How To Have Safe Sex

Learn how to discuss safe sex with your partner. Beyond the safe sex talk: Communicating your emotional and physical boundaries. Click here.

How To Have Safe Sex

Decide to go exclusively with someone and then have intercourse. Because you can get STDs even with a condom.

When two people first start dating, what’s the best way to have a conversation about safe sex?

It’s imperative especially in these times when you hear scary news about drug-resistant STDs on the rise. It’s enough to make your stay in a sexless marriage.

But if you’re out there or starting a new relationship, it depends on the two individual people. There are different ways to handle it. Some couples find it very easy to speak with one another quite intimately right away.

There can be shame from past relationships. When your hormones are fired up and you’re excited to have sex with someone new, you often want to please them and be pleasing.

Having a conversation can be quite nerve-racking. It’s one of the most nerve-racking things even if you are a doctor or lawyer or 20, 30, or 40.

There are ways to handle it. Knowing that you both want to have sex can relax you and make it easier to start speaking about it.

I don’t know why in this modern age you couldn’t send an email. Do you have to have this conversation in person? I would tend to think that I would, but you can communicate about many things in writing that you might not be able to communicate in person.

The point is to have it truthfully and know that once you’ve had it and the fun begins, it’s imperative in this day and age to talk about safe sex.

My clients come out of long-term marriages often and back into the dating world.

They haven’t had that conversation ever.

It’s all-new territory and you can come at it in an honest, adult way, the best way you can. Come from where you are.

Then, once you’ve overcome this anxiety-provoking conversation, you get to talk about condoms.

Often these days, women say that men are leaving it to them. They are expected to not only understand condoms and condom-purchasing but also make purchases.

In my industry, I have a lot of experience with condoms. The biggest thing I find is that people aren’t taught how to choose condoms. They know they’re supposed to use condoms but the first experience they ever have with a condom is likely a free condom from a clinic, high school, or a bar. It’s not a high-quality condom nor is it a condom that necessarily fits them.

Their entire expectation with condoms is that they slip off, are too tight, or feel like a paper bag. They have no idea that it can be better. Pleasure should be the barometer for choosing condoms.

If you don’t enjoy your condom, you have not found the right condom for you. I have a lot of advice on my website about how to talk about your sexual history and boundaries with a possible sex partner.

Especially, for women, our boundaries change every time we make love with someone.

“Hey, we’re gonna go out afterward and I don’t want you to mess up my hair and makeup because we’re going to go to dinner,” or “You can trash me because we’re going to go for it.”

There are many things you can communicate with a potential partner. Understand your sexual boundaries and your safe sex plan.

For example, you may have a safe sex plan where you don’t have intercourse or oral, no fluid change beyond kissing with a partner until you’re exclusive. No lips and mouth. That’s a safe way to have many sex partners if you’re dating around before you decide to go exclusively with someone and then have intercourse. Because you can get STIs even with a condom.

That’s such an important part. It’s not just a conversation about “Do you have herpes?” or “Who was your last partner?” It’s a higher conversation around what pleases you and what makes you feel safe. When you open up to that entire conversation, it’s incredibly hot and very intimate.

If you’re watching and are confused about what to do because you want to have sex with people, and you don’t know how to do it, this panel has set it off. Safe sex is where it’s at. It’s imperative to have that conversation in today’s modern age, whether you’re 15 or 95. You have to have a safe sex conversation.

Lucky bloke has lots of options. Mars and Venus in the bedroom have lots of advice. These guys have great advice too. So check it out.