We’re here because we’re diva wives to multiple men, and that’s how I actually met you, Susan. Yeah, because you called me out of nowhere. I think my friend Kimmy knew you and you said, I have two husbands too. Yeah. And I said, no way. Get out. How long have you been polyamorous?
Talk
to us. Well, I don’t technically have two husbands. Mm-hmm. I have what I call a husband and a boyfriend. That’s nice. And um, so I’ve been married, I’m going on 34 years this year. To your first husband? To your actual husband? To my actual husband. Mm-hmm. And I have been in an, in some variation of open relationship for over 20 years with my husband.
Yes. And I’ve had a series of long-term relationships with other partners. Beautiful. The longest one was a nine year relationship. Okay. And my current boyfriend I’ve been with, we just celebrated our fourth [00:01:00] anniversary last week.
Isn’t that nice? Yeah. So when you called me, I said, this is so serendipitous.
Mm-hmm. Me being married 30 years, very 30 years. Same. Yeah. And then my. Boyfriend. Yeah. I mean, I consider him my husband. ’cause you saw us get married on TLC, honey, that counts. Right? That counted to me like it was real. No papers but real. And so I always tell everybody, they say, you don’t have papers with him.
I have a LLC with him. Mm-hmm. Is that papers? That’s papers. That’s papers. Yeah. So I’ve been with him for 10 years, Uhhuh. So I wanted to talk about today, like the fact that this is diva shit. Yeah. You know, we are leading an entirely new charge. Have you seen all the The girlies? Yes. The girlies are catching on.
Yes, they are. Because I say about polyamory that men have always had this right and secret privilege. It has been sort of beneath the surface. Yeah, but they were expected to have a mistress. Mistress Exactly. For how many years? For centuries. Yeah. So polyamory is really. Us women stepping up. Mm-hmm.
[00:02:00] Yeah.
Well, I feel like it works really well for me in my life. Mm-hmm. To have two men. Mm-hmm. I don’t know about you. Yes, I do. You’re a handful. I need a lot of attention.
And I say I need
fresh attention. I need a lot of attention too. I need a lot of attention. I need a lot of affection. Mm-hmm. Um, I need a lot of care taking.
Yes. Um, I, I grew up in a kind of a. Insecurely attached childhood. Sure. And my number one relationship value is security. Okay. And so if I can have two centuries at the gate, I feel more secure. There you go. Than if I just have one century at the
gate. But just think about security in general. I don’t believe the standard narrative that women want one man for security.
Mm-hmm. That’s not secure. Right. What if he should pass on tomorrow? Yeah. God forbid. Yeah. But security is community for me. Yeah. And that’s what I think of polyamory. It is community. It’s my community. I also like
this new term of relationship anarchy. Oh, I love that. And the reason that I like it is that what, what I’ve [00:03:00] understood it to be defined as is no matter what the configuration is in the group mm-hmm.
It’s the configuration that’s right. For all the people in the group. That’s right. And that definitely describes our poly configuration, which is also, you could describe our poly configuration as kitchen table poly. Nice. But do your men have other women? Yes.
Oh, we’re cut from the same cloth. I don’t want a man who doesn’t have other women.
I don’t either. I don’t have time. I know we’re both business women. We both have other things going on. I like them to have the thrill of the
hunt.
Thank
you. I like them to have other experiences that I like them to brag about me to their girlfriends. That’s, that’s right.
Call me mother. Call me the first wife.
But I, I really am liking the anarchy piece because it does tear down some of the Western social systems. Yeah. That caused monogamy to be so raggedy. Yeah. You understand Like hierarchy and all of the tit for tat and just it’s, it’s terrible. Mm-hmm. And I always say it’s not the people that are the problem in these [00:04:00] relationships.
Mm-hmm. It is the relationship systems. It is
the systems. I agree. And we
change the system. Yeah. I love this conversation. We have to go deeper sometime soon.
That sounds good to me. Oh, I wanted to say one more thing about being in a polyamorous relationship and that is that. My whole family knows about it.
Right. And they love my boyfriend and they love my husband. My daughter loves both my husband and my boyfriend. Yes. And one of the things that I like about it is that it’s such an expansive, loving family dynamic. Yes. When there are. A lot of people who love and support each other, like my husband and my boyfriend are best friends, right?
Mine as well. My daughter is happy to surf with my boyfriend and her daddy. Yes, yes.
But why is this so hard for people to understand? I know we both have daughters of similar age. My daughters. My daughter’s 25, 28.
Oh
yeah. Look at that. I know. We on the same baby making cycle. I know. We, we lot so, but our daughters like, they [00:05:00] benefited from having several males Yeah.
That they could find security with. Right, right. And I just think it’s such a benefit to have community rather than nuclear family. I was starving to death in nuclear family. Yeah. Did you ever try it?
Yes. Well, for the first 15 years of our marriage, I did. And um, the thing that’s interesting is that my husband is very much of an introvert.
Oh gosh. And he is into hi. Very deep things. Yes. Uh, spreadsheets, mine too. And tag mine. Mine too. He just wants to be left alone. That’s right. To do his things. And I’m all like, let’s go. I wanna go for a bike. Right. And that always happens. My boyfriend, he’s a recreational companion for me. Okay. Where we’ll be like, do you, do you wanna go with us baby?
He’ll be like, no, you guys go have a good time.
And he’s so happy. Be your husband’s like, go ahead honey. Bye. No, I’m excited to hear this. I really am. And that’s why I say I want to go deeper in these conversations. Yeah. We’re we’re, we [00:06:00] are learning about each other as our friendship develops. Yeah. But like this, I do love that is really good for everybody listening because they wanna know how this works.
Yeah. And we are proving that it
is possible. Yeah. And I also think that. Women now who are like, I’ll take the bear. Oh, instead of the man, or, I’d rather just be sovereign and not have to deal with men. Right? I love men. Yes. I want men in my life. Oh, I love men. I’m so glad that I have not one, but two men who love a.
Adore me, protect me, play with me, have fun with me, have sex with me. Yes. Have family celebrations together. To me it’s just additive. And when their girlfriends come along, yes. Nine times out of 10, it’s fantastic. I’ve had some difficult times with it. Okay. Yes. And I’ve learned a lot about myself and I’ve learned a lot about poly dynamics.
Yes. Um, it can always be perfect. You know, we learn the tools to weather the storms and there are always silver linings.
The girls who choose the bears, they’re doing [00:07:00] so because they’re choosing something different than this isolation of modern marriage. Yes, I would choose the bear too because I think isolation turns that man into a raging animal.
And the woman too, quite as kept.
Yeah.
So I want to continue this conversation, but we gotta close out. Uh, you all wanna know more, don’t you? We’ll see you again soon.
