How To Revive Her Sex Drive
An interview with Susan Bratton by Nancy Moonstarr, A Man’s Guide To Intimacy. She talks about how to revive her sex drive.
She’ll love how you rouse her libido with this simple 4-step system. Click here.
I’m Dr. Nancy Moonstar hosting A Man’s Guide To Intimacy. Open her up and let her tell you what she wants.
I’m introducing a savvy businesswoman, a sharp, wonderful intimacy wellness expert. She’s a champion and advocate for anyone who wants better sex for their entire lifetime. She’s written no less than 34 books. She has videos, and she educates. She also promotes beautiful sexual vitality supplements such as FLOW, BOOST, DESIRE & DRIVE at the20store.
We’re here at Revive Her Drive and welcome Susan Bratton.
Susan: Nancy, it is so good to see you again, and I’m pleased to talk about Revive Her Drive. It’s probably the thing I know better than anything besides women’s sexual potential and anatomy, which is a big part of reviving her drive. Thanks for taking on this all-important subject: How to keep your wife or girlfriend wanting you for sex for as long as you are together, which is forever if she likes you for sex!
I can’t think of better insurance than a woman who can’t live without sex. Even if she doesn’t marry you, she will keep you around. This is the way in forever to a woman’s heart. It is incredible, connected, hot, passionate lovemaking orgasms and feeling incredible together.
Nancy: Don’t you think the chemistry between the two people you’re describing is like glue? Didn’t you go without active sex for a while during COVID?
Susan: When you have good sexual chemistry, it is glue because of the hormones and neurotransmitters released during passionate lovemaking. I also believe that you can create chemistry. Many people believe that we either have or do not have chemistry, but that’s not true. I’ll tell you how to do that in this segment with Nancy.
Nancy: Wonderful! Start us up. I get men who say that they haven’t had sex for years. So, let’s hear it.
Susan: I’ll start with high-level concepts, and then we can deep-dive into specifics. I’ll use a lot of generalizations because they’re generally true. You or your partner could fall anywhere on the spectrum, so I’ll do my best to talk about the most common things.
REVIVE HER DRIVE
A decade ago, I created a program called Revive Her Drive. It’s a step-by-step program that teaches men how to get their women to want a lot of sex from them. It doesn’t mean that she will initiate sex because women have been raised in a conservative society, and we have a hormonal profile different from men. So it doesn’t make us horny every day like a guy.
The seduction and turning-on of women require a man’s heavy-lifting. Your woman might have said, “Gee, that was great sex. How come I don’t always want sex, but when I do, I always love it.”
If your partner never initiates sex and almost always rejects sex, I want to tell you that starting sex is your job. I will teach you how to do it with joy instead of frustration. I will also teach you how not to get rejected when you offer sex. Because what you’re doing may not be working as well as it could.
When I created Revive Her Drive, I began by understanding how men and women are. I call it the 21 Mistakes Men Make that kill your sex life. That’s a free download you’ll get with this video. I’ll give you three free reports:
#1 Inside Her Guide: How to get back inside her.
#2 The 21 Mistakes Men Make That Kill Your Sex Lives: So that you can recognize the mistakes you made because you didn’t know until I told you.
#3 The Blue Ball Diaries: how to do things that will reverse and have her wanting you for sex again.
My premise in this conversation with Nancy is that you’re not getting the amount of sex you want. Your wife or girlfriend never seems to enjoy sex. You are horny all the time, and you get rejected, and you’re pissed off about it. Maybe, your wife has gone through menopause, and you think that is why she doesn’t want sex, and so does she. But it’s not!
Women are horny in a different way compared to men. I’ll explain how the female body works so you can work with instead of against it. You’ve been treating her how you want to be treated instead of how she likes it.
THE FOUR ELEMENTS OF REVIVAL
There are four elements of revival to getting your wife to wanting you sex again.
- You want to romance her.
- You want to awaken her sensually, not sexually.
- I call this masculine leadership or having polarity.
- Advanced orgasm skills.
I’ll tell you what each of these is whether you want to buy my program or not.
Revive Her Drive is so good because every relationship is like a snowflake. They are entirely individual.
Your sexual experiences are unique. Maybe she could be repressed or abused. There are many types of relationships.
I’ll give you the frame of the house, but Revive Her Drive gives you ideas for building your house up from the studs, putting in the drywall, wallpaper, carpeting, fixtures, lights, furniture. It makes it the home you love to have sex in.
Nancy: I love that. You’re setting a beautiful place, and I also noticed you started with romance to bring a woman in. Wow! Spot on!
Susan: I’ll tell you what the four steps are, and you’ll know what to do. Maybe you can figure it out yourself, but if you want more, there is more. It’s up to you. I’ll also give you the three free reports. I want you to take in what I’ll say, knowing that this might be enough for you. I answer every email sent to me. Thousands of men have gone through my program.
When you’re turning your wife back on, you’re fixing the stuff you screwed up because you didn’t know any better. So you will take two steps forward and may take action backward.
Sometimes, you will backslide. That can get depressing and frustrating. A typical male response is a wave of anger. I want you to write to me when you hit that spot. Because I’ll report back with “Try this or this.” Don’t be upset. You’re making progress. You have to pay attention to the wins and not just the losses. You’re in a war. I don’t like to call them battles.
I want you to flip your mind from the scarcity mentality, this male-pattern victimhood, and the anger you feel because you don’t feel loved. Maybe you’ve not been given enough sex, or you don’t feel like you’ve been touched. She’s avoiding your touches. Maybe she’s sleeping in another room. She’s staying up late so that you’ll fall asleep. All this so that she doesn’t have to turn you down for sex. She’s avoiding you.
Nancy: These are excellent points, and you’re speaking to this mindset of staying in the game, aren’t you?
Susan: Yes. I want to encourage guys to play out these four steps. They work!
They are romance, sensual awakening, polarity, and advanced orgasmic skills. But, first, I want to explain why you need to start with romance.
You wake up horny every morning. You’re testosterone-dominant. But your woman is only horny five days of the month, even after menopause. Women are monthly hormonally cyclical. Men are horny daily. You want nothing more than for her to hop on your penis in the morning and have a fantastic orgasm using your tool. You have an orgasm and go to work, and you’re a happy man, and you feel loved.
That’s not what’s happening. When you started dating, you romanced your woman. You took her on dates, told her that she was beautiful, got her flowers and chocolates. Now, all you do is beg for sex.
She’s like, “Ehh!” The thing is, because she is only horny during her 5-day window when she might instigate sex or be willing to have sex, she could be horny every day if you do the right things. So she could want sex multiple times a week or, for some women, multiple times a day if you understand how her female operating system works.
THE OPERATING SYSTEM
The female operating system is the opposite of yours. You’re a light switch while you’re fire. When you’re ready to go, your penis gets hard. You’ve got an erection. You love to put it inside your woman. You like to have an easy ejaculation, sometimes too easy because you come faster than you want. That’s your most significant issue.
It’s the opposite for her. She is the fire. So you have to kindle her. First, you’ve got to blow on her and fan the flames. Then, you have to put a few more twigs. Then a little stick. You don’t just throw the log on. That’s for you. You want to throw the log in the fire, but that’s not what gets her burning hot for you.
Romance is kindling. There are two kinds of romances, those that get you laid and those that don’t. The romance that gets you laid is when you move her body and her emotions. She’s an emotionally responsive creature. If she feels loving and close to you and knows you adore her and find her sexy, then she will be sexually open to your invitation.
You have to slowly keep her body moving, turned on, and connected so that you don’t go quickly from 0 to 60. You’re keeping her body warmed up all the time. That’s what she needs. She doesn’t start horny. You have to prime her all the time through to number 2, which is the sensual awakening.
Nancy: You said two romances. I wanted to be clear on those.
Susan: There’s the romance that gets you laid and the one that doesn’t. The love affair that doesn’t get you laid is taking her to dinner, buying her flowers. They are just romantic things to do.
The romance that gets her laid is a walk in nature, a boat on the lake, a bicycle ride, a swing, or a hot tub—anything physical and event-based that moves her. You’re having fun, looking into her eyes and telling her that you love her. A romantic picnic will get you laid.
30 ROMANCE TRICKS
I’ve got an ebook called 30 Romance Tricks That Work Like Magic *to get you laid*
I tell you precisely the things that work and those that don’t. Do them all because your woman needs them all.
The second trick is to awaken her sensually. Men are goal-oriented and testosterone-driven. THat’s why you’re always after the end-game. You’re always trying to achieve climax from penetration. The problem is that it is very far away from where she is. When you offer sex, she is in a whole different country. She’s so far that she’s a speck.
You have to get her from back there to where you need to go. She doesn’t want sex which is why you keep getting rejected. She’s not sex-minded because she’s not testosterone-dominant.
The second thing is intercourse isn’t orgasmic for many women. If you’ve been married for a decade and wondering why intimacy is waning, it’s because she struggles for an orgasm from intercourse.
It’s like you’re masturbating inside her. She stopped sex because it wasn’t pleasurable for her. If it were good, she would have kept doing it, which is why you are here with me today. You’d like to have more sex.
The way to do that is always to keep the kettle on the fire. So you’re building a fire, and you have a kettle over it, which you have to stay warm.
You keep it warm through sensual touch. Think about a bullseye. You’ve got the concentric circles that go to the creamy center. The problem is that you can’t start there. Think about your lady’s body as the bullseye. Her hair, arms, feet, legs, and back are the outer rings. The next ring is her face, neck, chest, her belly, buns.
Then you go in a bit more to her mouth, breasts, nipples—the outside of her vulva. The vagina is the sheath in which your penis goes. Have a more significant focus on her body than just getting your penis in her vagina.
The middle of the bullseye is her clitoris, vaginal canal, mouth, throat, and rectum.
If your wife likes anal sex, that’s an internal erogenous zone.
Grabbing her breasts and crotch is a turn-off. She first needs her hair stroked, eyelids, and neck kissed. You remember when you used to get hickeys in high school, and it was hot. Remember all those hot teenage years. That will get her going.
Do you know how they say women need 20 minutes of foreplay to get turned on? That’s 20 minutes in the outer zones. I’ll also talk to you about engorgement, getting her genitals erect.
WHAT IS SENSUAL TOUCH
You should offer her foot, back, and neck rubs. Hold her and love her body. Always touch her body. When you feel her, she doesn’t run away.
Right now, if you touch her for sex, she runs away. If she doesn’t want you to feel her, it’s because you’ve started from way off instead of turning her body on. That’s the sensual, full-body touch—massage, holding, loving, sweet kisses, hair-stroking, foot rubs, and backrubs.
Now, you’ve introduced her to nature. At home, you’re holding her and stroking her. That will get her to want sex again. Can you see how all this adds up?
Nancy: That’s nice. I like the idea of men giving massages. Is there a tip you have? Because they have to keep away from direct sexual contact.
Susan: Remember the bullseye. Don’t grab her breasts, nipples, or crotch. Start at the extremities and work your way in. She has to trust that you’re not giving to get something in return.
TOUCH FOR PLEASURE
The trick is to touch for your pleasure. There’s a beautiful saying in my Sexual Soulmates book: Sex is not about doing. It’s about being.
Move out of the idea of getting her body to do something. “If I touch her, she will have an orgasm.” This pushes her away.
Massage her to pleasure your hands, for the pleasure of your love and touch. This will pull her towards you. It’s a subtle shift in mindset from “giving to get” to “giving to receive.”
Get out of “making her feel good” and get into “I’m present with her and co-creating in every moment.”
“Baby, that feels so good. Please rub that spot. I’ll tell you when to stop.” Don’t stop until she says ok. “Thank you, baby. That was needed.”
Then, you’ll feel her relaxing. When she relaxes, her spit flows, her eyes may tear up, her vagina gets lubricated, her breasts let down, and blood flows. Her genitals get blood. That’s relaxation, the foundation of arousal.
You don’t want to get her going. You want to calm her down so that you can take her up. Have you seen a woman hyper, and her voice is high? She’s the girlfriend who knocks the water over. She’s got jerky movements.
WOMEN FEEL OVERWHELMED
Nancy: Women carry a lot. They feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I wanted you to talk about this.
Susan: She’s the woman who needs to get laid. She’s out of her mind and not in her body. The more she’s anxious and stressed, the more orgasms she’s missing. As a man, you’re more self-confident. You don’t have to fight to feel secure because you have the gift of testosterone and masculinity. Create a haven for her to surrender to her pleasure. That brings me to number 3, polarity—masculine sexual leadership.
She wants you to transport her to realms of unbelievable pleasure. She enjoys sex as much as you. She’s just disconnected because she’s estrogen-dominant and has her eyes on a million things. She doesn’t have the security and safety that are natural to a man.
She needs you to give her a haven and leadership. Masculine safety and a plan. Many guys tell me, “You want me to be a guy with a plan and be present with her.”
PLEASURE HER SLOWLY
Yes, you can do both of those. You can not only understand the arc of a sexual experience and create it, but you can also become very good at being present in the moment. You need to be comfortable with the arc of pleasure and the arousal ladder. First, pleasure your lady slowly from the outside in and warm her up. Then, drop in and connect with her because you’re confident you can take her into bliss.
Men are in relationships where their wives own bank accounts. She pays the bills, handles the calendar, and makes household decisions. She’s an equal partner in life decisions. In this case, you end up becoming equal partners, which is platonic.
You work together to raise your children, but it kills your sex life because she doesn’t want an equal partner. She wants a man who will swamp her and flood her with sensation.
She wants you to take over. But, first, she wants to check her mommy-brain and CEO-hat at the door. Then, she wants to let go and have you give her incredible pleasure.
It also includes picking her up and putting her on the bed. When you move her body, you carry her emotions.
Don’t go for a quickie because you know that she won’t get a good orgasm. You tell her, “Oh no, mommy, I have to give you a full-body massage before I get inside you.” A quickie won’t get me invited inside you.
At this point, you’re probably thinking, “I want to do these things to her, but she won’t let me.” That’s because she doesn’t think you know what to do. You haven’t shown her that you know how to manage her body. You don’t know how to give her the orgasms she’s capable of.
She’s probably telling you, “No, you can’t look down there. We have to have the lights off. I only want to have sex in this one position because it’s the only one I can come from. I don’t like oral sex and my yoni!” She has a million excuses and obstacles.
You have to overcome those obstacles. That’s masculine-sexual leadership. “Baby, I love the way you smell and taste. I have laid the pillows out and want you to lay down, relax and let me have my pleasure going down on you.”
You must take command. Else, she won’t respect you. And she won’t have sex with someone she doesn’t respect. That’s polarity.
There are a million things in Revive Her Drive. I don’t have time to go through all of it, but you get the concept. You can learn them surprisingly quickly.
The fourth concept is advanced sexual mastery which is orgasm skills. I want to do two things. The first is I want to talk about a banana, and then I want to talk about her genitals.
YOUR PENIS IS A BANANA
You thought her genitals were like yours, but they are different. Imagine a banana is your penis and the delicious fruit inside is your erectile tissue. About half the banana sticks out. That’s the penis, you see. The other half is inside your abdomen, and it curves down to your prostate.
You’ve been thinking about your penis as a piston. You’ve been pumping away like a piston. Her yoni, a Sanskrit word, is her vagina and her urogenital system. Yours is called the lingam. Her yoni wants your penis to be a tongue, licking her inside. She wants a fluid pelvis with pleasure, not boom-boom-boom. Orgasms are not created that way.
Your penis is an artful instrument that is more than sliding in and out and creating friction that hurts older women. Now, your banana fills with blood. In a weak erection, it fills half with the blood but not so much on the inside.
Press your perineum underneath your testicles, and you find that the root of your penis goes inside your body. Palpitate that area with your hand, or use a prostate massager. That area will fill with blood, and you will get a harder, firmer, longer, thicker erection.
Now you have the whole banana filled with blood over time. I want you to get an excellent firm erection, so your penis is thick and hard. That’s your vitality and sexuality.
HER ERECTILE TISSUE
In her yoni, she has a banana, but with only the clit sticking out. The entire banana is her shaft—an entire banana worth erectile tissue, the same amount present in a man’s penis.
There’s the clitoral shaft. Two arms, the crura, drape over the opening of her vagina. The two legs of her clitoris are called her vestibular bulbs, little punching bags underneath the outer labia, under her pubic hair on the opening of each side of her vagina.
There’s also erectile tissue on the roof of her cave and the urethral sponge mistakenly called the g-spot. It’s not a spot. Instead, it’s a long tube made of a sponge that needs to be filled with blood. It looks like your prostate and also present on the floor of her vagina, between her vaginal canal and her rectum.
I’ve just described the vaginal opening surrounded by erectile tissue. If you only focus on the clitoris, you leave the rest flaccid.
If she rushes you, bring your masculine sexual leadership. Tell her that you have to get her fully engorged. Get your yoni full of blood.
Blood flow is the trick to sex. Many women mistakenly think that during menopause, their estrogen dips and hence their desire dips. That their libido falls, and they aren’t interested in sex anymore. That is a fallacy. She is bored, and the sex is no good.
If sex with you were great, she’d be having the best sex of her life. People in their 60s and 70s have the best sex because they’ve learned how to do it, they enjoy it, they’re committed to it, they have the time. You get better at sex, not worse.
Your heydays aren’t your 20s and 30s. It’s your 50s, 60s, and 70s. By the time you’re 80, you slow down.
A CLITORAL HARD-ON
Here’s how you can give her a clitoral hard-on. First, of course, you wouldn’t want to have sex without a hard-on. Second, when the blood flows into your penis and makes it more extensive, you get more surface area, which means you feel more pleasure because there’s more sensation available.
If she struggles to orgasm, it’s because she isn’t fully engorged. Tumescence or erectile function is equal in both men and women. But we’re more aware of it in men because Pfizer and Viagra spent billions.
Women are innies rather than outies. Hence people don’t understand it. Now, because you’re on Nancy’s summit, you know that your job is to get the yoni full of blood.
Remember when Nancy said that I have a line of supplements? I have a nitric oxide supplement called FLOW which is at 20store.com. Anyone over 40 should take it. They are missing hormones as well as nitric oxide. So you may not need Viagra if you take FLOW. But, on the other hand, you could be so low on Nitric Oxide that you can’t get an erection.
It could also be cardiovascular disease. Nitric Oxide helps scrub the vessels, including those in your penile arteries, so that you don’t get heart disease.
Nitric Oxide is a fundamental supplement.
Nancy: Tell us a bit about Nitric Oxide.
Susan: Take a daily vitamin-mineral and a nitric oxide supplement. Take omega-3, fish oil, or algae oil. You need these three if you’re over 40 to keep your sexual and cognitive function healthy.
Nitric Oxide (NO) is a gaseous signaling molecule. Your veins have tone. They’re rigid and made of smooth muscle tissue. It’s called the endothelium system. When they squeeze, they send the blood to your brain when you’re working, your tummy when you’re digesting, your penis or vulva during sex.
With a lack of NO, your blood doesn’t move around. Your circulatory system gets brittle and calcifies because of the fat. NO keeps the flow clean and keeps the muscles in good shape for good blood flow.
We don’t have glands to lubricate our vagina. During menopause, women feel dry. Nitric Oxide supplements will lubricate her again. We get our lubrication from blood flow.
It’s not all about estrogen. NO is more important. Your job is getting NO to her vulva to have intense orgasms without performance anxiety.
The way to that is through manual stimulation. Rub her vulva with your hands and good organic oil like sweet almond, avocado, and jojoba. I don’t recommend coconut because It’s anti-bacterial, and you don’t want to disrupt the vaginal biome.
Get her used to receiving an excellent genital massage. That the first step to having her have you for sex again. Oral pleasuring is perfect after you have her warmed up. Then you can get into her folds and crevasses with your tongue.
Don’t attempt penetration before this. Manage your erectile function so you can get hard when you kiss or hold her. If you go soft when you go down on her, stimulate yourself and get hard so you can penetrate her.
If you have suitable nitric oxide and heart health, you can get hard quickly. However, you don’t need to maintain an erection the whole time.
When you get her engorged, use a lot of lube and organic oil. Avocado oil is thicker and viscous, and it’s got an excellent glide. I like a brand called Hobe.
TAKE YOUR TIME
Don’t introduce chemicals into her vagina with cheap lube. Don’t use anything that has just one ingredient, organic oil.
Take your time. Think of your penis as a tongue. Fully engorge, kiss, and appreciate her. Play with her breasts and nipples. She needs a lot of sensation, encouragement, and appreciation. Women can have 15 kinds of orgasms.
The trick is getting her turned on enough so she can come. And it is keeping her coming, so she has many orgasms.
She needs to know that she will have many kinds of orgasms with you and that you will transport her and that all she has to do is surrender to her pleasure. She needs to know that she is safe and will feel good. So when you touch and hold her, it’ll turn into sex more often.
Giving her vaginal massages with no strings attached will increase the times you can have intercourse. It gets you out of the give-to-get. It makes her feel safe. She won’t feel pressured. It turns her on, gets her vulva engorged, gives her a clitoral hard-on, and then she’ll naturally want you inside her.
That’s the basic roadmap.
Nancy: That’s a great roadmap. Let’s say every experience is different. Every orgasm is unique for a man and woman. What’s your advice if they want to just go through the first two stages up to sensual touch?
Susan: You need sensual touch every time. Hold, kiss, love, stroke, snuggle, spoon her, brush the hair out of her eyes, kiss her on the neck. You don’t want her to shy away from your touch.
Have you ever had a dog that didn’t like you petting them when you got them? But then you slowly hold them, and all of a sudden, you find them constantly next to you, wanting to be petted for hours. We are animals at heart. It’s essential to have her trust your touch and let her know that you’re not doing it just for sex.
Give her unlimited yoni massages with no strings attached. She will want them more because she knows that she doesn’t have to go all the way. The more she has, the more she will want to go all the way. It’s a delicate balance of being available to her. Make small offers.
I have a program called the Seduction Trilogy. It has three free ebooks and audiobooks – Seduce Her Tonight, The Seduction Accelerator, and How To Be Her Sexual Trainer. It talks about training your woman to be a slut in a good way for you.
I wanted to have great sex because I didn’t know how to. Then I learned how to do it. And now I want to have great sex all over again. It doesn’t matter if you were abused, shamed, and repressed. As a masculine sexual leader behind closed doors, your job is to help your woman become ruthlessly, sexually expressive with you.
You do that by taking small steps. You’ve been offering sex when you’re way out there while she’s over here. That’s too big an offer. That’s why a foot rub is a much better offer. Would you like to get a full-body rub?
RUN HER A MENU
Run her a menu. We teach you this in the Seduction Trilogy. Seduction is a good thing. We women need you to seduce us because you’re horny, and we’re not yet.
But we can be horny if you seduce us. We need your power-lifting to get us over the hump every time. It doesn’t matter how great my sex life is. My husband needs to get me over the hump every time. We call ourselves team Sweetie, where it’s he and I against my yoni. We have to get from back here to where we want to go.
Because I’m just not there, but I could get there. So the Seduction Trilogy teaches you how to run a woman a menu of small offers, and I give you all kinds of things you can offer her.
Get her on the slippery slope to the yeses. You want her to start saying yes to you instead of no. You want her to be like, “That sounds nice. Yeah, I’d like a foot rub. Yeah, my neck hurts right here.”
She will never have good orgasms if she has a crook in her neck or if her feet hurt. You are the remover of obstacles. This is masculine sexual leadership. She’s not there, but you carry her over the threshold.
You don’t do that by saying, “Do you want to have sex?” Instead, you do that by making a series of small, escalating offers that move her toward surrender and pleasure.
Nancy: That is very powerful because you’re a powerful woman in a long-term healthy sexual marriage. To hear you put into words that we both still have to work on getting home, getting me as a woman ready, my yoni ready is very powerful and helpful.
Thank you for being so open to sharing that because I believe there’s a myth that goes, “I’m supposed to know how to do all this. It’s supposed to work every time the same way.” Rather than, “This is an efficient way of looking at it. How are we doing at this time? Where is it going today at this moment?”
Susan: That’s being in the present moment. Once you have fun things you might want to do and develop more sexual confidence because she has more wins because of better sex, you’ll find what’s right for you on this particular lovemaking date. I always know when I make love with my husband that we always start with the yoni massage.
He puts his back up against the headboard, he’s got a pillow behind him, and he’s sitting on a bit of cushion that we like that lifts him. I lay perpendicular to him, and he puts a leg over me, and he gets right down in there. He’s got the bottles of his lube and his towels, and he gives my yoni and my sweet little cheeks a good massage.
Bellies are very, very good to massage. Women feel embarrassed about their bellies. So get a woman to relax and let you deeply massage her stomach and her Mons Venus, the part above her clitoral hood, a soft pad of tissue at the top where the pubic hair is. Get that moving. That will lubricate and get her to ejaculate because her blood plasma fluid seeps through the abdomen into the vaginal and urethral tissue.
So she gets moist, full, squirty, wet, and lubricated. Relax her and let her belly relax. Relaxation is the foundation for arousal.
Nancy: I also like how you gave tips about a unique pillow and a specific way he sits. Speak a bit about getting things comfortable and setting things up.
Susan: I call that lover space. As women, because we are estrogen dominant, we have our eye on a million things, and we’re more sensitive to the external environment. It’s hard for us to relax whereas it’s much easier for a man. If you have an erection, you could make love in the garage standing up or any place.
A pile of dirty laundry in the bedroom will not hold you back from coming. But it will hold her back from coming. So she needs the right temperature, the proper lighting, and some excellent music.
The other day when we made love, a girlfriend of mine had given me a lovely palo santo candle, and my husband had given me a bouquet. So I brought the flowers into the bedroom, lit the candle, and we laid down a waterproof fitted sheet over our bed.
We barely make our bed. I fluff the covers over it. We put a waterproof sheet over that, and we put another fitted sheet over that, so we’re not on the waterproof sheet.
That way, we can spill lube. I can ejaculate, and we can let go. I don’t have to worry about my bed or my bedclothes because I surrender to my pleasure. We even put bathroom mats on the edge of the bed so that lube doesn’t get on the carpet if we make love off the edge.
Make sure that your room is conducive to lovemaking: the lock is on the door. The kids are like, “Dad’s giving mom a massage. We need about two hours.”
Taylor, our daughter, is now 23 and leaving for France tomorrow to go to grad school. So when he gives me yoni massages, Tim, my husband, puts on soft cotton rayon pants so that his leg doesn’t sweat on or scratch my belly. In addition, he wears a cotton t-shirt to be comfortable when doing the massage.
When we made love and went into our room and locked it, Tim would often say to our daughter, “Honey, dad’s going to give mom a massage.” I remember one day, Tim was walking down the hallway wearing those cotton pants and t-shirt, and our 12-year-old daughter goes, “Gonna give mom a massage, dad?”
EDUCATE THE CHILDREN
I always think it’s perfect for your children to know that you have a good sex life. Carving out time for yourself is an essential thing. The 20 years that your kids are in the house is an actual impingement on your sex life, but you must let them know that you need private time and turn up the music a bit, so the volume is high so that they don’t hear anything.
Take that time for yourselves. You deserve to have great sex. Couples that play together stay together, especially in the bedroom. It’s your job to overcome her shame, repression, and body image issues.
It is the hand all men are dealt in heterosexual relationships. Women have body issues, and they need lover-space. They have been shamed and repressed, but you can fix it. You can create behind closed doors the most incredible sex life you’ve ever had. Even after menopause, it can be the best sex she’s ever had.
You can have a renaissance of your relationship and your sex life at any age. I have followers who are in their 80s and 90s who are making love every single day. So never give up and never say die. There’s always a-way.
A FABULOUS MESSAGE
Nancy: What a fabulous place to halt because that’s a nice message, and I appreciate you pointing out to parents that the kids are separating. It can be very separating and challenging, but they need to know that you need alone time to be close to each other. You don’t have to give them all the intimate details. But I like the way you handled that. That’s very important for parents to give their children those things.
Thank you for all of this. If you would remind us again, you offered us three gifts initially, and did you mention something else in the middle that I heard?
Susan: We talked about Revive Her Drive. If you go to reviveherdrive.com, that’s where the three free reports are. That’s the Insider Guide, the 21 mistakes you may be making that are killing your sex life, and the blue ball diaries.
That’s the step-by-step approach, the extensive picture outline to remember what I told you the four steps are. You might be pushing her away instead of pulling her toward you. If you want to go a step further and get Revive Her Drive, that’s where I have audios you listen to right on your phone or your computer.
You can download them and rip them on a CD if you still have a cd player. There are many modalities, and you get unlimited access. I constantly update it too. So in your member’s area, if you choose to get Revive Her Drive, I’m always giving you new things. I also have the Advanced Sexual Mastery university to learn about seduction techniques, expanded orgasms, and female ejaculation.
You can stack so many things on the foundation, but the very first thing is one foot in front of the other. Start romancing her.
The 30 Romance Tricks That Work Like Magic
Start romancing her. Start touching her body. Get started on that today. Don’t give to get something in return. Just give to take the pleasure of the giving that will expand your connection.
Nancy: I love it. You’re offering the idea that it’s educating yourselves about sex education for the rest of your life. That’s so powerful. And that you advocate and walk your talk.
Beautiful, I will close for today, and I’m so grateful for your interview and for giving me the time. Thank you, Susan.
Susan: Thank you, Nancy. It was my pleasure. I’m passionate about the subject, and when you called and said, “Will you be at my men’s intimacy event again?” I was like, “Heck yeah! And let’s talk about the number one thing guys struggle with!”
I love working and doing things with you. Thank you so much for our connection and for allowing me to help men who trust and follow you because I adore you, and I know they do too. Thank you.