needs to get fully aroused and turned on. I heard you say she can rush it too.
She doesn’t know this about her anatomy. She doesn’t know about female ejaculation. She could have all these orgasms. She doesn’t know where all these parts are located. She doesn’t know she needs 20 minutes of foreplay. She hasn’t had those orgasms and experiences, so she doesn’t know that’s even possible.
He needs to be aware, so he can help her move through.
There’s one more thing, too. I like to call it the everted clitoral erection. It isn’t from the inside out. You can rub, vibrate, lick the clitoris or use your fingers or your penis to do it. You can also set the arousal through kissing and breast play because the tissue in a woman’s nipples, lips, and tongue begin the contractions in her vagina when they become aroused. They swell those erectile tissue structures. I like to tell men to think about a bullseye.
I call this my bullseye touch technique. You want to stroke her hair, arm, and legs. Rub her feet, back, belly and butt. Touch her breasts and kiss her eyes, cheeks, neck, chin, nose, lips. Don’t grab her vagina and stick your tongue in her mouth. It’s too much too soon.
She needs you to go from the outside ring to the next and warm her up slowly. She needs the time to get aroused because the chambers in your penis are a straight shot. The blood rushes into those chambers when you get turned on and have an erection. She’s got all these nooks and crannies. It’s like an English muffin where you have to warm it up and toast it in the toaster. Do you know how long it takes to toast a piece of English muffin, a few minutes?
You wait and get it brown. The butter is hard, and you put it on the muffin, and it melts and seeps into the nooks and crannies, and the muffin is ready. She’s the muffin. She’s slowly melting and needs that time to get engorged and her clitoral erection. Playing with her breasts and nipples and making out stimulates the fluids, running the juice, flowing the turn-on in the vagina, lubricating the pussy, blossoming like a flower.
It does such a great job, and all these details are lovely, and the similarity between the genitalia in both sexes is so interesting. I had never heard somebody relate a flaccid penis and an unstimulated flaccid yoni. That’s the equivalent and a similar way of understanding a man.
He wants to take this menu to the highest level. How can he get her to let him do these orgasms?
There are a couple of things. One is describing the possibility to her. Did you know you could have 20 kinds of orgasms? Did you know there are different ways I can give you orgasms? I want to do this for you. I want to increase your orgasmic ability and give you the most incredible pleasure possible.
I want us to have a great sex life. There’s no shame in it. We’ve been given a gift as important as our health, the love of friends and family, and the pleasure from food, exercise, music, art, movement, and creation. We’re partnered together and on a journey, and I want our sexual journey to be as valuable, intimate, exploratory, growth-oriented, comforting, loving, and sexually satisfying as the other parts of our relationship we work on.
I know that sex can keep getting better in our lives, and I want us to be sexually vital and connected. I want to have romantic dates and make love to you. I want to do dirty things with you and have our secret life of incredible pleasure. I want to try techniques and keep growing.
It’s so important to give you this pleasure that I want you to be open to the ideas and to know that sometimes we’ll try stuff, and it’ll end up being the stories we laugh over and sometimes. We’ll try things that will go into our daily or weekly routine. That’s like that’s a keeper for us. Sometimes we’ll try something and know that it’s good, but we’ll see that it’ll take two or three times to get good at it because sex is a learned skill.
Anybody can make a baby but being good lovers takes practice. I want to have the joy and fun of the exercise together that we can do for the rest of our lives. I’m happy to guide and lead. I’m also excited for you to tell me everything you’ve heard that you want to try because I want to try that with you. It’s simple to have these conversations with our partners. Some partners have had trauma and been shamed. Some are fearful out of ignorance, which is easy to fix.
99.9 of people with the right trauma fixing modalities can overcome and move through it and move on to become positively sexual people.
Sometimes, you have to address and do the work to get through it, but it is possible, and you should never allow things that happened in the past to hold you back from a future of pleasure. Address and work on them like a grown-ass man taking matters into your own hands and dealing with and moving through the problems to the solutions. It’s a part of what you do in your regular life and what you do in your sex life.
If it happened, it happened. Let’s get it done, move through it, and have the best sex because it’s our private life, and it’s here for us. How attractive to a partner to be able to come fully because you’re painting a nice strong picture. Instead of dimming and moving back, you’re not only inviting him but saying step up. If you’re afraid, come in and do it this way.
Yes, masculine sexual leadership is critical because men are given more testosterone than women. Testosterone makes men feel more confident than women. They feel like they can figure things out in ways that women don’t necessarily have a competitive advantage. It also makes them hornier, so they hold the torch for sex in many relationships. Many men get angry at their woman because she doesn’t want them.
He feels rejected, so he moves into emotions that men can have: victimhood, anger, withholding, shutting down, stonewalling, and emotional removal.
Unfortunately, we don’t teach our young men how to have a full range of emotions, so they don’t have all the tools to deal with these feelings.
She’s not rejecting you. She’s not where you are.
She didn’t get the testosterone bath this morning that you did, so she’s not horny all the time like you are. She’s horny on a 28-day cycle. Even after menopause, women run with the moon. We go into our horny window about nine days after the start of our period. That’s about a five-day window when we are the most likely to be interested in sex.
Although we’re interested in sex all the time, it feels good if we have a great partner, sex life, and communication. Men take it personally if she doesn’t want sex because they’re ready to go, and she’s not, and they haven’t gotten her warmed, and she hasn’t had great sex. Why does she want it? This is the spiral I’m trying to get you out of in this conversation on a man’s guide to intimacy.
I’m trying to get you to realize that you’ve just been treating her like a guy. What’s wrong with her? She must not want me because she’s not horny. That has nothing to do with you, so you can’t take it personally. You have to realize that it is your job to get her to move her toward pleasure by making her little offers for fun.
Would you like a foot rub? Can I get you a glass of wine? Do you want to snuggle on the couch and have a neck rub? Would you like a yoni massage? Never expect it to turn into sex. It will turn into sex way often if you’re always offering nurturing, healing, and sensual touch. Don’t expect that she will want you to pounce on her every time you grab her because that’s not how her operating system works.
Once you understand her operating system is different, you realize it’s not me. It’s the way women are wired. That’s what I’m going to do, and it works like a charm. What if he’s hesitant and you’re encouraging language development. They say you’re a man with few words because men feel they’re at a disadvantage having a conversation with their wives because women can run verbal circles around them and lose every battle when it’s conversation.
What she wants to hear from you is encouragement and that you adore her. She wants to know you find her sexy, and she wants specifics. She wants you to encourage her. Come for me, baby. Let me make you feel good. Let it go. How does it feel? What do you want me to do? Go softer or harder. You guide her verbally and tell her how much you love her and how sexy she is, and she will come way better for you.
What can he expect when she starts having these orgasms? What does it look like to him?
One good thing is that you can encourage her to be more verbal to hear her feedback when you’re in the bedroom. Continue every time she makes noise. That helps me know I’m doing a good job.
Many people have quiet sex. The men don’t get enough feedback to know where she is and if she even came. Number one: Suppose you have to ask her if she came. She didn’t. You need her to be more verbal. Moan for me. Give me feedback. Talk to me. Tell me up, down, left, right, harder, and softer.
Don’t do this. That’s important and will help you get feedback to know you’re giving her the pleasure. That’s number one.
When she has good orgasms, she will want more sex more often. She will get horny not because she needs to get laid but because she’s got unmet desire.
When she is grumpy, knocks things over, and is high strung and nervous because she isn’t getting enough sex, it will transition to the point where she will get grumpy when she doesn’t want more sex. You’ll notice that sign.
As you pleasure her, when she has orgasms from touching her yoni, playing with her breasts, going down on her, penetrating her when she comes the whole time, she will want a lot more sex.
She will want regular sex dates and yoni massages using hands and warm oil if you’ve got rough hands. Get tight-fitting nitrile gloves and rub her that way. If you use your hands for a living, you want them to be soft. Keep your nails trimmed and filed with an emery board to get your hands on her and schedule times. I will ask you to lie down and give you a yoni massage on Thursday night.
After putting the kids to bed, I will have the room ready. Make sure you show up. Light the candle. Get the water and put on the music, and you’re ready.
You give her that yoni massage.
If she doesn’t want sex and dozes off, it’s okay. Please do it again a few days later. The more of those you do, the more you will fill her up with good feelings and sensations and open and blossom her yoni. Give her neural connections of pleasure and bring in blood and engorge and fill up her clitoral and erectile tissue.
She will undulate and moan, and you’ll know you’re getting somewhere when her body naturally starts its movements. Keep making these offers. You have to keep touching her outside the bedroom in non-sexual, non-grabby, non-needy ways.
Soon she will come up to you and say, “We have to have sex today.” She will get on your calendar for sex, and by sex, I mean intercourse or a yoni massage. But you have to prime the pump. Priming the pump is getting the blood flow into her pelvis so that she wants you inside her. When you were calling her to verbalize, and while you’re making love, it’s almost like I imagined the two could figure out a language.
What do you do when you come? How would I know? What sounds would moans convey?
He needs a trick. I tap my partner every time. It helps in the beginning when you’re with a partner and let them know how many times you’re coming. Tap-tap. He’s like, “She’s coming the whole time.” This is amazing.
We women come the whole time we have orgasm after orgasm. We have a good partner willing to put in the engagement, the sensual and emotional connection, the sensual talk, leading and encouraging us.
I liked how tapping would help because it’s hard for a woman to think or say a word when we’re in that moment. Is there anything else you’d like to add before we close?
I want to give you the Thrust in Time Technique. That’s the gift. I want to show you a couple of things because it goes along with my conversation. If your female-bodied partner has painful sex, dryness, loss of lubrication, laxity, no grip, incontinence, prolapse organs, dropping or falling tissue, a super-sensitive vagina because of a loss of estrogen, I recommend the Vfit Gold.
It’s from Joylux.
It uses red light therapy and glows red when you put it in the vagina. It vibrates and is warm, and it tones the vagina, helps the vaginal mucosal building and helps with incontinence, lubrication, grip, and tone musculature. It’s an FDA Class 2 medical-grade at-home vaginal rejuvenation device.
This is a crucial thing similar to the Phoenix Pro for men and women, which uses sound wave technology to stimulate new tissue growth in the vulva and penis so you can reverse the atrophy of aging. You can keep a firm erection and get good blood flow.
I want to talk about incorporating toys into your intercourse. This is a little product from Hot Octopuss. It’s called the Digit, and it’s like a ring pop. You’ve got to use lube like organic nut oil. If you use a condom, use a polyethylene or polypropylene condom with nut oil. I like this particular vibrator because she can hold this on her clitoris.
At the same time, she’s being penetrated in different positions and gives herself direct stimulation on the clitoris while she’s being penetrated. I encourage partners to use them during sex and intercourse. She might need this stimulation to get over the hump during penetration. It’s like cross-training. You penetrate her, and she uses a vibrator and comes, and you can penetrate her. Sometimes, she won’t even need the vibrator, and she’ll be able to come.
This is also an excellent device from Hot Octopuss. This has a cock ring. Your penis and balls go in here, and you tuck this under your balls, and your penis sticks out. This vibrator is for her, and this vibrator is for you.
It goes underneath your balls and stimulates your perineum.
This is good, significantly if you have delayed ejaculation and struggle to climax and feel you have to pound away at her, and she’s not so thrilled about it. It happens to older guys who are losing sensitivity. You want to get Gainswave or use a Phoenix Pro to regain your sensitivity. This is nice because she can get on top of you cowgirl-style.
It has a remote control and can turn up or down. This is nice because she can get clitoral stimulation with your penis inside her. If you’re a person who comes too fast, which is one in four men, you want to last longer. Then I recommend another cock ring called the NOS from Fun Factory. That one only stimulates her, and she can use it hand-held on her clitoris while you’re penetrating her.
Or you can put it around your shaft, and she can get on top of you and grind and get your penis deep inside her. If you have the opposite problem where you’re too long for her, and she’s always worried you’re going to hurt her and constantly fretting about being hurt, use OHNUT. They’re little stanchions, little bump bonds. You slide it down to the base of your shaft, and she can go crazy on top of you, or you can penetrate her. You’re not going to go all the way in because you’ve got these little bump bonds. It still feels good. There are solutions for everything.
Thank you for enlightening us. This is the WeVibe wand. It’s like a magic wand. The new version of Gainswave is good for getting all the external vulva tissue full of blood. Do this on her labia and mons and also on her clitoris. This is an excellent massage tool. You can use it on her. She can use it herself.
You should encourage her to masturbate as many times a day or week as she wants because the more orgasm she has, the more orgasm she’ll have in all ways. It works that way. Some men are partnered with women who don’t understand their bodies and know how to have an orgasm.
It’s great that you encourage men to know about encouraging her.
The more you introduce all these things, the more you’re like, “Babe, I want you to masturbate.” I masturbate every day. Women don’t even know their husbands masturbate every day.
This is normal, and I want you to masturbate as much as possible. Let’s get you these toys. You tell me. Do you want to be alone? Do you like mutual masturbation? If you need private time, let’s get you as much as possible because we have to keep that vulva humming. We are going to have a great sex life.
This is fabulous. As we’re wrapping up, and anything else we need to know?
There are a million things you can know. Sex is an unlimited opportunity to learn how to be good and pleasure each other. The last thing I want to give you is my gift called Thrust in Time. It’s an intercourse technique that makes sure that she has an orgasm.
The way that it works, it’s an ancient Taoist practice that I’ve upgraded for the 21st century. It’s a penetration count of shallow strokes and deep strokes. I would call them short and long strokes. It’s on the count of ten.
You do nine shallow strokes and one deep stroke. Then you do eight shallow strokes and two deep strokes. Then, seven shallow strokes and three deep strokes. Then, six shallow strokes and four deep long delicious strokes. By the time you get to six and five, she has an orgasm. She needs variety and a bit and a lot of sensation.
It needs to be pulled away because your nervous system has a sympathetic and parasympathetic side. You need the best orgasmic techniques to toggle back and forth. They take you up and give you a beat to rest. When women get good at coming, they need more rest because they can come during the pauses and the simulations.
It’s the same with sexually-facile women. They do many different things. They’ll do intercourse and oral. Then they’ll go down on you and want you to go down on them. Then they’ll want some more intercourse. They’re flowing the whole time with whatever they want to do at the moment. They do a whole bunch of things in an intercourse section.
Women who are not as confident in their orgasmic ability and still learning the ropes as far as their techniques and comfort levels tend to want to do one thing for a while or only do one or two things.
Conclusion: couples think that everything leading up to intercourse is foreplay instead of let’s come the whole time doing everything.
We’ll have intercourse and a little laurel. We’ll do this and that. That gets her much more into the level of maximum pleasure than just “I’m going to do these things and then penetrate you and come and be done.”
I call it the “Squeeze boob and stick it in sex.” That’s crappy sex that does not help her achieve her orgasmic potential. When a guy is doing intercourse as he sees on porn, he’s stroking in and out and thinks he has to hammer away at her. There’s a time and a place for hard intercourse, but that’s porn and not what women want.
Women need that light, delicate teasing. Make her want more and give it to her and take it away. Give her light strokes. She gets to rest for a second, and when you provide it to her the next time. She’s like, “I’m over the edge.” Change it up. That does two things. The first is it helps her have an orgasm from intercourse. The second is it keeps you slowed down, so you don’t come too fast.
It gives you better stamina because you’re counting in your head. You won’t do ten, nine, one, eight for the rest of your life. We’re just setting a rhythm, so you’ve got muscle memory. You know how incredible muscle memory is. You can hit golf balls when you’re 35 and come back to it when you’re 60. You’re just setting that in with the rhythm. You’re teaching your body the rhythm, and soon you’ll not need the counts. You’ll know the shorts and the longs and sense when she needs them and what she needs.
But it will slow you down, and you won’t have stimulation on your penis because you’ll do these shallow strokes. The Thrust in Time technique has a lot of other things: sex positions, how to do it, and how to talk to her about it. You could show her the downloadable eBook at thrustintime.com, which will help you.
You could have a conversation and practice it. I think of all of the techniques because I wanted you to have the ability to know that penetration orgasms are a learned skill. All women can do them.
There are many things you don’t know about intercourse that you could learn to become better, and this is one of the very first techniques I want to give you that I think will be a big thing that changes your sex life. There’s plenty more of that.
That sounds delicious, delightful, and pleasurable. So helpful. Susan, this has been such a delight, honor, and pleasure to interview you and give all this information shared, needed, wanted, and received. Thanks, Nancy. I’m so glad that you help men with intimacy. People often don’t give men the information they need to be the man they want to be for them. We are aligned in our love for supporting men in their intimacy. Thank you for allowing me to talk about an orgasmic explosion.
