Childbirth causes vaginal scarring in many women. The scars can also cause intercourse pain. Here’s a video with all my excellent recommendations to permanently heal vaginal scarring!
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My wife has a scar from childbirth on the bottom part of her yoni. Last night during sex, when we were doing the mermaid position you told us about, I could tell she was uncomfortable just by reading her body language.
During sex, she gave me the dreaded, “Can you finish up soon,” so I stopped and said, “Babe, I can tell this isn’t working for you.” The way we were making love was putting pressure on her scar and causing intercourse pain. I had no idea. I was trying to change things up and stimulate her G area with my penis. So I completely understood afterward when she explained to me that it was painful.
Any tips or ideas on how I can make it less painful for her?
Harry, I’m so glad you asked me. There are different kinds of scarring that can happen with childbirth, but the most common is the one that your wife has. When the baby’s head comes out of the vagina, at the vaginal canal – that small little opening in her vagina is the sphincter muscle. Often, that gets torn, and it usually rips at the bottom of her perineum.
Many doctors would do an episiotomy in the past, where they would cut the bottom of the sphincter to open it up so that the head could come out without ripping that tissue. Many women either have the tearing or have an episiotomy. Then they get something called a fistula, which is like a cyst. When it’s not sewn up correctly, it can have an empty area inside, which is very painful and may cause intercourse pain.
Sometimes, women have to have the fistula cut out and have that resewn again. You can prevent a lot of this before childbirth with a lot of vulva massage in that area to soften, stretch, open, and relax it, so it doesn’t tear. It sounds like this happened with your wife, and you can fix it for her.
If she has a fistula, she will need to get that taken care of by a doctor. But if it’s a matter of it being scar tissue that hurts, the best thing that you can do is a series of yoni massages.
I want you to get warm organic coconut oil, lay down a towel, and for a couple of nights a week, I want you to work on the scarring.
You have to get her body to become aware of the area. You have to bring blood. Engorge that tissue by rubbing and manipulating it. You’re going to start very slowly and go deeper. Over time, you will knead and shape it so that the nerve endings start knitting together again with all that incremental blood flow.
This also works if she has a Cesarean scar—the scar above her mons pubis… along the edge of the top of her pubic hair in her abdomen. That scar can also be very painful for women. Sometimes it can lead to a raised scar called a keloid.
There are two different things you can use for scars. I went to the drugstore, and this is the shelf at a local CVS. There are two choices you have. One is a scar cream. You can put that on top of her abdomen on that scar, but you can’t put that on her yoni. Don’t put that on the delicate tissue.
If she has a Cesarean scar, use it there. The other thing that works well is silicone sheets. That silicone sheet that you can lay on top of any kind of a keloid scar will reduce or lower the scarring. I had a lousy keloid from my Cesarean section.
Tim took his thumb with oil almost every night for a year or two. When we were lying in bed watching TV, he would put oil on it and take his thumb and rub back and forth on that scar and soothe it. The keloid scar was gone pretty soon, and I had no more pain and hypersensitivity. It’s healed; it’s knitted.
I’ve got full nerve responsiveness, no intercourse pain, and everything’s great. So if it’s hurting your wife, don’t do those positions. But everything should be beautifully healed so that it feels good to her. It’s all about bringing the blood, energy, heat, and healing there.
You’re touching her with healing, nurturing touch, and pretty soon, she won’t feel that. All she’ll feel is a sweet pleasure. Thank you for asking me such a great question because I know there are so many couples who aren’t having the kind of sex they could be having but for a beautiful simple massage experience. Alright, I love you. Thank you for writing to me. Have great sex. Bye.
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