I wonder what your dirty talk style is? I’m Susan Bratton and you’re reading my series on dirty talk including the five essentials for dirty talk, a dirty talk secret trick, dirty talk fantasies, how to talk dirty without feeling weird and recognizing your and your lover’s dirty talk style.
Here’s an interesting dirty talk fact. You and your lover may have different dirty talk styles. Each of us takes in information in three ways – visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Visually through your eyes, auditory through your ears, and kinesthetic through your body, feeling and touch and sensation. So understanding what your sexual style is compared to your partner’s determines what kind of dirty talk you prefer.
During passionate sex when the world falls away and you are completely in the moment with your lover, you’re in a brainwave state called the theta state. This is the same brainwave state as meditation. The state when you’re lost in passion and you’re in that second-by-second interplay of pleasure. We humans have three distinct brainwave states. There’s theta, alpha and beta. Beta is your conscious thought, alpha is your subconscious, and theta is your unconscious processing. Theta is meditative. It is the ideal brainwave state to maximize sexual pleasure. This is the brainwave pattern that makes it the easiest to surrender to dirty talk. This is when you’re fully in the moment, playing off each other. This can be a great time for dirty talk but not for everyone. So when you’re in this theta state, this unconscious mind uses a primary mode of processing.
You’re going to figure out what your and your partner’s primary mode of processing is during sex. You could be an auditory, kinesthetic or a visual processor. Let’s say you’re visual; they could be auditory. You’re kinesthetic; they’re kinesthetic. You have to figure this out. It’s interesting because a person who’s auditory and theta won’t remember what you’re saying because they’re listening to you with their unconscious mind, not their awake mind. You can say the dirtiest things to them during sex and they’ll have only a vague memory of the highlights after you come back down to earth. They’ll say, “It was a lot of cheerleaders.”
For people who are kinesthetic or visual in theta, talking might take them out of their aroused state. So if they’re visual and you’re talking to them, it’s not how they process during lovemaking. If they’re visual, seeing you naked might be what turns them on. More people who are more visual in their theta state of unconscious turn-on are the ones looking at your face when you open your eyes during lovemaking. The point is everybody’s unique. That’s why there’s no one-size-fits-all. There’s three different categories for dirty talk. You might a person who really needs to hear dirty talk, but talking bumps your partner out of their turn-on. Or dirty talk turns them on and makes them want you but they want less talk once they’re in an aroused state.
It sounds confusing but there’s a fairly simple way to figure out. You know what to watch for so you can get a sense of your partner’s style. When do they like dirty talk? Going into sex, in the middle of lovemaking or talking about it afterward? Before you go into the bedroom but not once your clothes have come off? We all have our own unique sexual style when it comes to auditory turn-on and oral pleasure.
Take my husband Tim for example. Tim is erotically auditory. A third of people fall into this category. You or your partner might get very turned on by hearing a lover moan. Better yet, if you’re with an erotically auditory person and tell sexy stories while you’re making love to them, you will send them over the moon. If you’re an auditory processor and you get with another auditory processor, the dirty talk will make for fun, explosive passion. You can learn to enjoy all of these things. If you’re not that style, it’s not the end of the world, but it is nice to hear all kinds of sexy dirty talk at the right time. For example, “Come all the way deep inside me. You feel so good. Let’s make love doggy-style in front of the mirror so we can watch ourselves. I want you to hold me down and take me. Oh I’m such a slut for you.”
Here’s another tip. If you’re with an incredibly erotically auditory type, they love to hear stories. They can listen to you talk about their fantasies all night long. Someone who’s kinesthetic in the theta state won’t respond to dirty talk quite as much. They get more turned on by what they feel rather than what they hear.
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