Your Best Life with Chuck Hogan

In this video, Chuck Hogan hosts intimacy expert Susan Bratton, who discusses the six essentials for connected sex from her book “Sexual Soulmate.” Susan emphasizes transforming foreplay and sex into passionate lovemaking to enhance intimacy and overall well-being. She explains how a healthy libido is an indicator of overall health and the importance of continuous learning and open communication in relationships. The conversation also highlights the synergy between intimacy, personal vitality, and professional success.

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Full transcript

Chuck: Good morning, everyone. How’s everyone feeling out there on this gorgeous and beautiful day? In fact, we’re their domain. She is the woman who is literally the intimacy, intimacy expert to millions and millions and millions and millions of people. She’s a bestselling author. She is like the maven of mystery.

She is like the siren of sensuality. This woman. It, when you get to meet Susan Bratton, it shifts your life. Like we had her in San Diego and I got to tell you, whoo, she made impact on a whole lot of people. And so I’m going to shut up now. Cause she’s the expert that’s going to help walk us through the six essentials of connected sex.

And this is from her bestselling book, sexual soulmate. So Susan, thank you, my friend, for joining us at 0, dark 30 Southern California time. You are a blessing and your radiance and the spring colors. You’re killing me, girl. You look amazing.

Susan: Thank you, Chuck. It’s so good to see you again and dance to your music and hello YBL people.

It’s wonderful to spend this morning with you. Yeah, when Chuck asked me back, it was my pleasure to say an immediate yes because I had so much fun in San Diego with you all together. One of the things I really appreciated was your curiosity and your inquis inquisitiveness Pretty much the entire weekend that I spent with you you all came up and asked me so many good questions.

And one of the things that I love about YBL and your ethos is the idea of continued learning the idea that the. Hey, I don’t know everything. Tell me what I need to know. Let’s get an expert in here and learn. So thank you for showing up in this particular event and wanting to learn more about your intimate connection.

Because like Chuck said, there are very few things in that pantheon of what makes life really extra rewarding. The love of family and friends, great. Food, healthy movement, music, and art. Your faith and your intimate connection, your pleasure. And too often we end up doing all those other things when what we’re really craving is the nutrition of beautiful intimacy.

The way that it feeds us, it fuels our passion. You know, there’s so many things in sexuality where It’s two sides of the same coin, like your, the passion and the vitality that you get from your sexuality can fuel the passion and vitality for your career and for your hobbies and for your life and your other connections.

There’s just something about it that is so powerful. Kind of energizing and uplifting when you have great intimacy. The other one that I, that comes to my mind is one that is your health and your libido. You, when people say to me, My libido is low. The very first thing I ask them is, how is your overall health?

How’s your health? Because your libido is an indicator. It’s like a direct measurement of your overall health and often when couples say, you know, our intimacy went away, a big part of it was that someone had an illness and then it prevented you from being intimate. And then you never bridge that gap again, because we have in our mind that sex means intercourse.

And one of the constructs that we’ve kind of inherited, that I’d like you to let go of today, is this notion of foreplay and sex. And the re and a lot of what I’m going to talk about today is how to transform your foreplay and sex strategy. into a passionate lovemaking strategy. One of the things that I like to say is that I have a brand of sex that I teach.

You know, for a couple of decades now, I’ve been teaching heart connected, conscious, passionate lovemaking. The kind of sex that fuels you. I like to say I transform friction, rubbing the genitals together to get an effect. Into connection, which is a salve to our soul in a stressful society. So, heart connected.

Really bringing your heart. It took me about 50 years of living to learn how to really love, how to really open my heart. If you come from any kind of a childhood or past experiences where you’ve had abandonment, betrayal, insecurity, lack of safety, which a lot of us have. It is very hard to open your heart and trust.

So learning how to love is a skill, and the way to do it is to love. You actually feel more feelings of love by loving. than even receiving love. And so getting up every day and loving everyone, the woman in the grocery store line, the people that you work with, everyone, really actually spills over into your ability to love your lover.

The so that’s the heart connected the conscious is and and we’re going to talk about the six essentials for connected sex today that’s from sexual soulmates the six essentials for connected sex and by the way you can get the book on amazon i sent chuck a copy but you can also download it for free in a pdf form at sexual soulmate book.

com So you’re welcome to just go grab that and print it out. It’s not a big book. I like little books. I’ve written 44 little books because I like little hinges that swing big doors, easy things that have a big effect. And that’s what I’m going to talk to you about today. The six essentials for connected sex.

Because what in my years of teaching, Pleasuring skills, communication skills, and intimate health and wellness. I realized that I could put everything I’ve ever learned and taught about sex, good sex, intimate sex, pleasurable, intimate, confident, comfortable, warm, loving sex into these six essentials. So I’m going to go through them with you today.

But going back to this heart connected, conscious, passionate lovemaking, The conscious piece is presence, and that’s the first essential for connected sex. And by the way, as we go, if you have a question, feel free to interrupt me and ask. I love to take them on the fly and clarify things or hear what you want to add to what I have to say or share something of your own.

So I can talk for 45 minutes straight about the six essentials of connected sex, but I’d love to hear from you as well. So I know Chuck will be watching out for that. So the conscious piece I really talk about as presence. The six essentials are presence. Creating lover space, something I call my sexual soulmate pact, which I’m going to teach you today.

How to bring polarity into your relationship. Embodied sexuality and erotic playdates. And I’m going to go through each one of those. And as we go, I’m going to also give you additional resources to grab. So that you, you’re like, okay, exactly what did she, how did she say to do that? You don’t want to go listen to the video again or read the transcript.

I’ve got it written down in a technique. So I’m going to be dropping some techniques for you as well. So. The Heart Connected Conscious Passionate Lovemaking, the conscious piece is showing up and getting out of the stress and into your, your body and your heart connection and really being there for yourself, listening to yourself and for your partner.

And then the passionate is this idea that I want your sex life to just be really a turn on. I want you to be turned on. I want you to be like, I can’t wait to see you. Oh, I love to be with you. I am counting down the minutes till we’re together. I find you so sexy and so satisfying and so delicious and so dreamy.

That’s That’s passion. And you have to bring it, like you have to bring it to all parts of your life. And then the lovemaking goes back to, and I’ll close the loop on that, this difference between we have foreplay and then we have sex. And sex means intercourse, which don’t get me wrong, I love intercourse.

Since I learned how to have orgasms pretty much the whole time I’m having intercourse, about 20 years ago, just almost exactly 20 years ago now, it has changed my life. And the thing that I’ve learned about orgasm and what got me into being a sexpert that teaches you how to have orgasms. Big part of what I do is that so many people aren’t living up to their orgasmic capacity.

Almost no one is. We have a massive orgasmic capacity. And every single kind of orgasm, and there are 20 or 21 now, because I always have a wild card. One, I always hold out that there’s more. I’m always learning about new ones. They’re all learned skills, every single one. So if you decide, Oh, this year I’m going to put my mastery, my 10, 000 hours into learning 20 kinds of orgasms.

Because the more you expand your body with pleasure, the more you have great sex, the longer you live, the younger you look, the happier you are. Great sex, and I don’t just mean intercourse, I’m really trying to get you out of that to expand what lovemaking is. Lovemaking is holding and being held, learning touch techniques, the art of lovemaking.

of kissing, the art of oral pleasuring, of course intercourse as well and anal pleasuring, which it took me till in my 60s to really learn how delicious that actually is when you know what you’re doing. And that’s what sex really is. It’s a series of learned skills that no one taught you. No one’s job was to teach you.

Your parents did not fail you. They knew less than you do. It’s a different world now, and we have access to this information due to the generosity of organizations like YBL that bring people like me in to really share the secrets that get censored in our culture. And What I think is very important is to think about yourself as a good lover.

You know, my brand is Better Lover. That is adding and incrementing your skills all the time. And the sixth essential to connected sex that I mentioned, erotic playdates, is about that. So we’re going to end with that, but let’s start with a little more presence. So what happens, especially with all you type A overachievers, and I can relate because I am one, is that you are so darn driven and you have your mind on so many things that you want to accomplish that you have a hard time getting out of your head and into your body.

You put yourself under a lot of stress in the world of achievement because you can and you can handle it. But what it does is it takes a toll on your ability to just surrender to pleasure and relax when that time comes. To even make room in your schedule for it. And some people in my business recommend scheduling sex and I’m like I don’t think that’s really going to work.

That sounds really nice. If you already have a great sex life, that’s pretty easy, or you have a new partner. But what if you have a partner that you’ve been with for a few decades and you guys are busy and you’re raising your kids or you’re running a business or whatever you’re doing? Scheduling sex gets harder and harder, especially when you think about it as foreplay and intercourse.

It kind of becomes rote, and you’re following this path that actually someone told you, that you did not actually learn yourself, that is doing a disservice to your sex life, because you’ve completely lost the experimentation and the ability to learn new things. You’re really going through the motions.

So presence, the very first part of having this experience of co creating sexual soul matery. And you can do this whether you’ve been, whether it’s a brand new lover, Or it’s someone you’ve been with for years and years and years. You can have multiple sexual renaissance in your life and in your relationship.

You can keep coming back to expansion and opening and learning and trying. So one of the things that I like to talk about is that You know, I am a, I am supportive of the gender spectrum and the way that younger people now generally are showing up in the world. But my market, my customers, my followers are almost all heterosexual, monogamous, pair bonded, man woman people.

And so generally I just speak to that person in that couple, and invite anyone who isn’t in that paradigm to take in everything I have to say and apply it as needed. It just works well that way for simplicity’s sake in the, in the universe today. So as a man, you are testosterone dominant. It is full speed ahead.

You are goal oriented. If bullseye, you’re shooting for the center and you’re going to make it. It might take you a few tries, but you’re going to get there. As a woman, you are estrogen dominant. If you walk in the world as a man, you walk in the world safely. If you walk in the world as a woman, you do not.

The masculine is the prey and the feminine the predator and the feminine is the prey. Unfortunately. I’m not saying it’s always like that everywhere, but you have to get into a woman’s world as a man and understand that she has safety and security concerns and that estrogen, which is her dominant hormone, is really good at making her a multitasker.

Because she has to keep her eye on everything. She’s got a highly developed reticular activation system. She’s got her eye on everything. And so it’s particularly hard for her to surrender to pleasure in the moment. It takes her a while to get into it. And one of the best things to understand that is that that also impacts a woman’s body image.

Estrogen is a judgy hormone. And what it does is it makes you Think you judge everything, including yourself, and you judge things more harshly, including yourself. And so you think you have to show up as perfect when you’re naked. And you don’t. You’re perfect just the way you are. And it’s likely that your partner thinks you are absolutely gorgeous, and that’s why they chose you.

They like the way you look. And so, one of the things about presence is, for the masculine, because he’s so goal oriented, his job is mostly to get out of his head and stop strategizing. I’ve got to push these buttons. I’ve got to turn these dials. I’ve got to make her have pleasure because ultimately he wants to do a great job, give you incredible pleasure and be the winner.

Be respected for a great job. Whereas the female bodied person, you are struggling, you’re critical, you’re thinking, you’ve got to get out of your head. And you’ve got to get into your body and you’ve got to be able to feel the pleasure. You’ve got to allow yourself to feel the pleasure. So both of you struggle with this.

You struggle with settling into it. You struggle with the getting started. You struggle with what we call in California, dropping in to this container of love. And the best thing that I can offer you for bringing presence to And allowing yourselves to just have the interplay of desire. Allowing yourselves to see where lovemaking will take you.

Never having a prescripted plan. You can have loose plans. Hey, I’d like to try that toy or that position or I’d like to, you know, wear this sexy outfit for you or whatever. And then when you get there, if that’s not what you feel like doing. Do what you feel like doing because both of you every day Show up with how much sugar did you eat?

How much booze did you drink? How much sleep did you grab? How much stress were you under? Who annoyed the crap out of you today? You know all those things you bring them in you got to let them go and you have to come together so I start off recommending something I call my, my soulmate embrace and the soulmate embrace helps with one of those other things that we, that I mentioned as the six essentials, which is polarity, the, the tension, the pleasure, the difference, the between what the masculine and the feminine brings into the bedroom.

And the soulmate embrace is essentially, you, you can wear. Pajamas or cotton, cotton pajamas or a, you know, like a, whatever, something to cover your body because you’re going to be lying together for a minute. It, it, it, so you don’t get sweaty or scratchy or what have you. Nightgown, put a sheet between you, a blanket on, whatever you want to do.

He lies down and she nestles in his arm. Sometimes I like a pillow on top of the arm here so that my head is closer to your head. And then I want you to, I want to lie side by side with you and I want you to wrap your arm around me and wrap your other arm around me and I want, we don’t have to even be facing each other, I just want you to pull me close.

I want you to pull me close and I want you to hold me and I want you to just, and stroke my body like a kitty cat from the top to the bottom. Just stroke me, stroke my hair, stroke my back, stroke my lower back, stroke my side, stroke my thigh. I want you to calm this nervous, skittery horse that I am with all my estrogen.

Because the cougars come after me. They’re the testosterone. So you have to get me calm so I can remember how much I love you and how much I want to connect with you. You’ll notice that sometimes what I have to do is I have to get things off my chest. And you’re just there to hold space for allowing me to speak.

You’re not here to fix those problems. You’re just here to listen. Just I, I hear you. Yeah, that stuff was messed up. Aw, baby, I’m sorry. Pull me closer. And then once I get through that kind of letting go and speaking out, whatever my frustrations are, then suddenly I notice that maybe some tears come to my eyes.

My mouth begins to water. This is the letting down. It’s very similar to the way mother’s nurse, when we can feel the milk flow into our breasts as we let down and relax with our baby. It’s a, it’s a, it’s prolactin. It’s a, it’s a hormone. As I begin to relax, my vagina begins to lubricate. I begin to have blood flow into the relaxation parts of my body.

And then you can hold me a little tighter. I might want you to kiss my cheeks, my eyelids, my eyebrows, my neck. I might want you to stroke me some more. And pretty soon, I’m going to want you to kiss me. And then I’m going to want to feel your tongue in my mouth. And all of a sudden I’m going to remember what it is I love about being intimate with you.

And from there, I’m going to say, you know what I feel like doing today? What do you want, baby? I want to give you whatever you want. What sounds fun? Or you could say, I’ve got a couple of ideas for us today. One of the things I was thinking we do is I could give you a yoni massage, which is a genital manual pleasuring massage.

Let’s practice that again. Or I was thinking it might be good if I just rub your feet for a few minutes and then we try some more kissing. Or I had an idea of a sex position. I was thinking about maybe having sex on the dining room table today. Or I was thinking about maybe doing 69. What do you think about that?

How’s your energy level? And she’ll pick what she wants or give you the ideas of what’s on her mind, but running her menus of small, medium, and large, things that are brand new, things that are old standards, things that are really easy, like, I think I still need a foot rub, or I need you to rub some pain cream into my neck before we do anything.

It’s still aching me. Okay, babe, let’s start there. What that allows you to do is to really begin to just Touch each other and open to the intimate channel between the two of you and I probably should have so I wanted to tell you that the soulmate embrace It’s at soulmateembrace. com and there are even more steps in it that I can give you so that you know exactly what to do as you go.

So let’s move on to setting the lover’s space. And you know, I should reorder these because I would start with setting the lover’s space. And setting the lover’s space is particularly important to people who are kinesthetic, highly sensitive. ADHD anyone neurodivergent those kinds of people especially really need the set and setting to be comfortable for them.

And that can mean any number of things, but it often means, I need a stack of clean fluffy I need a cover over the bed like a liberator. fascinator or something like that to cover the bed so I can just throw it off on the floor when I’m done and I won’t get anything on my bed. I want a pitcher of water and a couple of glasses.

I want my favorite, my favorite lubricants. I want some toys. I want the right music. Ooh, what music are you, you know, do you feel like today? Chuck would be great for, we gotta get Chuck’s playlists for this. He’s got, I’m sure he’s got some sexy playlists. What’s the light like? Are you light sensitive?

Do you like it light or do you like it dark? Do you like candlelight? What’s the temperature where you’re comfortable? Not too cold, not too hot. That’s always a challenge for the masculine and feminine to find the temperature you can both stand. I’m too hot. I’m freezing. So finding that, getting that all set up.

So that when you do lie down for the soulmate embrace, all of a sudden everything can flow from there. You don’t have to run around. You’ve got your fingernails trimmed. You’re freshly showered. You’re freshly groomed because what a woman will say when I ask her what she wants from a man, what she wants from him.

Number one is good grooming guys. Let that go a little bit sometimes. And grooming is very important. So show up ready. And number two, what she wants is emotional connection, which is another word for presence. She wants to remember her love for you and to feel that love. So setting the lover space is very important.

And then having something I call the sexual soulmate Act like an agreement and I’ll cover this briefly because you can download this as well at sexual soulmate act dot com And essentially what it does is it teaches you to how to have a very honest easy comfortable, free flowing dialogue during lovemaking.

You can ask for anything that you need, you can talk about stuff that’s turning you on, you can let him or her know that’s too hard or that’s too soft, or you know what, I’m done now and I need to take a rest, or I don’t like that, let’s try something new, or oh, I just got a better idea. And neither of you are going to have your world rocked like you did anything wrong because you know that we’re just using the sense.

Enteroception. When you talk about embodied sexuality, which is also one of the six essentials to connected sex, a part of your sensuality is using your senses. So looking in each other’s eyes, kissing, talking to each other, listening to each other moan, telling each other sexy stories, giving each other encouragement, appreciation, letting your lover know when they’re doing an incredible job.

Oh my god, that feels so good. Please don’t stop moaning and moaning and moaning louder and louder. Those kinds of things are the kind of biofeedback that we need and often We’re very quiet during our lovemaking. There’s kids in the house, you know, we, we learned as children when we’re, we were self pleasuring that, you know, we can’t let anyone hear.

And so we carry that over into our adult lives. And we are grown up people now, and you’re allowed to make all the noise you want and have all the appreciation and encouragement that you can give your lover. Because your senses include hearing and speaking and this interoception, which is Not intuition, it’s I can tell what’s going on in my body, just like when you’re like, Oh, I’m bloated and gassy.

I hope I don’t fart. You know, that’s interoception. That’s like, Ooh, that’s not good. There’s the interoception of that feels great. I wish she’d gripped me harder. I wish she’d spend more time on the tip instead of the shaft. I wish she would play with my balls. I wish she would be lighter on my breasts or harder on my breasts or squeeze them or do more up on the sternum and the collarbone too.

Oh, I wish he would really squeeze my belly or my buns for me or gosh, my neck is still hurting me so much. I need him to do I’m going to give you five more minutes before I can really get everything moving. Like I’m still so stiff. I’m not, I’m not moving yet. I’m just like stiff. I need to get moving, you know, whatever it is, when you can ask for it, when you have this agreement, where everything that you say is on the table and that your lover is hungry for it and there’s no such thing as failure.

It’s only feedback and you want the feedback because it doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job. How can you know every day is a different day with both of us? So let’s just get started. say the things that we need to say and there’s a trick with the soulmate pact and that is that when you enter the sexual soulmate pact one of the things that you realize is that it’s much better if you blurt things out and don’t say would you please go lighter would you please get off my hair or whatever it is you don’t use your manners in the bedroom it’s okay if you do but you don’t need to because what actually happens is that you get out of your That you get out of your theta mind state, which is the state of meditation, of prayer, of orgasm.

It’s an exalted state. And you get into your beta state, and your beta brainwave state is your efficient executive function. And you don’t want to be in your executive function when you’re making love. You want to be in your theta state where you are like thanking God you feel so good. So that I think is a very important part of it, but it’s okay to acknowledge if what you want to say is thank you, baby.

That’s an acknowledgment. That’s not manners. That doesn’t take your Bay to state. That can keep you in Theta. The thanking. Okay, I got it. How is this? Is this better? The acknowledgment can be in the flow. So the sexual soulmate pact is like the foundation. Don’t come to me to learn sex techniques till you have mastered that because I can give you all the sex techniques in the world but if you’re a lover and say I anything they need to say to you, then you’re not ready, young grasshopper, for my hot sex techniques.

Right? So learn that. Print it out. SexualSoulMatePact. com. Memorize it. Create the agreement. with every partner you ever have for the rest of your life that you want to hear everything they have to say including their moans, their dirty talk, their fantasies, their appreciations, their noticings, and what they love the most after your lovemaking date which is called sharing favorite frames.

Now polarity is a very very very lovely part of lovemaking and the interesting thing about polarity is that most Couples, generally in our culture. Start out with he’s the one kind of driving, driving the game, you know, creating the container, making the offers, and she’s the one who is receiving the offers and choosing the offers.

She is the one who is receiving the pleasure as he gives the pleasure. That’s a great place to start, but that’s your 1. 0. What I want you to know is that you can go for a time where everything that really is that kind of makes sex hot is the interplay and the surprise and excitement of getting out of the performative, getting out of what you’ve seen.

This is why I don’t recommend porn. I think porn is someone else’s strategy. forgetting you to do what they want to do, which is come back and watch more porn. They don’t want to teach you actually how to have hot sex. If you were having hot sex, the last thing you want to do is watch porn because your sex is so much better.

And when you spend a lot of time being informed by pornography, the problem is that then you’re having performative sex because that’s all camera angles and that’s all masculine domination and the woman is secondary and it’s not focused on sex. Mutual pleasure. It’s not focus. It’s strategy. It’s not presence.

It’s friction, not connection. It’s performance. And what you want is to be able to go wherever your body, your mind, your abilities and your sexual maturation, your confidence, your desire take you in the moment. That’s presence and conscious connection. That’s no one else’s any control over my sex life.

I’m a sovereign being connecting my heart to another sovereign being and we’re deciding what will be pleasurable in the moment. And when we have that interplay where I don’t know where your pleasure and orgasm starts and mine ends, where my orgasms are giving you full body energy orgasms, where I’m coming and coming and you’re coming and coming, we’re in.

an ecstatic bliss straight state a conjoined theta trans state of pleasure together then the world falls away our nervous systems reboot we’ve got massive amounts of blood flow to many parts of our brain because we’re stimulating all kinds of parts of our body because every part of your body you touch stimulates a different part of your brain So the more oxygenation, the more health, the more neurotransmitters, the more oxytocin, the more dopamine, the more serotonin, the more testosterone production, all of those things serve your health and your intimate connection.

And you can’t really get there if you’re in your head enacting something. And when it starts out as I give and you receive, that’s great. But I have generally noticed that as women become more confident, more sexually confident, when their orgasms just flow out of them, when they have good communication, pleasuring skills, when they feel loved and supported, when they feel safe, when the lover’s face is good, when they’ve been held, when they’re relaxed, because arousal begins in relaxation.

She, you can’t push her buttons to get her turned on. That’s the soulmate embrace. You got to relax her so she can begin the arousal ladder. Climbing up that arousal ladder because it takes her 20 or 30 minutes to achieve the same arousal that her male body partner can get to in one or two minutes. He’s testosterone dominant.

He has faster acting blood flow. He gets an erection very quickly when he’s healthy. She takes 20 minutes to get there, which is why the embrace and the offers and seeing where you are and the letting shit go really, really help. So the polarity becomes. Some days, she’s going to want to start running the bedroom game.

She’s going to say, Now I’m on top, and I’m in control. And I’m just going to use you for my pleasure. She’s going to tell you the things she’d like you to do to her. And then she’s going to start doing things confidently, where she’s in charge. And then you’ll notice, and that’s her baby steps. And as she gets good at that, then it just starts going back and forth.

You take a little of the lead, then she takes a little of the lead, and that’s when you achieve that true polarity, where there’s as much what we would call masculine and feminine, but frankly is more just like Control and release, surrender and pleasure, whatever it might be. Those things get your sex life even hotter when she’s massively sexually self expressed for the first time in her life and feels so confident that you’re not going to shut her down, you’re going to encourage her.

To have even more pleasure and she’s going to open to that. That’s when sex gets really hot. That’s the passionate part of the lovemaking. And then we move into embodied, embodied sensuality. And for some people, Eye gazing is very important and most sex routes would have you sit across from each other with your legs, you know, kind of in folded and facing each other and that you would hold hands.

And you would just look each other in the eyes and you would hold each other’s gaze. And some people love that. And some people are eye shy. Some people are just a little more eye shy learning how to look your partner. You know how some people love to look at you while they’re having an orgasm and other people like to close their eyes while they’re having an orgasm.

There are according to Donna Markova, who is Dr. Donna Markova, she’s a Harvard professor who wrote a book called The Open Mind System, that teaches you your learning styles as well as your relaxation styles. And you’re either a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic in your theta brainwave state. When you’re in your beta, you’re one.

When you’re in your alpha, you’re another. So it’s your conscious. subconscious and unconscious mind. In sex, you’re in your unconscious mind when you’re surrendered to your pleasure. And some people are visuals. That’s why if your partner’s like, God, I bought this lingerie for you and these sexy heels, and I’d love to see you in it.

There’s your visual. If your partner is the one who’s like, tell me a dirty story while you give me a yoni massage. Okay, baby, what’s the prompt? Well, I saw this really hot guy that kind of looked like a Viking out at a restaurant the other night, and I want you to tell me a fantasy story about what happened when we ended up going to the restroom at the same time.

You know, or whatever. I’m literally just making stuff up. Whatever it is that, like, tickled your fancy or is on your mind, you know? And that would be, that would have been one of mine. That sounds fun. And then that’s an auditory person, like my husband is auditory. When I tell him a dirty story and get on top of him and ride him cowgirl, he absolutely loves it.

He just goes crazy. I, oh my God, do I just pleasure him and pleasure him and pleasure him. I’m in my masculine. I’m in control. I’m the one doing the giving. I’m telling the story and he just loves it. So that’s one of our things we like to do sometimes. If you’re a kinesthetic, eyes open might be too much for you.

Music? Ooh, it’s too loud. Towels? Oh, those are the scratchy ones. I don’t want to use those. But what they really like is to feel sensation. And so if you want to eye gaze with them, it might be too much, but they may need soft focus. So maybe you face each other and your lover is stroking you and you’re playing with her breasts and you’re kissing and you’re randomly looking each other in the eyes and just talking and appreciating and telling each other how sexy you are.

That’s still embodied sexuality. So there’s a range for all of these things, the taste, the touch, etc. And one of the things to know about touch is that there are four kinds of touch. The first is nurturing. That’s how you hold a baby. And in the soulmate embrace, that’s where you start. You hold me like a baby.

You hold me like a precious angel. You hold me like the sweetest thing you’ve ever held in your life. And then there’s healing touch. That’s when you’re giving me a foot rub or a neck rub with my pain cream. Cause I work out every day and something always hurts. So I want that. The next is when you’re stroking my body, when you’re stroking my hair, when you’re stroking my clavicles, that sensual touch.

When you’re squeezing my buns or my belly and feeling all that deliciousness, that’s sensual touch. And then sexual touch is the clitoral stroking of a yoni massage, or the nipple stimulation of breast play. And the thing about sexual touch is that In our bodies, our mouth, our lips, our tongue, our neck, our throat is the first of three zones.

The second zone is our breasts, our nipples, our belly, our buns. And the third zone is our genital structures. And if you’re not pleasuring all three, You’re missing a level of arousal that you could be. And for those of you women who are like, Oh, I don’t like my breasts touched. You know, ever since I, ever since I breastfed, it’s like, I don’t know.

They’re like weasels in tube socks. That’s just, it doesn’t give me any pleasure. It’s like, girl, I’m going to need you to start letting your boobies be played with because you are literally you’re cutting one of the legs off the stools of your hot sex life and throwing it away. No, no, no, no, no. Orgasmic activation.

This is what I want you to take away. It’s that you must bring sensation online. If it’s offline, I never have my boobs touched. Your boobs are great. No, no matter what your boobs look like, you need to love them because your partner loves them. Tiny, saggy, giant, who cares? I can’t believe how many women think their boobs are ugly when they’re the most gorgeous, luscious globes you’ve ever seen.

So don’t go for, don’t get, you know, suckered into what breasts look like are breast implants. That’s, that’s not what breasts look like. Breasts are pendulous or tiny or they’re all there’s different shapes and different and they’re lovely and they’re a source of massive pleasure. And when you begin to accept them and play with them and stimulate them, when you begin to practice good kissing with your partner and tell them what you like and what you need and what you don’t like and how to hold their lips.

And. Have them tell you, and you work on those things. You are now bringing sensation online and every part you touch sends more signals to your biggest sex organ. Your biggest sex organ is there because what it does is says, Oh, that feels good. Oh, that feels good. Oh, I like that too. Every place you touch on your partner’s body is either going to be painful, shameful, numb, or pleasurable.

It’s painful. And all you have to do is just knock these down one by one by one by one. I love an overachiever crowd. Just turn the pain into pleasure. Turn the shame into acceptance and pleasure. Turn the numbness into sensation and pleasure. Everything you touch in your genitals, your breasts, your mouth and lips and tongue can all be activated.

One thing after the next after the next until you become just a massive pleasure loving person where everything that is, is done by your lover to you just feels so good. So embodied sexuality is bringing all of that online using all the senses, using all the touch techniques so that you really can build that arousal and climb that ladder.

And the last thing that I’m going to leave you with are erotic play dates. Let me see. I think I have one right here. Yes. So techniques are great. Bedroom communication skills are great. All the things I taught you when I spoke to you about the cross training and using the toys and regenerating your genitals and getting all those things working.

That stuff is very, very valuable. But what is even more valuable and is the next level. is when you begin to integrate these individual pieces. Oh, okay. She just taught me how to orally pleasure my, my lover’s lingam, which is his penis. Lingam is the male and yoni is the female genital system in tantric lovemaking.

Okay. She taught me how to do that. That’s great. Those are great things. Those are individual skills, but erotic playdates take it to the next level. This is your 2. 0 and your 3. 0 and your 4. 0. Here we go. Remember how I talked about scheduling sex as being like, ain’t never gonna happen, something gonna come up, there’s an excuse.

I mean, I knew every trick in the book for avoiding sex because I did it for almost a decade with my husband until we learned how to have hot sex together and went, Oh my God, we need to teach everybody this. Why doesn’t anybody teach anybody this? And that begat my second career over the last 20 years from 40 to 42 to 62.

Erotic playdates are what, what kind of crushes the monotony of monogamy. They are the fun things that you can do and learn in the bedroom together. What couples want is not necessarily How to have a specific orgasm. Yes, but it’s more, what are the things we can learn? How can we begin as beginners together?

How can we bring beginners minds to our sexuality instead of assuming we know what to do? Let’s assume we don’t know anything about it and we’re going to learn a new thing. So I put together 48 erotic playdates. And I put them in a PDF so that you can download this PDF and it’s, it’s it’s at sexlifebucketlist.

com, sexlifebucketlist. com. Thank you. And it has the 48 erotic playdates on it, and you can print it out at home, and then beside each playdate, you mark an A, a B, or a C. A is, Oh, I definitely want this on my, on my bucket list. B is, It’s not for me, but if you want to do it, I would be down for doing it. C, it wouldn’t go on my bucket list, but I would do it with you.

C is, Oh yeah, this is something that I’m not ready for. I’ll keep an open mind, but it’s I don’t want to do it right now. Never say never, but it’s not my jam. Then you take your A list and your partner’s A list, and now you’ve got a list of erotic play dates you want to try that you’re both excited about.

Yeah, let’s do them. And then when you’re like, okay, we’re having an erotic play date on Thursday, I’ll bring home the Chinese and you get the bed and the lover’s space set. And then, And we’re going to practice. I’m going to find your G spot. I’m going to find your P spot. We’re going to do a lingerie photo shoot.

We’re going to try the yob yum sex position or the chingalinga sex position or whatever it might be. And when you get this sex life plan, The sex life bucket list. I give you a 40 minute video that comes with it. This is all free. It’s just there. I give you a 40 minute video and in that video I walk you through all 48 things because there are things on here that you’re going to be like, I never even heard of that.

I had no idea you could do that. That sounds amazing. I forgot about that. And so I answer what each of these are. Some are quick because I know you know what they are and others I go into a little detail like here’s what it is and here’s how you do it or this is the tool you need to get this done. And I think that when you Bring your presence and your beginner’s mind when you’ve got a good lover’s space set up, when you have the pack that you can say anything to each other, you’re just learning stuff.

When you’re like, okay, this is the one where I’m gonna show you what to do, or this is the one where you’re gonna show me what to do, or this is the one we’re gonna learn together. And we’re gonna bring All of our moaning and our, we’re going to look and we’re not eye shy anymore and we’re doing all of that.

You bring the soulmate, the sexual soulmate essentials into your play dates. Boy, you’ve got a good time tonight and next week and the week after and over the years. Look at how good you’re going to get in bed together trying all these new things. things. So that’s the six essentials. Presence, lover space, polarity, the soulmate pact, the embodied sexuality, and the erotic play dates.

That’s going to set you up for a lifetime where sex keeps getting better and better and better, goes up and up. The pleasure spiral. It’s like DNA helix where you’re just swirling with each other up into the heavens. Instead of the alternative, which is what happens to most people, it goes down the toilet and they stop being intimate.

They get bored. Somebody checks out. Oh, I don’t like it. I never have orgasms. They’re scratchy. They never groom. I don’t receive them. If you’re going to sexually expect them all this terrible negative stuff. That’s not going to happen cause you’ve got the soulmate packed, which means you can say anything to your partner.

The foundation of truthiness can’t be beat for juiciness in a relationship. So there you go. The sexual soulmate six, six essentials, connected sex. That’s a lot of S’s. Thank you for having me. I’d be happy to take any questions now.

Chuck: Yes. Yes, anyone who, I mean, because I’m just, I’ve been browsing through and watching everyone’s.

You know, I’ll say responses after different parts of the conversation and it’s brilliant to see how many of you are like inquisitive and like scintillated by this entire. Yes, the whole conversation. It’s like, yes, please.

Susan: I was just looking at you the whole time. I got to look at everybody. I didn’t even know how many people were on here.

Chuck: It’s amazing. Absolutely. You’re brilliant. And again, thank you for making this not just fun. Educational and engaging and giving us that space for everyone to feel like there’s purpose in this as well that your happiness, your connectivity to life and energy is what you’re talking about really is body, mind and spirit.

It’s not just one thing. And it’s that energetic connection, not just with your partner, but with yourself and the world that you’re living in. You get to create the beauty. Thank you for always bringing this to mind as well, that practice doesn’t make perfect yet practice with purpose. Can definitely create a lot of passion and pleasure.

And so it’s intent as well, to your point, that’s amazing. Again, Susan, you’re, you’re such a, a guiding light in a, Oh, it’s a pleasure. I mean, again, thank you for sharing all the distinctions. And all your, your connection and commitment as well to this amazing and somewhat taboo conversation for many people that have grown up in very conservative, you know, households.

Susan: A couple of things. Last year I was one of my girlfriend’s ecstatic birth partners. I was my girlfriend’s ecstatic birth partner and she didn’t have multiple ecstatic birth partners. I was her only one and what I did was I gave her a lot of breast pleasuring. I rubbed a lot of stretch mark, you know, preventative creams into her belly as it grew and I gave her yoni massages and helped her Relax and really feel all of the different parts of her vulva and really open and learn how to tighten and relax, tighten and relax.

And That was an incredible experience for both of us. It was so beautiful to watch her body grow, this beautiful baby and all the changes. And I got to tell her every time I would come over to her house, which was probably once every week or two. As I was massaging her, I was telling her how everything was changing and what I was seeing and how it was feeling.

And it really gave her a lot of confidence. It made her feel better and more grounded and pleasure, and it was interesting because I wasn’t actively trying to give her orgasms or make her orgasm. But she was having orgasms and the baby was just loving that pleasure. She would get so active and it was just really neat to feel her kind of rolling around in there.

And that was an incredible experience that you and your husband might like to have together. The second thing is that oral pleasuring, intercourse, using toys are all healthy, natural, and good. He can’t hurt the baby. Anything that doesn’t feel good to you, of course, you would tell him. But there, this is a time, especially in this window, when you’ve got so much blood flow into your genital systems that everything feels even better.

So assure your husband that everything is okay. Ask him if he’d like to give you some ecstatic, okay? Pleasuring massages and kind of see how you, you know, you, you change over time and then invite him in because it will feel really nice and there’s nothing he has to worry about. You might have to use some pillows and props and things like that, but it should be perfectly fine.

Everything’s good.

Chuck: Oh, this is so brilliant.

And again, thank you for this. This is so uplifting. Oh, and it’s, it’s, it is so encouraging to see because as we talk about, especially in this community, we talk about the synergy of life, that there’s no such thing as work life balance that doesn’t exist. This is about finding synergy and homeostasis and harmony in how we get to show up in our lives.

And you’re just such a beautiful, shining example of fulfillment outside of the boardroom. Because something that came to mind when you were talking about beta and theta waves, and I was like, don’t be the CEO in the boardroom and in the bedroom. Is, that’s probably not gonna get you what you both need to have in order to find that fulfillment.

So you, you are brilliant.

Susan: Thank you. I’m so happy to be here and thank you for having me. I hope that it, it helps any of you. And, and by the way, any questions that you do have, you’re welcome to just send me an email to Susan at Better Lover. If you didn’t wanna raise your hand today, but there’s something you wanna ask me feel free to just send me an email.

It’s my pleasure to reply. Honestly, I got good because. I’ve, the reason I’m the intimacy expert to millions is because I’ve helped literally emailed with thousands and thousands and thousands of people and answered a million DMs and a million comments on video and all those things. Your questions helped me become the person that I can be to help you.

So your, your gift to me are your questions.

Chuck: You’re a blessing. And thank you for your commitment to continue intimate health. I’m going to remind everyone too, that we are going on a health trip here in a couple of weeks to Sedona where there’s energy well yes, energy vortexes. And so this is a fitness trip that’s centered around spiritual, emotional and, and physical wellbeing.

So, you know, please, please, please, if you’re on the fence, please talk to Megan. And Susan, you’re such a guiding light. I pray that you never get tired of us in this community. If you ever want to come and join us on a trip, please let us know. We’d love to have you. We’d love that.

Susan: Sedona is amazing. You’re going to love it.

So good.

Chuck: Can’t wait. Can’t wait. Miss Megan, do you have any additional announcements? My my beautiful friend.

Megan: Well, thank you, Susan. We I just like ever since San Diego, you are one of my favorite speakers and you bring humor and you’re so classy. And I just I just love when when you speak. It’s always so fun to see you.

And that is what I have today. So I hope everyone has a wonderful, hot, sexy day.

Chuck: Have an amazing day on purpose, everyone, and get your schedules and your outlines done. It’s time to have some fun. Much love, everyone.

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