How To Have The Safe Sex Talk

Here are 8 Safe Sex talk questions you can use to prevent unwanted sexually transmitted infections.

With more people having more sex with more partners, knowing how and when to have the “safe sex talk” is vital to preventing heartbreak and outbreaks.

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In this safe sex talk, we will cover:
1) any boundaries or issues you each have
2) the date and results of your most recent STD tests and
3) what kind of sex (protected, unprotected) you’ve had and with how many people since your last test
as well as
4) your safe sex practices

Please give this video a thumbs up right now to spread the word on how to have a Safe Sex Talk.

First, we will start with the HOW.

Just using a condom isn’t enough to protect you. There are 20 sex-related infections and STDs you can get, and many of them are not “contained” by a condom. I’ve put a link to this list in the notes below this video. Here are the 20 dangers you want to make sure you protect yourself from:

  • Bacterial Vaginosis
  • Chancroid
  • Chlamydia
  • Gonorrhea
  • Granuloma Inguinale
  • Hepatitis B
  • Herpes
  • HIV
  • HPV
  • Pubic Lice – also known as “crabs.”
  • Lyme Disease
  • Lymphogranuloma Venereum (LGV)
  • Molluscum
  • PIC Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
  • Scabies
  • Syphilis
  • Trichomoniasis
  • Urinary Tract Infection UTI – not an STI per se, but a bacterial infection often caused by sex
  • Vaginitis – not an STI per se, but maybe the outcome of another untreated STI
  • Zika
  • If you use other forms of birth control besides a condom (I recommend the non-medicated IUD or Intra-Uterine Device), it’s especially important to have current STD Test results to share because WOMEN ARE MORE SUSCEPTIBLE to STDs. Here’s why:

1. The vagina is a vulnerable mucous membrane which can give bacteria and viruses easy access.

2. Women naturally have discharge that cleans their vagina, which can mask an infection.

3. Women are less likely to show symptoms of gonorrhea and chlamydia. HPV is one of the main causes of cervical cancer and is very hard to detect unless you can visually see warts. And the ulcers that come from herpes and syphilis are harder to see in the folds of a vulva.

There are many different strains of HPV. Available vaccines protect against either two, four, or nine types of HPV. HPV 6 and 11 cause 90% of genital warts. Doctors recommend that all girls and boys get the HPV vaccine series at age 11 or 12 — though it’s possible to get the vaccine as early as age 9. HPV is checked for during a woman’s PAP exam. Apparently, men cannot be tested. So make sure your woman gets her PAP tests.

4. And finally, untreated STDs can lead to pelvic inflammatory diseases in women.

It’s also much harder for a woman to enjoy making love if she’s worried about catching something. So to relax and enjoy, start with the Safe Sex Talk.

Sometimes called a Safe Sex Discussion, Safe Sex Conversation, or Sexual History, there are important questions to ask any potential lover.

Here is a list of eight questions to discuss before you decide to exchange any body fluids with a potential sexual partner:

– When was the last time you had STD tests? Which tests did you have, and what were the results?

– What STDs do you have currently?

Herpes is the most common virus. Some people live in shame and exclude themselves from being sexual because of Herpes. At the other end of the spectrum, some people feel Herpes is so prevalent that they don’t consider it an STI.

When my boyfriend cheated on me in my 20’s by having unprotected sex with another woman, he gave me very painful herpes. I’ve learned to manage around the outbreaks, and in 26 years of marriage, my husband has never gotten them from me because I abstain when I have an outbreak.

I had to swallow many a lump in my throat when divulging my “secret” to past lovers. With repetition, it gets easier. Just like having the Safe Sex Talk gets easier.

It’s better to keep everyone safe and manage others’ risk profiles than keep herpes a secret.

Next, it’s good to ask:

– How many partners have you had sex with since your last tests? What were the results of your partner’s tests?

– Do you have sex with men, women, or both? What kind of protection do you use and how consistently?

– Have you had sex with sex workers, sex in equatorial countries, do you take drugs with needles, or have unprotected anal sex?

– What boundaries do you have around sex? What is off-limits for you?

Two more questions you might ask are:

1) What are your safer sex agreements with others, and
2) What does it mean to you if we are sexual?

xx

HOW TO HAVE THE SAFE SEX TALK

I’m Susan Bratton, and here are eight safe sex talk questions you can use to prevent unwanted STI’s.

With more people having more sex with multiple partners, knowing how and when to have the safe sex talk is vital to preventing heartbreak and outbreaks. 

Here’s how to have the safe sex talk and the eight questions you must discuss with a prospective partner. In this safe sex talk, we will cover:

#1 Your boundaries or issues

#2 The dates and results of your most recent STD tests

#3 Whether you’ve had protected or unprotected sex and with how many people since your last test 

#4 Your safe sex practices

There are 20 sex-related infections and STDs that you can contract, and many of them are not contained by a condom. They’re like rats jumping a ship. Here are the 20 dangers you need to protect yourself from: bacterial vaginosis, chancroid, chlamydia, gonorrhea, granuloma inguinale, hepatitis B, herpes, HIV, HPV, pubic lice also known as crabs, Lyme disease, lymphogranuloma venereum, LGV, molluscum, PID – pelvic inflammatory disease, scabies, syphilis, trickina myiasis, urinary tract infections (not an STI per se but a bacterial infection often caused by sex), vaginitis (not an STI but maybe the outcome of another untreated STI) and Zika. 

If you use other forms of birth control besides a condom, I recommend the non-medicated IUD or Intrauterine Device. It’s essential to have your STD tests updated as women are more susceptible to STDs. Here’s why. 

#1 The vagina is a vulnerable mucous membrane that can easily give access to bacteria and viruses. 

#2 Women naturally have discharge that cleans their vagina, which can look like an infection or mask and infection. 

#3 Women are less likely to show symptoms of gonorrhea and chlamydia, and HPV is one of the main causes of cervical cancer. It’s tough to detect unless you can visually see warts. The ulcers that come from herpes and syphilis are harder to see in the folds of a vulva. 

#4 Untreated STDs can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease in women. It’s also much harder for a woman to enjoy making love if she’s worried about catching something. 

Start your lovemaking with a safe sex talk. These are the important questions to ask any potential lover. Here’s a list of questions to ask before deciding to exchange bodily fluids with a potential sexual partner. 

#1 When was the last time you had STD tests? Which test did you have, and what were the results? What STDs do you currently have? Herpes is the most common virus, and some people live in shame and exclude themselves from being sexual because of herpes. At the other end of the spectrum, some people feel herpes is so prevalent they don’t even consider it an STI. When my boyfriend cheated on me in my 20s by having unprotected sex with another, he gave me very painful herpes. 

Now I’ve learned to manage the outbreaks, and in 26 years of marriage, my husband has never contracted them from me because I abstain, and I can tell when I’m having an outbreak. I’ve had to swallow many a lump in my throat when divulging my secret to past lovers, but with repetition and practice, it gets easier, just like having the safe sex talk gets easier. 

If your lover returns with test results showing positive for herpes, they can take Acyclovir, a generic viral inhibitor. With 400 milligram doses daily, you can suppress the virus. However, antivirals can have side effects, so the best thing to do if you have an outbreak is abstaining from contact and protecting your partner. However, herpes can be active and undetected, so if you’re unsure, you can increase your chances of staying uninfected with the suppression strategy, or you can have conversations about what’s going on with you. It’s not a perfect situation. 

Many couples have been fluid-bonded and have wet, unprotected sex for 10, 20, or 30 years without giving their partner herpes. If you have herpes, I want to say it’s common. The worst that can happen is a prospective partner refuses to be intimate with you when you tell them you have the virus. It’s better to keep everybody safe and manage everyone’s risk profiles than keep herpes a secret. That’s why you have a safe sex talk. Once your prospective partner answers these questions, you can get a good sense of their level of integrity, their safety, and whether or not there’s any risk associated with contact. But be warned, in a study in Communication Quarterly, 20% intentionally misrepresented their sexual history to their sexual partners. 

Next, it’s good to ask how many partners have you had sex with since your last tests. What were your partner’s test results, and do you have sex with men, women, or both? What kind of protection do you use and how consistently? Depending on who you’re interacting with, you could also ask, “Have you had sex with sex workers or had sex in equatorial countries? Do you take drugs with needles? Do you have unprotected anal sex with homosexuals? You can’t judge what people do behind closed doors. However, asking questions gives you a chance to uncover some things. 

Another excellent question is what boundaries do you have around sex? What’s off-limits for you? You should be able to answer all these questions for your partner as well. Don’t forget to take care of your heart, emotional, and spiritual body to keep yourself safe, too. 

It’s essential to understand how many partners a potential lover has and their existing safe sex agreements. For one person, sex with you might be a booty call or a one-night stand, or the beginning of a long-term relationship. You won’t know unless you ask. Getting on the same page emotionally about the meaning of sex with a new partner can prevent future upset, confusion, and heartbreak. Responsible non-monogamy can be as safe as serial monogamy if you and your partners have these safe sex conversations, practice safe sex, and keep your tests current. 

Don’t forget to look at your partner’s genitals and the rest of their body. A herpes outbreak does not often occur only in the mouths of the genitals. That pimple on your boyfriend’s butt could be herpes, and it can spread without a visual outbreak. 

I know all this stuff is yucky, but you have to be an adult, get informed, get tested, and have a sexual history conversation with every partner you consider making love. If you want to have sex with someone and who haven’t gotten themselves tested, a safe thing to do is to stick to mutual masturbation, kissing, and using your hands on each other. That’s a lot safer because the minute you put your mouth on their genitals or have genital-to-genital contact without current STD tests and a sexual history conversation, you’re putting yourself at significant risk of contracting STIs. You can get a lover off very well with just your magical fingers and kissing. Start there and then get tested before proceeding further. 

I love you, and I want you to be safe, so spread the word about taking a sexual history and the importance of regular STD testing.

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