Welcome to the kinky episode of healthy sex toys for couples. I am joined by Amy Baldwin and April Lampert of the Shameless Sex Podcast (www.shamelesssex.com). We wanted to talk to you about couples’ play that includes bondage, power play, sensation play, BDSM kink, domination, ravishing your partner, and taking control.
Welcome to the kinky episode of healthy sex toys for couples. I am with Amy Baldwin, sex educator and co-creator of the Shameless Sex Podcast, and April Lampert, host of the Shameless Sex podcast and VP of Hot Octopuss. We want to talk to you about couples play that includes bondage, power play, sensation play, BDSM kink, domination, ravishing your partner, and taking control.
Women tell me they wish their partner took more control in the bedroom. But guys have been conditioned to worry about coming on too strong or taking advantage.
When you roleplay domination, and you tie your girl up or blindfold her, it permits you to go that little extra step in dominating or ravishing her so that she can surrender to her pleasure. If you’re a woman watching this, you’re like, “Where can I get that stuff immediately,” because I enjoy my lover tying me up.
I love sensation play because when we take away one of the senses, it heightens the rest of the senses. When I take away my vision, and you touch my skin, I feel more. That’s why we love blindfolds.
We have two different sides. It says “Shhh” on one side, telling you to quiet down, be quiet and surrender to me. On the other hand, we know what’s coming next. It says, “I want to get that in the middle, and I don’t want to mess up your beautiful face today.” I love these silky sex toys for couples.
You can also use this as a wrist restraint as well. There are other wrist restraints out there too. For instance, this one is made from silicone.
If you have lube, it can get a little stained. This will heat up to your body temperature. You could put it on behind or in front of you. You are taking away that sensation of not being able to use your hands. I love these because they don’t pinch your skin.
They’re easy to get into, but they’re hard to get out. When I put myself in here, it’s comfortable. I can stretch, move, and wiggle. I can put these restraints on my lover, and there’s no pinched skin and pain. It feels like my lover is holding me, and I can’t go anywhere. They can take complete control.
Women want to be overwhelmed in their senses. We want to be held down and pinned. We want to have our hair held tightly, or our wrists pinned down. It gives us a sense of safety and comfort, especially if you’re confident as our partner. We feel like you have us. We can get right out of these things any time. So, it’s about that feeling of being held down and tight. It’s similar to swaddling a baby.
Certain things are very comforting about being pressed down on or being in a constrained environment that allows you to focus on other things. Can you get out of the blindfold, or do you need some help? Some people are in their sexual state. They’re either visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. You’re one of those three in your theta brainwave state, which is when you go into that trance state of sensual surrender where you are one with your partner, the world falls away, and it’s just the two of you interacting with each other. That moment is excellent.
I’m very kinesthetic in my sexual times, and visual things distract me. Often I close my eyes to feel more sensation, so I like to be made love blindfolded. It’s a gift for me to be given a blindfold or be blindfolded. It’s okay for me not to see anything to immerse myself fully in my pleasure. That’s what I like about being blindfolded. How about you?
I love that, and I love the act of being blindfolded a lot. I love having someone gently drape the blindfold around my face.
It can become a loving art that they adore me in this way. It is about being taken care of and ravished by my partner. I crave that, and there are subtle ways that we can do that. My partner smells wonderful, and I can hear different things. I can listen to his breath, focus on my pleasure, and get a tingle down under without even seeing him. That’s what I love about being blindfolded.
This is called a flogger, and it also has a little rabbit fur on end. You would think, “Oh my gosh! This is too intimidating. I don’t want to get spanked, beaten, or flogged.” Sometimes they call this a cat-o’-nine-tails. These are leather, but they can be light.
There is erectile tissue in your derriere and around your legs outside your vulva. Some women also like tickling on their vulva. Tapping is nice.
It wakes up the tissue and the proprioceptive cells in your body that increase your sensual feelings all over your body because you’re tap-tap-tapping. You’re bringing blood to enliven that tissue. That sensation spreads down into your genitals, and it turns on your genitals because you’re getting more blood flow to the whole area.
Also, I can think of the most important thing about any sensation: play on your butt with floggers and paddles. Is there a category name? A fetish. You want to start small and work your way up. You always want to give your nervous system a break.
So, you want a tap, tap, break, and you want something soft and squishy. Then you want to go harder. But you never want to flick and sting the skin unless your partner likes that much sensation. This is a real gentle awakening of the proprioceptive cells in her body.
She can take a pretty strong beating after a warm-up, a spanking. Many times the best thing you can do is say, “Do you want some more? Do you want a little harder?” But always smoothen, rest, and touch her skin as you go. Give her a break. You’re stair-stepping the sensation a little and taking a break a little. She will get turned on, and it takes her into her body and allows her to surrender completely. Get her drooling and moaning from those things.
Often men or partners stop too soon before she’s gotten to total surrender with sensational play. I like the soft touch and the reward after the buildups. It’s like a bit of rabbit bunny of fluff. Poor little bunny! It does feel so lovely on the skin.
One thing I wanted to comment on was long-term relationships. Often people forget to touch the whole body. The body has all these senses that crave to be touched. Little tools like the softness of the fur and a trickle of the whip can feel excellent in places that don’t usually get touched.
The general thinking about the difference between the masculine and the feminine is that the masculine likes their genitals touched straight away. A calm grounding hand on the penis is lovely right off the bat in a sex play with a male body partner. But a female body partner wants everything: touch, feet. Hair stroked, neck kissed, arms, breasts. So the more that you can roll your hands all over a woman’s body, the more likely she will have fantastic orgasmic experiences. This is so good. I introduced this product to her yesterday too, and I was like, “It’s the best.”
You have to get one if you don’t have one. I’m vanilla when it comes to experiences in the bedroom and fetish. It almost freaks me out a bit. But this minor system over here is called the “Under The Bed” restraint system.
There are two sets of restraints. One is for your wrists, and the other is for your ankles. When you put these down, they’re connected underneath the mattress. They rest on your bed, and the weight of the mattress holds it into place. Then when you’re ready, you strap in. It’s the best element of excitement and surprise when either I am tied up, and my partner will tease me with sex toys for couples, or the flogger, caressing me. But it takes away my ability, just like the silicone restraints, to do anything other than flail around.
I love my lover penetrating me when I’m in the restraint system. When you finish, it’s great because you put them back underneath the mattress, and then no one is the wiser about what you’re doing. So we’re very sneaky with our sexuality. Don’t miss our sex swing video too. These will fit almost any mattress. So you could have them in a hotel room if you wanted to for a weekend away or all the time. So I recommend these.
Now you like something called “hogtied,” and I want you to describe this.
With hog-tying, you need something closer to this. You could get this to be at its most minor level. I have a hog-tie system that I use personally. Hog-tying sounds scary, but it’s hot because my lover usually binds my wrists and feet behind my back. Then there’s a connective piece between the two parts, and your partner can grab hold of that.
And while you’re banging it out, as I like to say in the doggy style, you’re feeling that excellent control factor, and you’re almost submitting to your partner. They’re in total control, and you could add the blindfold. You could add a flogger, and you can add a whole kink to your date night. It’s so fun, and it’s a change-up. Like Amy was saying, long relationships can get stale sometimes in the bedroom. You want to add a little extra spice. It’s like dessert.
You could bust out the whipped cream, too, if you want. I recently wrote a book called Dirty Talk, and it’s about how to talk dirty without feeling weird, different ways women like dirty talk in the bedroom, ways that you can appreciate your partner, and very dominating ways to talk dirty.
I will give you a whole panoply of dirty talk ideas and strategies, and I’ll put a link to that below this video so you can download it for free as a gift. We like to call it sexy talk many times because dirty sex will be nasty. Dirty talk never sounds so good. Comment below if there’s anything that you like to do that we’ve forgotten. We want to hear from you because we can’t think of everything and we love your ideas.
Don’t forget while you’re down there to subscribe to the video. I’m Susan Bratton, trusted hot sex adviser to millions, and we’ll see you on the other side.