Every long-term partnership eventually faces a major roadblock that tests its foundation. It’s not the absence of challenges that defines a strong relationship, but rather the way you choose to attack the problem together instead of attacking each other. Susan and Tim share a deeply personal story about a time when their connection felt fractured and how they navigated through a period of immense struggle. By shifting away from a victim mindset and choosing to see the underlying motivations behind their actions, they found a path back to one another. Their journey proves that even the biggest obstacles can become catalysts for profound growth and a commitment that spans decades. Discover how they moved from feeling stuck to planning for another 40 years of vitality and joy. ✨
Full Transcript
[00:00:00]Susan: And I would say we’ve had a number of major challenges in our relationship. Big ones, and nobody doesn’t, we all have them. It’s how we weather them. You know, how we attack the problem and fight together to solve the problems.
[00:00:18]Susan: And we’ve been able to solve most of our problems together, except one of the latest ones, which I feel like I really had to hold the space for solving all of it for a long time. And I’m not sure we’re completely through all of that yet. There’s still things that are coming up for us that we’re working on about our last big struggle that we had together.
[00:00:44]Susan: And we imagine that, you know, we’re, not just sexual biohackers, but longevity oriented people. And in our sixties, we, we think we’ve got another 40 years together. So we, we think we’ve got longer together than we’ve already been together to [00:01:00] go, you know, that’s our commitment.
[00:01:01]Susan: So why don’t you tell that story of our first big obstacles, stumble, roadblock issue?
[00:01:08]Tim: Well, we’d been married mm, probably like seven years, and we’d had our daughter and we weren’t really having sex anymore. Even we were mercy sex at the time. But
[00:01:22]Susan: I was relenting.
[00:01:23]Tim: Yeah, I, I I was
[00:01:24]Susan: begging
[00:01:25]Tim: essentially.
[00:01:26]Tim: I, I was, I was spouting. Yeah. I would, uh, beg, plead, cajole, honeydews. Uh, and then, you know, after like two weeks or so, Susan would just give in and give me mercy sex. So apparently having a just a big dick all by itself is not enough. No. Who would, who would know?
[00:01:49]Tim: Um, but it, it turns out Susan was not having orgasms from intercourse when I would fuck her.
[00:01:57]Susan: Mm.
[00:01:57]Tim: And uh, so she didn’t [00:02:00] really like it, it wasn’t pleasurable for her. So, and we didn’t really know. She didn’t know why. I didn’t know why she didn’t want to have sex with me. And, I loved her and, but I, you know, I was, at the time, I must have been turning, uh, I wasn’t even 40 yet, but, you know, I was looking at 40 going, Jesus Christ, you know, I don’t wanna be four years old and then be celibate the rest of my life.
[00:02:25]Tim: This is not good for me.
[00:02:26]Susan: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:27]Tim: So, uh, you know, I said about finding a woman who was in kind of a si similar situation. ‘Cause I felt like it’s my problem. Like I could tell I was making Susan miserable by constantly begging and pleading and cajoling and like, it was just making her crazy and she was not happy about it.
[00:02:47]Tim: So I’m like, well, I’ll just deal with this myself. I’ll go find a way to deal with it in a really safe way, at least. So I thought, and, uh, I won’t, I won’t burden her with this [00:03:00] anymore. And, uh, it worked out okay until I fell in love with that other woman. So, and then that was a problem.
[00:03:10]Tim: So, um,
[00:03:11]Susan: try to steal him away.
[00:03:12]Susan: It wasn’t the first time either
[00:03:15]Susan: women, they see him, they see how great he is, and they’re like, oh, that’s what I want. I’ll just take her husband. Bitches be tripping with that. You gotta watch out. This is why people are afraid of poll too. We weren’t poly at the time.
[00:03:29]Susan: Totally.
[00:03:29]Tim: We were not. Mm-hmm. No, that was me unilaterally acting in what I felt was, you know, the best course, which was not, it was,
[00:03:37]Susan: but I understood his motivations. I remember when he ultimately told me that he was having, this is what we called it back then, you know, having an affair, uh, cheating on me.
[00:03:47]Susan: There’s a lot of victim mindset around that stuff too. We were basically just two dumb asses that didn’t know what we were doing in the bedroom. Like everybody. ’cause, because there is no good female led sex [00:04:00] education, you know?
[00:04:01]Susan: Even now, it’s still very, very difficult.
[00:04:04]Susan: Everything’s censored, shadow banned. I can’t buy advertising to my passionate love making programs, you know, any of that kind of stuff. So, um. I just remember that I, I talked to a woman who was a coach for the work of Byron Katie, you know, Byron Katie? The work, her processes. And she said, oh, honey, he didn’t do this to you.
[00:04:26]Susan: He didn’t cheat on you. He was just trying to stay in the relationship. This was his coping mechanism for it. That’s all it was. He loves you. He’d have been long gone if he didn’t love you. And I was like, oh, whoa. That got me totally out of that victim mindset and out of the blame game and all that kind of stuff.
